Regret/remorse is making me want to CTB

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Hey guys I'm new here and figured I'd just ask for some input on my current situation. So I fucked up really bad with my now ex girlfriend. While dating her I kissed another girl who my now ex told me I wasnt allowed to be friends with. After we kissed I hid that information from my girlfriend and even the night of had asked the person I cheated with to A) do it again and B) for nudes. That night after all the adrenaline wore off I realized I shouldn't have done any of this and that I shouldn't continue to do it so I called off any "further happenings." She said ok and we moved on from it.

Three days after, my ex girlfriend breaks up me with me bcus she cant handle long distance. I was obviously devestated by this but in the time we were apart I lied essentially saying I wouldn't even be able to LOOK at another women. I texted the person I cheated on my ex with to hook up bcus I'd wanted some immediate comfort. She had said no so I again relinquished further attempts.

Then my ex came down from college for winter break and we met up to talk abt things. Everything went so great. Everything felt like it was normal again and I was so happy. We said our byes and even said I love you to each other when we left. The next day after I took my chemistry final the person I cheated with called my ex girlfriend to let them know that all of this happened while we were dating. I was supposed to come over but they said "fuck you, dont come over to see me, give me all my gifts/letters back"

What followed was (well deserved) verbal barrating from my ex for ever doing this to them. I understand everything entirely from my ex's POV but I just wish she'd be able to see that the kiss + what followed wasn't from a lack of love for them but rather a deep rooted insecurity in myself that gives me a NEED for validation from anyone. For a bit of context to the kiss I had been feeling insecure in my relationship bcus my girlfriend wasn't showing any interest in my life since they moved and were dorming with their crush of 7 years who she wanted to fuck. The restrictions placed on me + my girlfriend living with someone they had wanted to fuck + self-gaslighting into thinking my ex was definitely cheating on me led to everything happening. I seriously regretted it then and I seriously regret it now. I fear that I'm a deeply rotten person and that none of this can ever change. I miss them so much and I know my actions dont reflect it but they are the love of my life and I'm at a loss for what to do. I tried to CTB twice by partial hanging (both of which they know about unfortunately) and for now I'm backing off from immediately CTB.

Extra context: This was my first relationship, we were dating for a little over a year, during the period where I cheated we had been apart 3 weeks, my ex said that I'll never change and now that they see the "real" me they belive our whole relationship was a sham (which is not true), I wrote them a letter included with their shit saying I'll reach out in october to see if they want to talk.

Soooooo is there any salvaging my life as of now? Should I wait to see if things improve? Am I a deeply flawed/evil person that needs to CTB? I know I fucked up and broke my ex's trust irreparably but I just wish we could split on better terms bcus I KNOW that this was a one time mistake that I INSTANTLY regretted making (before ever being caught). I'm really hoping they'll give me a second chance in the future but I know it'll never happen.

TLDR: I cheated on my ex by kissing another girl and asking for nudes on the same day, I regretted it and tried to hide it, they found out from the other person, we broke up, they said they hate me and that I'll never get better, I tried to CTB twice from the shame/guilt/sadness I felt as a result and don't know if I can stand to see this all play out.

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Bump bcus no responses yet

 

[Sleeper System]

Someone should send this post to your girlfriend. You're saying everything you feel and that's really the only thing you can do in a situation like this. Be real and communicate your heart. The feeling of betryal is something that people don't get over easily and you have to accept that it might not be enough. Time, loyalty, honesty, and sometimes even sacrifice are the only remedies i've seen work for this kind of thing. If you give your best shot then no matter what happens, you did all you could, and what is is what will be. Good luck.

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Someone should send this post to your girlfriend. You're saying everything you feel and that's really the only thing you can do in a situation like this. Be real and communicate your heart. The feeling of betryal is something that people don't get over easily and you have to accept that it might not be enough. Time, loyalty, honesty, and sometimes even sacrifice are the only remedies i've seen work for this kind of thing. If you give your best shot then no matter what happens, you did all you could, and what is is what will be. Good luck.

Definitely good advice but idk how to grapple with the thought of not having her in my life anymore. She means so much to me and I hate that I hurt them like this but I fear it's point of no return where we can't even be friends in the future.

 

[Sleeper System]

Definitely good advice but idk how to grapple with the thought of not having her in my life anymore. She means so much to me and I hate that I hurt them like this but I fear it's point of no return where we can't even be friends in the future.

If we knew the effect of every action that we took, we would be paralyze with indecision. This is why thinking before you leap is so important. If, in the moment, you could see that this might happen based on the action you wanted to take, you would have chosen a different path. However, the choice has been made and there is no going back or erasing the past. If you really love her then you have to fight for her forgiveness and come to accept that loving her might mean having to let her go.

The best advice I can give you is just keep in contact with her. Keep trying to talk to her. As long as you keep that line open then there is still a chance. Don't lay your feelings on too thick. Just be there for her and show her affection. If she cuts off communication completely then that is your sign to start pulling back and give her some space. It's not an easy thing to love someone so much and then imagine a life for yourself where they aren't apart of it. CTB will always be an option when you lose control. Sometimes there is no happy ending.
Sometimes all you can do is sleep it off. The temperary sleep... or the permanant one.

 

[offtoseethewizard]

M

Hey guys I'm new here and figured I'd just ask for some input on my current situation. So I fucked up really bad with my now ex girlfriend. While dating her I kissed another girl who my now ex told me I wasnt allowed to be friends with. After we kissed I hid that information from my girlfriend and even the night of had asked the person I cheated with to A) do it again and B) for nudes. That night after all the adrenaline wore off I realized I shouldn't have done any of this and that I shouldn't continue to do it so I called off any "further happenings." She said ok and we moved on from it.

