Recovery is overwhelming

[fwompie]

I've been working on improving my mental health issues for months now and it's all just been so overwhelming. There is so much that I need to improve to feel somewhat better and it requires constant focus and constant work.

I am very aware that I am always on the edge of just letting myself slip to get worse, since that feels more comfortable and I know that place better.

All the external help I'm getting takes so long to the point where it feels like a joke. I mean, at least I'm being taken seriously and the system is finally ready to actually give me resources, but being suicidal and having been suicidal for a decade, it's just really hard.

I'll keep working hard on at least not letting myself get worse but I'm secretly still hoping that at the end of my waiting lists there's a magic pill and I'll be all better.

 

[sadwriter]

I feel you– a lot of the time just getting through the day without doing anything self destructive can take up a ridiculous amount of energy. A magic pill would be really nice. I personally am not even sure what the light at the end of the tunnel is supposed to look like for me anymore, which makes the recovery process all the more difficult. But good on you for putting in the work. I hope you're able to keep hanging in there and keep working towards recovery.

 

[fwompie]

I feel you– a lot of the time just getting through the day without doing anything self destructive can take up a ridiculous amount of energy. A magic pill would be really nice. I personally am not even sure what the light at the end of the tunnel is supposed to look like for me anymore, which makes the recovery process all the more difficult. But good on you for putting in the work. I hope you're able to keep hanging in there and keep working towards recovery.

Exactly that, I am often scared of recovery because I don't remember what it's like to just feel okay for a good period of time. I feel like I'd lose part of who I am if I recover even though I logically know that won't happen. And if it does, it'll just get replaced by something else.
It really is hard and it just sucks to go into struggling with recovery from struggling with non-recovery. Ultimately I hope it'll be good. And I hope it'll eventually get a little easier for you too <3 Thank you for your sweet response

 

[zurukunai]

i did find a magic pill that made me feel better after a while
it's different for everybody and difficulty comes and goes
recovery is not linear, don't lose hope

 

[fwompie]

i did find a magic pill that made me feel better after a while
it's different for everybody and difficulty comes and goes
recovery is not linear, don't lose hope

May I ask what helped you?
I did have 2-3 longer periods of a few months the past 10-ish years where I did feel really good, was mostly just making fun of my own thoughts and that helped to a certain extent. And thank you <3