Discussion Regaining your interests

[LostMyWill]

Hi everyone, I was wondering, have diet, exercise and meditation yadda yadda... helped you regain lost interests?
Over the past years, suffering from clinical depression, I lost around 90% of my interest: video games, watching series, playing the piano, swimming, cycling, bodybuilding, drawing, personal projects (coding), LOVE.
I spend all day simply browsing facebook/youtube trying to keep my sanity, and sometimes I go eat outside or buy ice cream, but that's it. I feel so empty.

I'm currently on lamotrigine, lithium, paroxetine and olanzapine.

Last year I went to the gym for like 5 months straight thinking that "maybe I'll regain my interest in it again", then quit because it made me feel miserable.
I also went to the beach with some acquaintances and the sea just felt boring.
Tried cycling too, same indifference.

My pyschiatrist just keeps adjusting my prescription every time, waiting for something to change.

I don't even know what to do at this point.

 

[timf]

There is a limit to what we can consume without becoming jaded. It can help to find a way to help someone else such as volunteer work. Balancing giving and taking might offer an alternative.

 

[western_heart]

Have you considered the possibility of medication induced anhedonia?

Lamotrigine caused me to be mildly anhedonic when I was first titrating up, "what's the point if I don't enjoy anything?" but not making plans. It wasn't as bad for anhedonia at higher doses, and I still take it today at an in between dose.

Olanzapine turned me into a zombie and I barely remember the few months of my life that I was on it, especially when I wasn't also taking a hypomania-inducing SSRI.

The drug cocktail may also reduce mental functioning, I don't remember how bad I was when olanzapine (but I still got a good performance review at work that winter, which I know because there was paper evidence, so )

 

[LostMyWill]

Have you considered the possibility of medication induced anhedonia?

Lamotrigine caused me to be mildly anhedonic when I was first titrating up, "what's the point if I don't enjoy anything?" but not making plans. It wasn't as bad for anhedonia at higher doses, and I still take it today at an in between dose.

Olanzapine turned me into a zombie and I barely remember the few months of my life that I was on it, especially when I wasn't also taking a hypomania-inducing SSRI.

The drug cocktail may also reduce mental functioning, I don't remember how bad I was when olanzapine (but I still got a good performance review at work that winter, which I know because there was paper evidence, so )

I used to take 10 mg of Olanzapine everyday, however, this year my doctor gradually reduced the dosage to just 2.5 mg and only taking it on Monday and Wednesday (so 5 mg a whole week), and 3 weeks ago he only left me with just 2.5 mg on Monday only. I did feel better one week after (felt a little more alive and motivated) but then I just went back to being anhedonic.

I also need to mention that, while gradually reducing my Olanzapine dosage, he gradually increased my Lamotrigine dosage in parallel. I started off with just 25 mg everyday, then 50 mg, then 100, and now I take 125.

 

[Lain8]

In my experience, it doesn't. I've been exercising on and off, trying to keep a healthy diet, but it hasn't helped me regain lost interests. When I start to work on a hobby, I find that I get bored quite easily as it doesn't make as happy as it did before. I feel the "worst" part of my depression is coming and it may be because of the monotony of my work. Facebook and Youtube actually make me feel worse I feel.

What about your social circle? Do you keep in touch with your friends? Family? Significant other?

 

[Zegers]

Unfortunately, no. I feel empty most of days and i think exercise is overrated. I think my grey life has clouded everything.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Unfortunately, no. I feel empty most of days and i think exercise is overrated. I think my grey life has clouded everything.

I agree. It's the same with me. Everything feels routine. Even trying to do things that I would do normally like playing video games or watching a movie gets boring to me. By the end of it I just think "what was the point? It was just another distraction."

 

[lacetta]

want to mirror what western_heart said - if it is possible, i would recommend tapering off the pills. when i took lithium, if it were as if i was lobotomized. my head felt like a brick, and brute force willpower was required to focus on and complete tasks with no enjoyment along the way. depending on what symptoms the meds are confronting, you can try to replace them with non-pill methods outlined in CBT. this is what i wish to do myself, in most cases pills are little more than a peely baindaid

 

[Hollowillow]

Hi everyone, I was wondering, have diet, exercise and meditation yadda yadda... helped you regain lost interests?
Over the past years, suffering from clinical depression, I lost around 90% of my interest: video games, watching series, playing the piano, swimming, cycling, bodybuilding, drawing, personal projects (coding), LOVE.
I spend all day simply browsing facebook/youtube trying to keep my sanity, and sometimes I go eat outside or buy ice cream, but that's it. I feel so empty.

I'm currently on lamotrigine, lithium, paroxetine and olanzapine.

Last year I went to the gym for like 5 months straight thinking that "maybe I'll regain my interest in it again", then quit because it made me feel miserable.
I also went to the beach with some acquaintances and the sea just felt boring.
Tried cycling too, same indifference.

My pyschiatrist just keeps adjusting my prescription every time, waiting for something to change.

I don't even know what to do at this point.

I'm exhaused & in pain. So exercise makes it worse. I have no energy for accomplishments & joy.

It might be a side effect of medication

See us as your hobby?

