recovery but not knowing where to start?

[ilvgore]

i have a lot of problems a lot i have problems with every aspect of my life, relationships, work, family i dont know where to go and if it will be too much to ask do i go to the doctor for medicine/ benzos without going to a psychiatrist im just to lazy to look it up because im sad i realise that my avpd will never go away its making me so suicidal i have to keep up the the household everythings its too much i want to kill myself but right now i dont have any recourses im just too weak to live a life full of obstacles IM THE OBSTACLE!!!!

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes. Know that struggling with mental health is as valid as having a physical illness. Moreover, we're going through times that test our very limits. Please know it's ok not to be ok. And it's ok to be ok too. Both are valid.

I'm unsure whether you have comorbidity with your personality disorder, though I'd start with seeking a complex trauma therapist (with decent years of experience - at least 5). Modalities (not exhaustive) that treat it are: Internal Family Systems IFS, Sensorimotor psychotherapy, Somatic Experiencing, EMDR, NeuroAffective Relational Model NARM and a tool that goes well in conjunction with therapy (can be expensive, though): neurofeedback.

Getting help from a professional which can pair you up with a psychiatrist can make the difference. Sometimes we might need medication just to stay with our heads above water and breathe. Know that's ok. It may be temporary or long term, only with help you can get to know.

Additionally, as psychoeducation, I'd watch Tim Fletcher's (timfletcher.ca) videos on YouTube. "Understanding trauma", "Characteristics of Complex Trauma" and "Re-Parenting" are good videos to watch. There are a lot of them and usually at least 30 min each.

Finally, I'd search YouTube for videos (if there are any) from other avoidants diagnosed to see what tips from learned experience I could learn from them.

With help, you can manage your disorder and have increased satisfaction with your life.

 

[Nobody'sHero]

I'm not sure if pharmaceuticals are a permanent solution to what you are experiencing (they might be). Like the first person that responded said, it's okay not to be okay. It's okay to break down sometimes, try to give yourself some space to feel/acknowledge what you are going through without the pressure of having to be okay or maintaining some sort of image. Talking to a professional is important if you are feeling too overwhelmed at the moment and if they prescribe a medication that could help you stay above water for the time being.

I think a more permanent solution is more about finding a point of view on life that works for you, that helps you make sense of the world around you and what is happening in your life. That is more difficult to do and there is no instant solution, but I feel like it is more gratifying and long term. It is done through experience, through searching, through sharing/learning with people around you, through living. Turning to religion might even be a good idea during these times. Even if you do not believe in all the mystical aspects, I believe that at their core, religions offer a frame of reference (point of view) that helps you make sense of the world and can help you make decisions that can improve your life (most religions will not lead you to destruction). They can also help answer a lot of questions that you may have about why you are here, why things are the way they are, what is the meaning of being alive, etc. If you are wondering which one is the best for you, try leaning into what has been practiced in your family since a lot of the moral bases or ideas that were passed on to you come from there. FOR ME, that was Catholicism, and although it has not solved all my problems I can say that I wish I had leaned into it much earlier, it has offered answers to many of my questions that make sense to me. I also like the sense of community that it offers me, I participate in a prayer circle in my church and that has been very fun and eye opening for me... Catholics believe that depression/ mental health is more of a spiritual affliction, I think there might be something to that. Just a thought...