I've been dysthymic all my life and have had multiple attempts that never went anywhere.
My first attempt was at 14 where I took enough dormicum to knock out a horse. unfortunately, someone told my mother and she forced-induced me to puke it out - when I woke up she told me that the next time I wanted to kill myself, to jump off a building so as not to disturb her.
Other times were I would self-harm, take pills etc.
Recently, for the last 8 weeks, I have been going through a stage of depression that has just led me to realize that I should have done what I wanted to do years ago.
I used to live in Salt Lake, and was in a relationship but visa circumstances had me going back to the Philippines and wait out the 150 prescriptive period to re-apply.
January 4th, because of my latent insecurities, my boyfriend finally had enough and broke up with me.
Our company got bought out, and that halted the Immigration Process indefinitely.
My department had a new VP come in and essentially, I was slowly but surely edged out of my role.
My relationship with my family has come to an all time low.
And I ended up going back to my gambling habits.
Today, I just realized that I'm done and I want to finish what I started 16 years ago. And I've been researching the proper steps to do this.
In terms of medicine, I have nothing really - Prescription Painkillers, 2 remaining pieces of Oxycodone, a bunch of sleep aids, Nyquil. - Nothing that would really turn the tide.
I read up about Shallow Water Drowning , and I was thinking - is this possible?
I will take all the nyquil and crushed up oxy I have left, plus the painkillers and then prepare a warm bath.
From there, I will begin the process of hyperventilating and then dunk myself under water and hold my breath until I pass out and then eventually succeed.
I could also, put a bag over my head, wrap elastic around my neck, and slowly wait to fall asleep - maybe my tie my hands so I don't try to escape and wrap myself in weighted blankets.
I can a book a room / airbnb / motel and take a couple of vacation days at work starting Friday, and until Tuesday. So no one would look for me.
I am looking at other methods, thinking about being high ingesting brownies before I attempt SWD or buying some coke before I try to asphyxiate myself.
I guess what I'm asking is. If I try a variety of methods, what would bring about the efficacy I need?
Adding to this, I saw charcoal methods. So... Is it possible to
A. Take a bunch of whatever pills I have left
B. Run the bath
C. Pile the charcoal. make sure that no air will vent from the bathroom. Cover It with wet towels
D. Light the charcoal when I start to feel sleepy
E. Start the hyperventilazation process
F. Slip underwater
My first attempt was at 14 where I took enough dormicum to knock out a horse. unfortunately, someone told my mother and she forced-induced me to puke it out - when I woke up she told me that the next time I wanted to kill myself, to jump off a building so as not to disturb her.
Other times were I would self-harm, take pills etc.
Recently, for the last 8 weeks, I have been going through a stage of depression that has just led me to realize that I should have done what I wanted to do years ago.
I used to live in Salt Lake, and was in a relationship but visa circumstances had me going back to the Philippines and wait out the 150 prescriptive period to re-apply.
January 4th, because of my latent insecurities, my boyfriend finally had enough and broke up with me.
Our company got bought out, and that halted the Immigration Process indefinitely.
My department had a new VP come in and essentially, I was slowly but surely edged out of my role.
My relationship with my family has come to an all time low.
And I ended up going back to my gambling habits.
Today, I just realized that I'm done and I want to finish what I started 16 years ago. And I've been researching the proper steps to do this.
In terms of medicine, I have nothing really - Prescription Painkillers, 2 remaining pieces of Oxycodone, a bunch of sleep aids, Nyquil. - Nothing that would really turn the tide.
I read up about Shallow Water Drowning , and I was thinking - is this possible?
I will take all the nyquil and crushed up oxy I have left, plus the painkillers and then prepare a warm bath.
From there, I will begin the process of hyperventilating and then dunk myself under water and hold my breath until I pass out and then eventually succeed.
I could also, put a bag over my head, wrap elastic around my neck, and slowly wait to fall asleep - maybe my tie my hands so I don't try to escape and wrap myself in weighted blankets.
I can a book a room / airbnb / motel and take a couple of vacation days at work starting Friday, and until Tuesday. So no one would look for me.
I am looking at other methods, thinking about being high ingesting brownies before I attempt SWD or buying some coke before I try to asphyxiate myself.
I guess what I'm asking is. If I try a variety of methods, what would bring about the efficacy I need?
Adding to this, I saw charcoal methods. So... Is it possible to
A. Take a bunch of whatever pills I have left
B. Run the bath
C. Pile the charcoal. make sure that no air will vent from the bathroom. Cover It with wet towels
D. Light the charcoal when I start to feel sleepy
E. Start the hyperventilazation process
F. Slip underwater
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