Venting Relationship problems make me wanna ctb even more

[mob]

I'm so fucking sick. I can't believe I'm feeling so unloved by the person who's supposed to love me and actually put me first.

My partner found a new friend months ago, and it's been going downhill since - I'm always the second fucking choice. They're flirty with each other right in front of me and whenever I mention it, I get called crazy; crazy why? I literally saw it with my own two eyes. Partner's friend is also in a relationship, but it doesn't seem to be going well. Anyway, my partner ended up telling their friend about my suicidal thoughts, and guess what? I got called fucking crazy by someone who also has mental health issues, I got called lazy, whiny, and my partner let it all slide. I absolutely lost it when I found out, because how could YOU tell YOUR friend about MY personal problems that I TRUSTED you with?

I'm so ashamed that I'd like to jump right now.

And my partner told me they want to sleep with other people but still stay in a relationship with me - how fucking undesirable am I now? I cried today because I was only the second choice again; and got told to get my jealousy issues in control and to accept the fact that my partner has friends.

This is all over the place and it's not even everything, I just don't know where else to put my thoughts, sorry. I literally just want to die; not just right now, but always. It makes me want to ctb literally every time. I feel so sick. The problem is that we live together and I can't afford an apartment on my own. What a fucking shitshow. Dying sounds so much easier than dealing with this.

 

[Enlighten]

This sounds so awful. Your partner has been treating you without any respect at all.
Your partner should keep these secrets for hiself and view sleeping with you as the highest privilige.
Do you have the possiblity to move back in with your parents?

 

[mob]

This sounds so awful. Your partner has been treating you without any respect at all.
Your partner should keep these secrets for hiself and view sleeping with you as the highest privilige.
Do you have the possiblity to move back in with your parents?

Unfortunately no. My parents are abusive and moving back in with them would pretty much result in all my freedom being gone.

 

[deadtomorrow]

I have never been in a relationship, and probably never will. But i can imagine that something even worse than never being in one is being betrayed/disrespected by your partner like that.

 

[mob]

I have never been in a relationship, and probably never will. But i can imagine that something even worse than never being in one is being betrayed/disrespected by your partner like that.

It is. I'd prefer being single at this point to be honest.

 

[SanguineShark]

I'm so fucking sick. I can't believe I'm feeling so unloved by the person who's supposed to love me and actually put me first.

My partner found a new friend months ago, and it's been going downhill since - I'm always the second fucking choice. They're flirty with each other right in front of me and whenever I mention it, I get called crazy; crazy why? I literally saw it with my own two eyes. Partner's friend is also in a relationship, but it doesn't seem to be going well. Anyway, my partner ended up telling their friend about my suicidal thoughts, and guess what? I got called fucking crazy by someone who also has mental health issues, I got called lazy, whiny, and my partner let it all slide. I absolutely lost it when I found out, because how could YOU tell YOUR friend about MY personal problems that I TRUSTED you with?

I'm so ashamed that I'd like to jump right now.

And my partner told me they want to sleep with other people but still stay in a relationship with me - how fucking undesirable am I now? I cried today because I was only the second choice again; and got told to get my jealousy issues in control and to accept the fact that my partner has friends.

This is all over the place and it's not even everything, I just don't know where else to put my thoughts, sorry. I literally just want to die; not just right now, but always. It makes me want to ctb literally every time. I feel so sick. The problem is that we live together and I can't afford an apartment on my own. What a fucking shitshow. Dying sounds so much easier than dealing with this.

I was in a pretty emotionally abusive relationship recently. She would stop ALL affection suddenly, and start ghosting me, changing topic, lie and do one word replies. That experience destroyed me to the point of a ctb plan. She broke up with me after I confronted her about the lack of communication, and I was pretty set on on doing ctb at that point. My friends provided their care for me and I decided to go to a psychiatric hospital instead. It's been months, I still get panic attacks when thinking about her sometimes, it's hard.
But here's my advice to you, from what I learned past few months of recovery - they don't define you as a person. The thing is, people are shit. Like, humans are just shit by default, and it's rare to find actually good people. Sometimes you can find yourself being in a relationship with someone who gives you an illusion that they're good for you - but they are not. From what you describe, this person is a fucking asshole, and they probably don't deserve you. You're a person who chooses to love them, and they don't appreciate it. I don't think they're worth your mental strain. I'd say to just break up, even if it's hard.
I know how you feel when it comes to being suicidal, as I struggle with it a lot, but what's currently helping me is having at least some support system, a mental hospital stay when I was unstable, and therapy. No matter what you choose to do, I hope you find peace.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Fucked up relationship is why I am going to jump.

 

[sadproton]

Relatable. Just got out of a psychiatric unit stay for three weeks as a result of a similar situation.

 

[mob]

I was in a pretty emotionally abusive relationship recently. She would stop ALL affection suddenly, and start ghosting me, changing topic, lie and do one word replies. That experience destroyed me to the point of a ctb plan. She broke up with me after I confronted her about the lack of communication, and I was pretty set on on doing ctb at that point. My friends provided their care for me and I decided to go to a psychiatric hospital instead. It's been months, I still get panic attacks when thinking about her sometimes, it's hard.
But here's my advice to you, from what I learned past few months of recovery - they don't define you as a person. The thing is, people are shit. Like, humans are just shit by default, and it's rare to find actually good people. Sometimes you can find yourself being in a relationship with someone who gives you an illusion that they're good for you - but they are not. From what you describe, this person is a fucking asshole, and they probably don't deserve you. You're a person who chooses to love them, and they don't appreciate it. I don't think they're worth your mental strain. I'd say to just break up, even if it's hard.
I know how you feel when it comes to being suicidal, as I struggle with it a lot, but what's currently helping me is having at least some support system, a mental hospital stay when I was unstable, and therapy. No matter what you choose to do, I hope you find peace.

I'm sorry to hear about your abusive relationship. I'm glad you got out.

Thank you for your kind words. I actually managed to break up with her, but we had a long talk and decided to stay together. I feel so pathetic since I really don't want to lose her. I'm not in the right financial position to pay rent and care for the cats all by myself + afford food. If it doesn't get better, I'll break it off as soon as I have enough money to afford all those things.

 

[SanguineShark]

I'm sorry to hear about your abusive relationship. I'm glad you got out.

Thank you for your kind words. I actually managed to break up with her, but we had a long talk and decided to stay together. I feel so pathetic since I really don't want to lose her. I'm not in the right financial position to pay rent and care for the cats all by myself + afford food. If it doesn't get better, I'll break it off as soon as I have enough money to afford all those things.

I wish you good luck. Do you think you'd be able to stay at your parents house? Or find a new roommate?

 

[mob]

I wish you good luck. Do you think you'd be able to stay at your parents house? Or find a new roommate?

That's impossible at the moment unfortunately. I can't stay with my parents, and I'm unable to find any roommates. I also can't even stay at a friend's place since there's no one I'm truly close to.