FailureToAll
Student
- Sep 9, 2023
- 114
I've probably vented about this all before and it's annoying so don't bother reading.
I feel so empty, I'm so bored of everything. I'm just waiting for a better time to kill myself and I don't know when that will be. This house is currently for sale and I don't want to decrease the value by dying here but its been for sale for awhile so i don't think I will be leaving soon. And I'm not sure when the opportunity comes I will have the courage to actually ctb anyway, I'm so worried about the after effects on my family. But fuck I just feel so empty and all I can think about is how much I'd rather be dead. I can't focus on anything for long and I can't find motivation to do just daily things like clean or cook or anything and I'm sick of living with my family I'm sick of being around people. I'm sick of having no money because I'm too anxious to get a job. I want to isolate, I want to be away from everyone. Why is there no jobs that dont involve dealing with people. Maybe some self employed jobs but that's takes awhile to start earning from and I can't find motivation to clean my room nevermind start a business. I'm so fucking sick and tired of living. I'm sick of myself. The urges to selfharm are strong but I don't even have the energy for that either. I hate myself. Why do i have social anxiety. Pretty much all my biggest problems stem from that. If I could just be normal and get a job I wouldn't be in debt and if I could leave the house and enjoy things without being in constant fear maybe life would be worth living. I'm so pathetic. Why did I have to be born. I wish so badly that I never existed. I don't want my death to affect my family. I feel so guilty for everything constantly yet I don't fucking do anything about it. I'm so fucking useless. I might of repeated some things I'm just frustrated and this vent isn't even helping I can't even express how I feel properly.
I feel so empty, I'm so bored of everything. I'm just waiting for a better time to kill myself and I don't know when that will be. This house is currently for sale and I don't want to decrease the value by dying here but its been for sale for awhile so i don't think I will be leaving soon. And I'm not sure when the opportunity comes I will have the courage to actually ctb anyway, I'm so worried about the after effects on my family. But fuck I just feel so empty and all I can think about is how much I'd rather be dead. I can't focus on anything for long and I can't find motivation to do just daily things like clean or cook or anything and I'm sick of living with my family I'm sick of being around people. I'm sick of having no money because I'm too anxious to get a job. I want to isolate, I want to be away from everyone. Why is there no jobs that dont involve dealing with people. Maybe some self employed jobs but that's takes awhile to start earning from and I can't find motivation to clean my room nevermind start a business. I'm so fucking sick and tired of living. I'm sick of myself. The urges to selfharm are strong but I don't even have the energy for that either. I hate myself. Why do i have social anxiety. Pretty much all my biggest problems stem from that. If I could just be normal and get a job I wouldn't be in debt and if I could leave the house and enjoy things without being in constant fear maybe life would be worth living. I'm so pathetic. Why did I have to be born. I wish so badly that I never existed. I don't want my death to affect my family. I feel so guilty for everything constantly yet I don't fucking do anything about it. I'm so fucking useless. I might of repeated some things I'm just frustrated and this vent isn't even helping I can't even express how I feel properly.
