Laststop
Experienced
- Jul 9, 2019
- 243
Like many of you, I have mental and emotional problems. If I had the means, I'd be a shut it. But being a working slob, up until recently, with humble cash flow, I've had to be out and about. But, I get use to things. And I HATE change. A lot of the things in my city are changing so fast recently. All of the places I have gone over the last 20 years all sort of decided to either close, or change a lot. It makes me so uneasy. One place I recently visited for the first time in years was REALLY BAD. Our humble mall was a hang out for me for a lot of the 20 years I've been in my city. But everyone knows over the last years it's gone down hill, and I haven't gone back. About a week ago, on a Friday evening, when it once would have been packed, with stores bustling, and the food court hoping, I visited it, and it was empty of both people and stores. A few anchor stores are still there, and they have a couple really stupid things new that I can't believe anyone cares about, or that it's keeping it open. But I walked the length of it, and back. Stopping to stare into the empty places I loved so much, with just the counters left. I remember going for years. Seasons changing over and over. I was going to college for the first years at night school, and then online. Using the mall as a place to go, even though I had no family or friends around. So much I can't explain, can't put into words, and don't know if I'm coming off as crazy...or if others here will understand. It was comfortingly the same for so long. Very few of the places I liked left for so many years, and my favorites not at all. It was tied to my hopes and dreams about the better future I was going to have. As I walked through, I made the further mistake of going into the few anchor stores left. I had a pattern of the floor I walked for each store in the mall, and I was able to do it for the few remaining. That, mixed with looking into the ones gone, I realized the dream is over. I thought of the last 20 years, and how it's all gone sour. I walked around and remembered the times I would drive to and visit my beloved grandmother in her retirement apartment....now dead. The only person to accept me for who I was, and supported me. Everything just felt gone, and it is. As I walked around, a nearly 50 year old man, I was having a panic attack. It was all I could do to stop from dropping to my knees and crying. Both for what was and is gone, and what will never be.
