Relapsing into your broken feelings. Slipups.

[woe-boy]

I hate the ebb and flow of recovery, I'll be honest with you all.

I've been on a decent enough wind of recovery, even though grieving is a background process in my daily life. Grief, when it first occurs, it's the loudest scream ever. You are struck with the pain, the questions, the moral insolvency. There isn't a surefire answer. But as well, there is silence. Over time, your scream gets quieter and quieter, to just a small hum in the background. But that hum, is still you screaming. Your heart inside is still crying. The tears don't fall down the same, but you do cry.

I'm having a rough time the past two or three days. Lots of reminders of the past coming up and it is making me question everything. Please keep my heart in your thoughts.

Does anyone else here struggle with recovery slipups, with the return of passive ideation? It is horrible and good lord, is it painful.

A mantra we all must learn and abide by is that people come and go in and out of your life. These are lyrics from a song that I cannot remember, but they're an extremely true and crucial lesson. You have to accept the loss - accept death, a parting, a breakup, a distanced friendship. It is the only civilized way to get around it. We'll hopefully get answers later on.

 

[Hirokami]

This godawful month made me have several bad slipups. It's to the point where I have daily ideations even, though it's a miracle I haven't self-harmed yet. Though, it honestly makes me feel like things will never improve and I'm stuck like this. I know progress isn't linear, but I wish it could be. I just hate making a little bit of progress just for something to make it all mean nothing. It's just so tiring ... I do hope things get better for you, though.

 

[timf]

A slightly recursive trajectory may serve to help us accumulate resolve for the next step forward.

 

[FatalSystemError591]

That's exactly why I returned to the forum. I've relapsed in recovery and the passive has turned to nearly active again. Would be fully active but I don't have what I need to go the way I want.

 

[Seiko]

I feel it. Sometimes I think I recovered. Then, all the dopamine goes away out of the blue, and I start sobbing for reasons I can't even identify. Sometimes I think being "recovered" is just stopping the bleeding on an open wound. It doesn't take much agitation for the blood to rush out again. I'm not too sure, but maybe it's the way of life, and we've got to take it day by day. But I'm not counting on myself to do that.

 

[willitpass]

unfortunately just as pain is temporary, so is wellness. it used to help me to write down all of the opposite feelings of what i truly felt, so if i felt like "recovery is pointless and i'll never get better" i would write "i am getting better and it's going to be worth it even if i'm slipping up". to be honest with you i don't really find anything helpful with relapses anymore, though i've given up trying and don't care anymore. i hope you find your way out of this rut and life is kinder to you