Three days after, my ex girlfriend breaks up me with me bcus she cant handle long distance. I was obviously devestated by this but in the time we were apart I lied essentially saying I wouldn't even be able to LOOK at another women. I texted the person I cheated on my ex with to hook up bcus I'd wanted some immediate comfort. She had said no so I again relinquished further attempts.

Then my ex came down from college for winter break and we met up to talk abt things. Everything went so great. Everything felt like it was normal again and I was so happy. We said our byes and even said I love you to each other when we left. The next day after I took my chemistry final the person I cheated with called my ex girlfriend to let them know that all of this happened while we were dating. I was supposed to come over but they said "fuck you, dont come over to see me, give me all my gifts/letters back"

What followed was (well deserved) verbal barrating from my ex for ever doing this to them. I understand everything entirely from my ex's POV but I just wish she'd be able to see that the kiss + what followed wasn't from a lack of love for them but rather a deep rooted insecurity in myself that gives me a NEED for validation from anyone. For a bit of context to the kiss I had been feeling insecure in my relationship bcus my girlfriend wasn't showing any interest in my life since they moved and were dorming with their crush of 7 years who she wanted to fuck. The restrictions placed on me + my girlfriend living with someone they had wanted to fuck + self-gaslighting into thinking my ex was definitely cheating on me led to everything happening. I seriously regretted it then and I seriously regret it now. I fear that I'm a deeply rotten person and that none of this can ever change. I miss them so much and I know my actions dont reflect it but they are the love of my life and I'm at a loss for what to do. I tried to CTB twice by partial hanging (both of which they know about unfortunately) and for now I'm backing off from immediately CTB.

Extra context: This was my first relationship, we were dating for a little over a year, during the period where I cheated we had been apart 3 weeks, my ex said that I'll never change and now that they see the "real" me they belive our whole relationship was a sham (which is not true), I wrote them a letter included with their shit saying I'll reach out in october to see if they want to talk.

Soooooo is there any salvaging my life as of now? Should I wait to see if things improve? Am I a deeply flawed/evil person that needs to CTB? I know I fucked up and broke my ex's trust irreparably but I just wish we could split on better terms bcus I KNOW that this was a one time mistake that I INSTANTLY regretted making (before ever being caught). I'm really hoping they'll give me a second chance in the future but I know it'll never happen.

TLDR: I cheated on my ex by kissing another girl and asking for nudes on the same day, I regretted it and tried to hide it, they found out from the other person, we broke up, they said they hate me and that I'll never get better, I tried to CTB twice from the shame/guilt/sadness I felt as a result and don't know if I can stand to see this all play out.

Mate, congratulations - you're human.

I've made this mistake before and felt awful, but with time I realised that many, many people have done this and worse and gone on to live perfectly fine lives. It's a learning experience. You shouldn't expect yourself to be perfect straight off the bat. Just learn from it and try not to do it again.

You didn't sleep with them, you didn't abuse them. Think about 'fuck boys/girls'. The sadness they create is far more extensive.

You'll be ok. But if this obsessiveness about your actions is indication of a deeper mental health issue that you have (and it very well might - most people would just chalk it up as a learning experience and move on), then counseling may help you out it all in perspective.

Being suicidal is a huge overreaction I think, again - unless there's no underlying mental issue that you have little control over. I'm not trying to disqualify your feelings at all, because they are real. But I think you're being way too hard on yourself. You aren't the first person or the last person to do something like this!

As for salvaging the relationship - I think it has to be up to them. Sometimes it's best just to live and let live. You'll meet someone else. It's a big world out there and it sounds like you are young. You'll meet someone else who you'll love just as much, I promise.

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

Bump once more!!!!

M

Mate, congratulations - you're human.

I've made this mistake before and felt awful, but with time I realised that many, many people have done this and worse and gone on to live perfectly fine lives. It's a learning experience. You shouldn't expect yourself to be perfect straight off the bat. Just learn from it and try not to do it again.

You didn't sleep with them, you didn't abuse them. Think about 'fuck boys/girls'. The sadness they create is far more extensive.

You'll be ok. But if this obsessiveness about your actions is indication of a deeper mental health issue that you have (and it very well might - most people would just chalk it up as a learning experience and move on), then counseling may help you out it all in perspective.

Being suicidal is a huge overreaction I think, again - unless there's no underlying mental issue that you have little control over. I'm not trying to disqualify your feelings at all, because they are real. But I think you're being way too hard on yourself. You aren't the first person or the last person to do something like this!

As for salvaging the relationship - I think it has to be up to them. Sometimes it's best just to live and let live. You'll meet someone else. It's a big world out there and it sounds like you are young. You'll meet someone else who you'll love just as much, I promise.

If you dont mind me asking how long did it take you to be okay with yourself afterwards? Bcus I'm scared this is something that's gonna haunt me forever

 

[offtoseethewizard]

Bump once more!!!!

If you dont mind me asking how long did it take you to be okay with yourself afterwards? Bcus I'm scared this is something that's gonna haunt me forever

Mate - it would have been in the order of months.

All you can do is apologise and move on. Everyone makes mistakes, and this mistake in the grand scheme of things is really something you shouldn't lose too much sleep over as long as you learn from it!