but hesitation or jerking at last minute - I don't want to do that.
That would be on you. Any flinching would be caused by your SI (and nervousness) in the moment. There's not much you're going to be able to do to control that.
As far as recoil....................you can't stop that, either. Recoil is governed by Newton's Third Law of Motion - for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If the gun is in your mouth, not just at the opening to your mouth, but actually in your mouth, when you squeeze the trigger, the blast is going to cause the gun to move in the opposite direction. That really shouldn't make any difference as far as shooting yourself, though, as the bullet will already be at it's intended location. A "typical" .380 round has a muzzle velocity exiting the barrel of between 900 to over 1200 feet/second, depending on the type of bullet, of course. I don't know if you're versed in "English" units of measure since I don't know where you live, but 1000 feet/second is equivalent to 305 meters/second. Basically, as soon as the bullet fires, it is already in your skull, or possibly through your skull, since the distance between the barrel (in your mouth) and it's intended target is only a few inches, or just several centimeters.
Whether a .380 round is powerful enough to cause enough damage to result in death is a different discussion. Certainly, it
can be enough. How badly are you going to be shaking? I mean is the barrel going to be moving left and right in your mouth from your excessive nervousness, enough movement to throw the shot off so far as to miss the brain stem? With a single bullet, no doubt, you need to be more on target than with a shotgun loaded with buckshot, that just takes everything out in the projectiles' path. Also, there is always the possibility that you could miss the brain stem, but still achieve your goal of death if you sever blood vessels, although you may suffer awareness of your actions if that is what happens. I'd say that if you find yourself shaking uncontrollably, you might want to consider putting off the event and trying again at a different time when you may be able to better control your reactions to the moment. Don't discount the gravity of the moment. Killing yourself is a freaking big deal and your body is going to react accordingly. It's just the nature of what it is.
