Venting relapse

[devil]

So this past week has been absolutely terrible. My boyfriend broke up with me, the medication I'm taking has had the opposite effect and now I'm suicidal/homicidal and more depressed than I've ever been. I've been calling out of work for awhile now because I don't have any energy to do anything. I don't eat or sleep. All I want to do right now is relapse. I want to get wasted, I want so much alcohol right now and I want to slit my wrists, I miss seeing the blood. It calmed me down and made me feel in control of my life. I feel insane, I want to scream, or cry, I want to strangle someone but I also want to hang myself and never wake up.
I feel fucking miserable.

 

[Rachel74]

What medication are you on?

 

[devil]

What medication are you on?

Lithium, Wellbutrin, Trazodone, and Hydroxyzine.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

Lithium, Wellbutrin, Trazodone, and Hydroxyzine.

I've taken all of those. Have you spoken with your doc? Maybe all those together are causing an issue.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. We are such guinea pigs. There has to be a better way.

 

[devil]

I've taken all of those. Have you spoken with your doc? Maybe all those together are causing an issue.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. We are such guinea pigs. There has to be a better way.

Yeah I've spoken to them. They're going to adjust it. And it's okay, I'm just sick of taking medication and knowing that my 'happiness' is fake because it's just the medicine that's doing it

 

[Beautifulletdown]

Yeah I've spoken to them. They're going to adjust it. And it's okay, I'm just sick of taking medication and knowing that my 'happiness' is fake because it's just the medicine that's doing it

I totally understand about being sick of medications, because I've been on and off them since 10. It sucks. I was always told the pills can't make you happy, they will get you to a baseline but it's up to you from there. Sometimes the medication works for a bit and stops, so you hopefully find something even better. You can do this. We're all here to listen if you need that and support you.