Venting Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and the need to hurt myself

[scary]

It doesn't matter how small, but the littlest bit of rejection from anyone makes me want to hurt myself. If any of my family members especially look at me weird or get a bad reaction when I say or do something I want to slice my arms up, bash my head against a wall, call myself the r word. I'm an idiot who can't do anything right and I deserve to punish myself like this.
My mind is a prison most days, either screaming at me or unable to think at all. I keep telling myself I'm used to being mocked and that I can just ignore and forget, "I'll be dead one day anyway", but I still end up reacting like this behind closed doors.

I should just shut up and curl in on myself for the rest of my life.

 

[Ghostlights]

When I had the urge to hurt myself I tried to find something else I could damage. I used my knife to make cuts into different materials (wood works best for me)... that didn't always work, of course... I'm a bit better now. I don't often feel like cutting, but I've become a very angry person. Now, I prefer to go to some of those old greenhouses that haven't been used in a long time, take a stick and smash the glass with it. That helps at least a little bit, but afterwards I usually sit on the ground and cry, because I remind myself of my father.

I'm an idiot who can't do anything right and I deserve to punish myself like this.

In my opinion, the biggest idiots are those, who do everything wrong and don't apologize or even realize it... those who end up hurting other people with their actions and think that they are always in the right, when in reality they aren't. Doesn't seem to be the case with you...

 

[thelostautistic]

You're not alone in feeling this way rejection sensitivity dysphoria is so painful

 

[TheLastGreySky]

It doesn't matter how small, but the littlest bit of rejection from anyone makes me want to hurt myself. If any of my family members especially look at me weird or get a bad reaction when I say or do something I want to slice my arms up, bash my head against a wall, call myself the r word. I'm an idiot who can't do anything right and I deserve to punish myself like this.
My mind is a prison most days, either screaming at me or unable to think at all. I keep telling myself I'm used to being mocked and that I can just ignore and forget, "I'll be dead one day anyway", but I still end up reacting like this behind closed doors.

I should just shut up and curl in on myself for the rest of my life.

I know you're not in a place where you can just turn a switch off and stop caring what these people think... But you have to be eventually. The less you care = the more you have. It's crazy when you think about it that first glance... But think about it... Why are you seeking validation from someone else?
And if by some way you could get people to seek your validation instead... Wouldn't that be more beneficial for you?

Project the person you want to be and slowly become them. But don't be a toxic asshole.
Just know your worth.

 

[junctionbox]

same. <3 it sucks, and it feels like an endless loop of shame and hatred where you spiral further and further with no escape -- except for self harm. i haven't been able to find a release as powerful as cutting. but what sometimes helps is just to sit with the feeling, to try to remember that being so rejection sensitive is just how my brain is hardwired, it really isn't a reflection of reality. would you hate someone else for doing the things you hate yourself for? i know it feels like it's different, but it's really not. as people we are allowed to make mistakes and not be perfect. but again i know how hard it is in the moment.

also i'm sorry to hear you're used to being mocked

 

[mya_]

I literally feel this and it gets worse every time. Today, someone said I did a wrong thing the other day and I wanted to kill myself nice

 

[luckyduck]

Saw this title and immediately recognized myself in it. I used to start self-harming at the slightest hint of criticism. Now I just self-isolate.

 

[fairygirl184]

i really really relate to this - i find RSD a huge struggle on a daily basis. no advice as i'm in deep with it, but i hope knowing you aren't alone is a comfort

 

[eggsausagerice]

feeling stupid or like people hate me because i messed up one thing makes me think that i should ghost them or isolate from them because they must think i'm terrible at everything. i'm incredibly easy to tip off and make sad. it makes me feel like a baby. i don't think my RSD will ever go away and it makes me a very difficult person to be around. i'm glad that other people feel like this. being raised in a family that only points out your mistakes and never praises your successes just seems to make things worse for me. no one around me wants to believe in me.