15dec
ember in the dark
- Dec 7, 2018
- 1,550
Anyone else have ridiculous luck with relationships? I feel kinda dumb making this thread because I'm one of the young users here so I obviously haven't dealt with as much as the rest of you have, but I still feel like I've had pretty awful luck especially considering how young I am.
So, I've been in five relationships.
Boyfriend 1, we dated for seven months. When we broke up he said he'd stopped loving me a few months into the relationship, since I essentially sabotaged it with my mental health. He told me that I was the one making him cut himself and making him want to kill himself. The problem here is that in the months he didn't love me we'd began to be sexually active. So he was just using me for sex in the end and I suspect the reason he broke up with me when he did was because I didn't want to go 'all the way'. Pretty much immediately after we broke up he was with another girl.
Boyfriend 2, I just sabotaged this one with my mental health. Things were kinda rough after, we were basically just confused about our feelings, he was accused of taking advantage of me etc and all my friends from school stopped talking to me, except one who I trusted more than anything who eventually became Boyfriend 4.
Boyfriend 3, we dated for a couple of weeks so it's a little insignificant. I broke up with him because I realised I didn't actually have romantic feelings for him and partially because of pressure from Boyfriend 4.
Boyfriend 4, wanted sex and broke up with me as soon as he got it, he was also pretty forceful and disregarded my feelings on the matter and what I wanted or didn't want. He also left me for the same girl as Boyfriend 1 did funnily enough, she rejected him though so he spent a few weeks trying to get me back by making disgusting sexual comments when he was done accusing me of sleeping around with other people. He was very emotionally abusive, he'd always lie and was responsible for the breakdowns of several of my friendships and obviously contributed to me breaking up with Boyfriend 3 (he asked me out the moment I broke up with him so I think his intentions with constantly telling me how bad he was etc are quite clear). When I had any evidence that he'd lied or done something shitty he'd get angry at me for it. He's currently dating my best friend, which I still find weird.
Boyfriend 5, I actually thought this was going to work but I ruined it with my mental health too. The reason it thought this would work was because he'd liked me for several years, I'd liked him for a while as well, we had so much in common it was actually kinda scary. Obviously I also had a few issues from Boyfriend 4 but I don't know, he did help me to get over them and everything but it was too late. He broke up with me, said a lot of stuff about feeling like the root of my problems, not being able to keep up with me, not ready for a relationship, not knowing how he feels about me. A few weeks after we broke up he said something like "I can't love your romantically anymore so I can only love you as a friend" which made me think he did still have feelings for me but was suppressing them or whatever because he thought he was causing my problems. When I asked about what he meant a while later he said I'd backed him into a corner and that's why he said it. I didn't mean to obviously, I just wanted answers, I felt like I was receiving so many mixed signals from him and I hated being there and just wondering. Right now I have reason to believe he just had feelings for another girl who hated me for the entirety of our relationship (especially when I said I didn't want her to tag along for our anniversary, she gave me lots of dirty looks when she saw us, got her best friend who's coincidentally the girl 1&3 left me for to berate him and later on messaged him about how upset she was she didn't see him), I knew he'd liked her before we got together but I guess he still did. Several people have told me he was probably dating me just to get her jealous and to be honest I think they're dating now, I actually asked once and he said no but he could've easily lied to protect my feelings or whatever (a recurring theme with everyone I'm friends with sadly) or they've gotten together since then. I don't know if you'd consider that being left for someone else but it certainly hurts. The worst thing is that he's started talking to me more again in the last few days (we're still friends) and still having feelings for him a part of me was hoping he missed me or whatever, when he's most likely thinking that since it's been a couple of months since we broke up I'd have moved on and it'd be easier to maintain a friendship.
Because I tried to get help with my mental health after me and 5 broke up, a lot of people have assumed I'm just upset over the break up no matter how much I say I've felt this way for a very long time. I've had more "sometimes relationships end and that's okay, you'll find another boyfriend soon" talks than I can count. But I don't even want another boyfriend, what's the point? We'd date for a while, my mental health would become a problem, it'd become too much and the opportunity for someone better would come and he'd take it. Or we'd date for a while, he'd get his sex, and leave me when the more attractive option comes along. It's all just ridiculous, there's no point subjecting myself to the torment and pain of being used, replaced and living knowing the irreparable damage I cause everyone for years waiting for the slim possibility that someone will be able to cope with my mental health.
