Venting Resentment About how I think people are going to act when I die..because ain't none of them around now.

[Dawn0071111]

So why the fuck you gonna be sitting at my funeral all crying and shit when you didn't make an effort congruent to someone you knew going through a trauma and trying to commit suicide? Since when is it sound advice to "let you have your space" to a SUICIDAL person? I have never been more isolated and alone and even though I won't be there to see it I hope that the ones who blamed me for my trauma, were nasty to me... Finally get a wake up call. "OMG she REALLY did it..." Let them carry that shit. I wrote long letters..no one read them. Granted it could have been traumatic but still. Well guess what? Since they didn't read the first ones, I'm not making an effort to write the ones for when I really die. When you get a mental illness, or go through a trauma- you really discover who your friends are. I really set myself up in every way in this life. My entire childhood was a disaster. A narcisiist/psycho mom/munchuasen syndrome. Beaten, bullied, teased by adults and peers, never developed any emotional development. Always fat, ugly, insecure, needy, but sweet talented..... I am fucking done. I never had people so close to be be so nasty until I tried to kill myself... and develop a disorder... Are they mad cause they can use me anymore? Oh were is DAWN when I need her? Ugh......

I just had a breakthrough Idea on how to carry out my plan..... It came to me 2 days ago and I am excited and nervous.... My set dte is for next month on the anniversay or my trauma.

Thanks for reading this... I wish I could be closer to you all... meet you chat on the phone.... send you personal love and a hearts touch. There is so much damn suffering..... It seems that life is all about getting stronger from misfortune... so I am about to make some people strong!

DO you think that once you really CBT that those who didn't understand will be all remorseful, crying and shit? When it's too late?

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

Hello Dawn0071111,
The more I read about yourself, the more I like you
I'm really sorry that you had such a tough childhood. You didn't deserve that, nobody should.
I think often about my funeral too. 3 years ago I attempted suicide. I had a friend that I was very close to, this is the one I called that night and who brought me to my parents.
But after that, he never answered my call again. He left my life. I thought he was understanding myself, I was wrong.
And so sometimes I ask myself if I have to let him come to my funeral.
To answer your question, I don't know if he will have remorse.
I would say that at that time we will be gone forever, so it doesn't matter.
Don't you think ?
May I ask you what is your idea about your plan ?
Isa.

 

[oopswronglife]

I went through these feelings too. I know they will make it about themselves. It used to make me so angry that they will soak up all that pity and attention for their "loss" when they abandoned me long ago. I eventually decided I had no control over how they act, and won't care as I will be gone anyway. That said...I did make a legal Last Will and Testament with explicit instructions that no funeral or visitation/wake be held over my body, remains, or likeness, and no family members are allowed possession of my remains or any belongings. Of course I cannot stop people from gathering if they choose to some other way...and frankly if they can't use the spectacle of a funeral for attention I doubt they will...but I can stop them from using my corpse for drama and ego.

 

[Alchemist]

Most of my family won't really care I'll be gone, they will just be mad that they lost their future caretaker.

Beyond them, no one even know I'm gone. There's no way of them knowing unless I tell them which I won't do since they only care until they feel crisis is averted and then they go back to ignore me or completely leave me.

 

[Stan]

That's a fantastic post, really made me think. I expect that they will have some guilt that they didn't do more whilst I was alive but in reality, thats not my problem