 

[LostMyWill]

In my experience, it doesn't. I've been exercising on and off, trying to keep a healthy diet, but it hasn't helped me regain lost interests. When I start to work on a hobby, I find that I get bored quite easily as it doesn't make as happy as it did before. I feel the "worst" part of my depression is coming and it may be because of the monotony of my work. Facebook and Youtube actually make me feel worse I feel.

What about your social circle? Do you keep in touch with your friends? Family? Significant other?

I do keep in touch with my family and friends, every week I go visit my parents and talk with them, and sometimes I go visit my friend and watch/play something with him and his siblings. But honestly it feels the same whether I meet them or stay home alone.

 

[Numb]

I saw a therapist briefly a while back and she said to engage in activities despite not feeling enjoyment from them and then the pleasure will arrive eventually. It's difficult in practise though. I've been attempting to force myself to do things I used to enjoy only to feel quite demoralised when the pleasure doesn't arrive

 

[Night_Crew]

Following a breakup, I seem to have developed (a now 3 year-long) aversion to everything I once enjoyed. Some of these things were once a fundamental part of my identity, but the shame I feel prevents me from honouring them anymore :(

 

[Throwawaysoul]

Lamotrigine caused me to be mildly anhedonic when I was first titrating up, "what's the point if I don't enjoy anything?" but not making plans. It wasn't as bad for anhedonia at higher doses, and I still take it today at an in between dose.

Even though I'm pretty sure I was like this before I started taking it, I didn't know Lamotrigine could cause this. Could you tell me about your in between dosing schedule?

 

[Celerity]

Hi everyone, I was wondering, have diet, exercise and meditation yadda yadda... helped you regain lost interests?
Over the past years, suffering from clinical depression, I lost around 90% of my interest: video games, watching series, playing the piano, swimming, cycling, bodybuilding, drawing, personal projects (coding), LOVE.
I spend all day simply browsing facebook/youtube trying to keep my sanity, and sometimes I go eat outside or buy ice cream, but that's it. I feel so empty.

I'm currently on lamotrigine, lithium, paroxetine and olanzapine.

Last year I went to the gym for like 5 months straight thinking that "maybe I'll regain my interest in it again", then quit because it made me feel miserable.
I also went to the beach with some acquaintances and the sea just felt boring.
Tried cycling too, same indifference.

My pyschiatrist just keeps adjusting my prescription every time, waiting for something to change.

I don't even know what to do at this point.

That sounds like a really long med list. I felt like shit on lamotrigine, but everyone is different.

When my anhedonia was really bad, the only thing I got anything out of was music. I remember the first time music broke through that gray fog depression puts you in. I put on my Bluetooth speaker in my drab, undecorated bathroom. Under the roar of the spray from the shower head in that dark little shower stall, I could barely make out the sound, but it was enough. I actually cried. That song will always mean something to me.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

I'm at an impasse with this issue. I could say a lot about this, but in short I find that first of all I have no more inclination towards lots of the things I used to enjoy at all, and some of them even seem off-putting, because over time they have lost their ability to give me that sense of rapture they once did. So when I try them and I almost inevitably feel that hollowness, it makes me even more miserable because I can remember when things were otherwise, which feels extra soul crushing. Funny enough the very first thing to die this death, many years ago, was weightlifting.

Part of this is due to some physical health issues which, whenever I perceive them, my mind loves to run rampant with and just take me completely out of whatever is spatially going on and pull us both into a stupid black hole. This happens multiple times a day. Another big part on the "why bother" train is that I have been living an excruciatingly solitary existence for far too long and I'm the kind of person who needs to live a connected life to feel like it matters. I used to have this and it's another thing I always compare current attempts at doing whatever to. I fell into cocktail making a couple of months ago and actually got pretty caught up in it until I realised it's all a big waste of time (and money) because I'm just mixing poison potions for myself, and even my pathetic attempts at "sharing" on the internet or whatever mostly go unseen. I also only clued in last night about the detrimental effect it must be having on my teeth which is something I'm generally paranoid as hell about. This is why we can't have nice things!

It's so bad that earlier this evening when I walked up my street to see if any of the neighbourhood cats were around, and several were, I was just crying when they came up for pets. The one that followed me up the whole block just slew me. I can't even fully grasp why but I'm guessing it's something about the constant lack of things that make me feel good, companionship/affection/interacting with other animate beings, physical contact...most active efforts at doing things just make me feel bad these days. Sigh.

 

[western_heart]

Even though I'm pretty sure I was like this before I started taking it, I didn't know Lamotrigine could cause this. Could you tell me about your in between dosing schedule?

This happened in 2013 and I dissociate a lot so my recollection is limited. I know some of this because I looked at medical records in the past.

I started at 25 mg, didn't feel much different, titrated to 50 and then 75. I started feeling anhedonic and disinterested in life. At 100 mg, I didn't care if I lived or died. It doesn't help that at the time, I was living alone and didn't have much to do besides work, my life was boring. the drug basically got rid of a lot of my emotions, good and bad, at a time when I needed them.

I am currently tapering off the drug after being at 200 mg for a few years. I'm at 125. I figure it's best for me to learn how to feel and process my emotions, positive and negative ones. It seemed like lamotrigine was dulling my memory/cognition at higher doses.