So, I've been in five relationships.
Boyfriend 1, we dated for seven months. When we broke up he said he'd stopped loving me a few months into the relationship, since I essentially sabotaged it with my mental health. He told me that I was the one making him cut himself and making him want to kill himself. The problem here is that in the months he didn't love me we'd began to be sexually active. So he was just using me for sex in the end and I suspect the reason he broke up with me when he did was because I didn't want to go 'all the way'. Pretty much immediately after we broke up he was with another girl.
Boyfriend 2, I just sabotaged this one with my mental health. Things were kinda rough after, we were basically just confused about our feelings, he was accused of taking advantage of me etc and all my friends from school stopped talking to me, except one who I trusted more than anything who eventually became Boyfriend 4.
Boyfriend 3, we dated for a couple of weeks so it's a little insignificant. I broke up with him because I realised I didn't actually have romantic feelings for him and partially because of pressure from Boyfriend 4.
Boyfriend 4, wanted sex and broke up with me as soon as he got it, he was also pretty forceful and disregarded my feelings on the matter and what I wanted or didn't want. He also left me for the same girl as Boyfriend 1 did funnily enough, she rejected him though so he spent a few weeks trying to get me back by making disgusting sexual comments when he was done accusing me of sleeping around with other people. He was very emotionally abusive, he'd always lie and was responsible for the breakdowns of several of my friendships and obviously contributed to me breaking up with Boyfriend 3 (he asked me out the moment I broke up with him so I think his intentions with constantly telling me how bad he was etc are quite clear). When I had any evidence that he'd lied or done something shitty he'd get angry at me for it. He's currently dating my best friend, which I still find weird.
Boyfriend 5, I actually thought this was going to work but I ruined it with my mental health too. The reason it thought this would work was because he'd liked me for several years, I'd liked him for a while as well, we had so much in common it was actually kinda scary. Obviously I also had a few issues from Boyfriend 4 but I don't know, he did help me to get over them and everything but it was too late. He broke up with me, said a lot of stuff about feeling like the root of my problems, not being able to keep up with me, not ready for a relationship, not knowing how he feels about me. A few weeks after we broke up he said something like "I can't love your romantically anymore so I can only love you as a friend" which made me think he did still have feelings for me but was suppressing them or whatever because he thought he was causing my problems. When I asked about what he meant a while later he said I'd backed him into a corner and that's why he said it. I didn't mean to obviously, I just wanted answers, I felt like I was receiving so many mixed signals from him and I hated being there and just wondering. Right now I have reason to believe he just had feelings for another girl who hated me for the entirety of our relationship (especially when I said I didn't want her to tag along for our anniversary, she gave me lots of dirty looks when she saw us, got her best friend who's coincidentally the girl 1&3 left me for to berate him and later on messaged him about how upset she was she didn't see him), I knew he'd liked her before we got together but I guess he still did. Several people have told me he was probably dating me just to get her jealous and to be honest I think they're dating now, I actually asked once and he said no but he could've easily lied to protect my feelings or whatever (a recurring theme with everyone I'm friends with sadly) or they've gotten together since then. I don't know if you'd consider that being left for someone else but it certainly hurts. The worst thing is that he's started talking to me more again in the last few days (we're still friends) and still having feelings for him a part of me was hoping he missed me or whatever, when he's most likely thinking that since it's been a couple of months since we broke up I'd have moved on and it'd be easier to maintain a friendship.
Because I tried to get help with my mental health after me and 5 broke up, a lot of people have assumed I'm just upset over the break up no matter how much I say I've felt this way for a very long time. I've had more "sometimes relationships end and that's okay, you'll find another boyfriend soon" talks than I can count. But I don't even want another boyfriend, what's the point? We'd date for a while, my mental health would become a problem, it'd become too much and the opportunity for someone better would come and he'd take it. Or we'd date for a while, he'd get his sex, and leave me when the more attractive option comes along. It's all just ridiculous, there's no point subjecting myself to the torment and pain of being used, replaced and living knowing the irreparable damage I cause everyone for years waiting for the slim possibility that someone will be able to cope with my mental health.
