Venting Reconsidering Suicide Again

[Mebius]

Just had an argument with my dad. Told him I dont like this life, i dont like the way i am, im not grateful for anything, i regret being born, that he hurt me.... But no, he just called me a coward, retard, ungrateful... He never wants to admit he was wrong, only lip service with no change... I wanted to give life a chance, but no more deluding and lying to myself, then here i am, that chance probably shattered already.. My life is SHIT and PITIFUL... I am an UTTER MOTHERFUCKING FAILURE NOBODY... and im not saying this in a self deprecating way... thats WHAT I AM... A MOTHER FUCKING DIRTY FUCKING SLIME COCKROACH.

In his house, its either his way or no way at all... He just says he will leave and give the house to me, see if i can survive all by myself... What was that supposed to prove to me? That I need him? That im a FUCKING FAILURE JOBLESS CUNT? That I would suffer even more without his "benevolence"? I NEVER DENIED ANY OF THIS... I AM A FUCKING DEAD WEIGHT...

He never wants to confront the question of "Did I asked to be born?". He never wants it, always giving an answer im not sure he even believes in. hell he even said to me straight that if he is able to, he will switch me for someone else.

There is a convenient train station 2 minutes away on foot, and I dont know, i know i have the guts to do it... But haha, now suddenly im scared that hell might exist. hahahahahahhahaha

What an utter fucking joke. Im an utter mother fucking joke... I exist so that other people can point to me and say "Haha, atleast im not like that loser". What have i done to deserve this?

:(

im really crying right now :(



:(

 

[EternalSummer]

Bro, want some tip if ctb is the path you decided ? Make peace with your father, try to put yourself in his position and understand that having to deal with a neuro divergent child is very stressful(i'm in the same position as you too, 28 still fully dependant) . The day I decided to CTB is when I became my best version as a son, because I could truly forgive everything they did that hurt me, because I understood that their position is not easy too and that they love me. He loves you too, i'm sure, maybe he's too fond of tough love or maybe you tried to push him with the words and tone you used.

Anyway, when the day arrives, going out with no ill feelings towards the ones you love is the best way. Now is the time to make ammendments, if you want to go out with peace in your heart and not with anger and vengeance, that's the only way.