Wedding day and ended up having a huge fight which I started. It's my fault and she could clearly see through my facade and pretence all these years, finally. She realised that I'm not built for marriage. She finally understood that I don't have any love or compassion.
In her own words, I am useless, worthless, insensitive, proud, egoistic, sadistic, psychopath. She is ofcourse correct in describing me as such.
All the more reason to CTB, total and abject failure in all spheres of life. I only cause hurt and harm with my pathetic existence. Better to end it before I seriously hurt and harm another human being. Don't know how or why I turned into this monster, but it needs to be put down for good. Feels like even God has had enough and given up and doesn't have any hope. Only and truly I am to be blamed, no one else. My last prayer is that somehow I find the courage to end it and leave this miserable life behind. Sleep peacefully six feet under to never wake up and hurt someone. How I wish someone would have mercy and end it for me ? How blessed that person would be ! How grateful I would be eternally for that help. Putting me out of my misery. Death why do you make me yearn and long so much? Why won't you just come and take me ? What pleasure do you have to see me suffer like this? I am beyond reconciliation or repair. It is time.
In her own words, I am useless, worthless, insensitive, proud, egoistic, sadistic, psychopath. She is ofcourse correct in describing me as such.
All the more reason to CTB, total and abject failure in all spheres of life. I only cause hurt and harm with my pathetic existence. Better to end it before I seriously hurt and harm another human being. Don't know how or why I turned into this monster, but it needs to be put down for good. Feels like even God has had enough and given up and doesn't have any hope. Only and truly I am to be blamed, no one else. My last prayer is that somehow I find the courage to end it and leave this miserable life behind. Sleep peacefully six feet under to never wake up and hurt someone. How I wish someone would have mercy and end it for me ? How blessed that person would be ! How grateful I would be eternally for that help. Putting me out of my misery. Death why do you make me yearn and long so much? Why won't you just come and take me ? What pleasure do you have to see me suffer like this? I am beyond reconciliation or repair. It is time.
