relapsing is part of revovery.

[catgirl4lifes]

let me tell you guys a small story. when i was younger (think 13-14 years old. bareky a teenager) pressured with constant changes in my life and inability to meet my own expectations, i fell down the hole of depressive, suicidal thoughts, sh and si. i never did anything drastic, mostly due to the fact that my parents still had control over some of my life. you can say that due to them simply restraining my independency i am still alive.
then i got better. i stopped. i realised there were things to look forward to, life had its worth. i wanted to be a doctor. i wanted to help people i wanted to make a difference, even if i wasn't satisfied with myself i would press on. i was better. for 3 years, i had been better.
and now, 3 years from that, i am back where i was, lowest of the low, with no desire to continue doing anything. i still do things. i brush my teeth. i go to uni. i take showers. i eat food. i continue to persist, because i know i already got better once. i know that just because im down again, just because i have these thoughts again it doesn't mean that i failed. i want to get better. to get better is to persist against all odds. its hard and its probably not going to be the last time im going to get better and then fall back into despair, but relapsing is part of the journey, i guess.

so don't beat yourself for failing. you did it once. you can do it again.

 

[cosifantutti]

I think it's excellent that you feel that way, it'll help with your recovery.

Unfortunately when I'm unwell I have a total inability to believe things will get better even though I've had lots of bad spells. I would say that pessimism is a symptom of my mental illness. I've always envied people who have that optimism.

Wishing you well.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I'm happy for you that you are able to be so strong.
It takes an enormous amount of self-discipline and inner strength to battle depression.
Unfortunately for me, I have untreatable-persistent depression and Anhedonia and don't even want to get better anymore.

 

[catgirl4lifes]

I think it's excellent that you feel that way, it'll help with your recovery.

Unfortunately when I'm unwell I have a total inability to believe things will get better even though I've had lots of bad spells. I would say that pessimism is a symptom of my mental illness. I've always envied people who have that optimism.

Wishing you well.

Im proud that you are still here despite how hard it is for you. You're very strong. I hope you find your way to get out of the pessimistic hell hole. Wishing you well too /⁠ᐠ⁠｡⁠ꞈ⁠｡⁠ᐟ⁠\

I'm happy for you that you are able to be so strong.
It takes an enormous amount of self-discipline and inner strength to battle depression.
Unfortunately for me, I have untreatable-persistent depression and Anhedonia and don't even want to get better anymore.

what matter is that you're still here and judging from the fact that you are in the recovery forum, you are trying. I hope that eventually even through all your struggles you will get better. You got this far already, which means you can get further ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

 

[cosifantutti]

I'm happy for you that you are able to be so strong.
It takes an enormous amount of self-discipline and inner strength to battle depression.
Unfortunately for me, I have untreatable-persistent depression and Anhedonia and don't even want to get better anymore.

Anehedonia comes at differing levels I realise. From reading you on here I think you experience what I did 20 odd years ago. Nothing registered as positive. In fact what emphasised it for me was that coming indoors out of the cold registered as a positive and opening my bowels when I went to the loo. The fact that these registered as positive tells me just how bad it was.

I've had anhedonia on occasions since then and if I hadn't had such a terrible experience initially I wouldn't have known it was possible to be worse.

I really feel for you. Even thinking about my experience scares me.

Take care x

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Anehedonia comes at differing levels I realise. From reading you on here I think you experience what I did 20 odd years ago. Nothing registered as positive. In fact what emphasised it for me was that coming indoors out of the cold registered as a positive and opening my bowels when I went to the loo. The fact that these registered as positive tells me just how bad it was.

I've had anhedonia on occasions since then and if I hadn't had such a terrible experience initially I wouldn't have known it was possible to be worse.

I really feel for you. Even thinking about my experience scares me.

Take care x

Thank you.