Venting Relapse shuffle

[Housefly]

It's been a week already, I tried doing stuff to help and I'm taking my meds. Broke down crying for I don't know how long and I still don't know why. School is starting soon and I'm going to go through with it I just don't care. I have one more week of an internship and I just don't care anymore, I don't even want the money. What would I do with money?

I had a hobby of doing my nails just to focus on something productive and pretty; I plan to buy a kit with my internship money (it's a bit pricey since it's brand name) and my mother asks me if I'm going to make money from it. Why is everything about money? I get that she's just trying to get me to be compensated by doing other people's nails but I DO NOT CARE. I don't want to do anyone's nails except my own and let that be it. It really irritate me that I can't do anything that doesn't incur revenue. I don't need it, I don't care. I rarely get anything for myself. Maybe this is stupid but it drains me that everything is a transaction that I did not sign up for.

Everything is just so irritating, I have no idea what's bothering me and how to stop it. Maybe I want candy, until I get candy and I regret it. Maybe I want to watch a movie, can't pay attention to that. Tried listening to music, time to cry for no reason. I tried talking to 'friends' but I get really tired really quickly, like drained and I never know if I'm saying too much.

I don't want to go to work, I don't want to move. Everything tastes bland or overpowering. My body feels tired, my eyes throb. I hate it here. Just let me die, I'm suffering please let me die.

I don't know why I need anyone's permission but after my first attempt I feel scared/uncomfortable/ nauseous.

(Time to cry again)
I need to sleep

 

[FuneralCry]

I get that it really can be so dreadful feeling trapped in a situation you hate, it must be tiring having to suffer like that, to me it's certainly understandable just wishing to be free from it all. But anyway I wish you the best.