remember as a kid you got excited for the small things? that shit is totally gone, WTF am i doing on this globe?

[xXSufferingXx]

as a kid you didn't need much to feel "purpose" or fulfilment.
but now, everything i enjoy is bad for me.
i love to eat, it's one of the few pleasures i have in life.
but then i get fat, which is very bad for my neurological disorder and overall wellbeing (besides when i'm actually eating it, it's heaven).
i can't even have sugar free pepsi and it's my favorite because the shit has aspartame which gives me seizures.

i would also like to numb my pain by drinking or smoking weed, which i haven't done in like 15 years now,
because it's also only a temporary joy.
i don't give a shit about it killing me slowly, but it can also give me seizures, and i do have dignity,
so i don't wanna walk around like a drunk everyday.

there's a ton of other examples.
some people become parents to feel fulfilment, which i never want to do.
i never wanna give this evil world to an innocent being.

so i just wake up and wait for the sun to go down, hoping i get run over by a fucking dump truck.
this world isn't fun anymore, it's just jury duty.
not only is the world not fun anymore, it's actively the exact opposite... it's torture.
like being trapped at a shit party full of idiots and they won't let you leave.

 

[itsgone2]

This might not make sense because I don't want to give details, but I tried to beat the system. I worked, but I tried having fun and enjoying life too much. But I didn't see it as too much, I just saw it like what you said in the title. Like what are we doing here on this planet? It didn't seem to mean life was just about working for 40 years.

But it blew up in my face. Our owner was never going to sell and then he did. Now everything is wrong. I didn't even have that much fun. I just had some distractions. But it doesn't matter. This evil world is making me pay for it.