Discussion Reassurance / How bad is SN really?

[bunnyhugs]

Okay, how bad is dying by SN, really? Are we ever going to get a more humane way to CTB?

I have everything ready to go. SN, proper AEs, benzos, etc. Had honestly a lovely life, filled with wonderful people, but a series of psychiatric hospitalizations and debilitating medications have taken the fight out of me. I've tried a lot of things to get better. I'm truly ready to go.

I've read most of the threads of people who've taken SN and been rescued, and the comprehensive thread of successful/unsuccessful attempts.

But still, I'm TERRIFIED of what it will feel like. Some of those threads have described such awful effects (gurgling, seizures, etc), that I wish I hadn't read them. Cause that fear is pretty much the only thing that stops me. I know there's nothing better right now, but do we ever think there will be?

I don't even know what I'm asking for here, but maybe for someone to give me comfort that if I do choose the SN method, it might not be a horrible, choking, gasping, death. Thanks yall.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

Hey
I am also completely terrified about this. But I also think there are some pro-life scaremongers out there with some propaganda. Plus people attempting without having done their homework. Or on impulse. I HAVE TO BELIEVE THIS or I will never CTB. I keep reminding myself that tachycardia & panic attacks feel the same & to be prepared for that. That a fast heart rate isn't the same as wanting to live. And that if I really want this, & I have to suffer, I will. It won't be for long, especially considering the pain that lays ahead of me healthwise anyway. I think N or whatever is the dream but most of us here either can't get or are too scared to break law etc. The only possibly helpful thing I can say, as someone who hasn't attempted, is that SN was being used as a humane way to kill feral pigs. It was so humane that it got people's heads thinking it'd be a great way to CTB. So, I'll leave you with a quote & I KNOW it's not going to replicate our experience, but it might be a comforting thought in the back of your mind, considering that SN is used in PPH & the first word is "peaceful" & this, about the pigs - "They take a mouth full or two of bait and say, 'Oh that's making me feel a bit woozy', walk away to sort of snooze it off, and while they're sleeping it off, they just go into a deeper and deeper slumber and die," Dr Staples said.
What if we get woozy, then snoozy, then float away????? What if??

 

[orbwithinorb]

I'm in the same boat as you. From what I've read, it will vary from person to person. Some people are lucky to go out in 15 minutes without much pain and suffering, others are awake for up to 45 minutes and go through all the fun stuff you mentioned like seizures and gurgling. I'm personally not willing to take the risk to find out how I'll react so I'm sticking around until I get my hands on N somehow.

 

[Roadrunner]

Personally I'm not worried about it, as I have benzo's. I know for a fact those things can knock me out. Even if they don't, when I take them I have no anxiety. Without them, yes I'd worry about the choking etc. but with them, even if I do choke etc, I won't know or certainly won't care. Imho

 

[bunnyhugs]

I'm in the same boat as you. From what I've read, it will vary from person to person. Some people are lucky to go out in 15 minutes without much pain and suffering, others are awake for up to 45 minutes and go through all the fun stuff you mentioned like seizures and gurgling. I'm personally not willing to take the risk to find out how I'll react so I'm sticking around until I get my hands on N somehow.

Yeah, the discrepancy between individual experiences is scary.

As for N goes, I'm just wondering if this will ever happen. It seems like it's been a year (maybe 2?) since there were verified success stories of obtaining N (or another trusted barbiturate) that didn't require some pretty intense hunting in a foreign country. I'd be willing to spend a lot of money, but trips to Peru seem to be turning up unsuccessful.

I'm relatively new to this community, and maybe there's a way to get barbiturates that people aren't willing to even allude to in a public forum. Maybe there are still sources for H or N waiting very deep underground.

But everything I've read seems to indicate barbiturates are a thing of the past. I'd love to be proven wrong.

 

[orbwithinorb]

Yeah, the discrepancy between individual experiences is scary.

As for N goes, I'm just wondering if this will ever happen. It seems like it's been a year (maybe 2?) since there were verified success stories of obtaining N (or another trusted barbiturate) that didn't require some pretty intense hunting in a foreign country. I'd be willing to spend a lot of money, but trips to Peru seem to be turning up unsuccessful.

I'm relatively new to this community, and maybe there's a way to get barbiturates that people aren't willing to even allude to in a public forum. Maybe there are still sources for H or N waiting very deep underground.

But everything I've read seems to indicate barbiturates are a thing of the past. I'd love to be proven wrong.

Unfortunately intense hunting in a foreign country at the moment is the only way of getting it. There is a member on this forum from Peru that has enough doses for 2 people. Maybe I'm being silly in trying to hold out hope but I am very sensitive to pain and have a lot of anxiety so I know SN would not be a good way to go out for me . Also my passport is expired which I need to get addressed ASAP for this purpose.

 

[CantDoIt]

There seems to be several members in this forum that have the stuff, but no one mentions any details and no one seems to be available or willing to send or mail it as before. I get it, but; imagine traveling and coming back empty? For some of us, traveling like that is exhausting if we already have anxiety or depression.

To answer ops question, it kind of depends I guess on the person how bad it is. Some people seemed to have trouble whole others even reported a peaceful experience.

 

[uk_buscatcher_522]

For what it's worth, SN seems much nicer than cyanide or SA. Would still far rather N...

 

[Mebius]

First hand experience (though only 7g), no pain, not much anxiety, feels like pouring bleach into your stomach.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

First hand experience (though only 7g), no pain, not much anxiety, feels like pouring bleach into your stomach.

the subjectivity here is so wild. someone like Mi Mi equated the 25g they drank as "like putting too much salt on your fries", and your experience was "like pouring bleach into your stomach".

I suppose, like the symptoms, the taste and feel of the SN will be different for everyone. Some people will experience tachycardia and think nothing of it, while another may feel immense dread from it. And the SN taste and feel can be anywhere from a bit salty but smooth going down, to tasting awful and like having really bad acid reflux. I really hope I'm the former and it's just very salty.

 

[Asleepatlast]

Hey
I am also completely terrified about this. But I also think there are some pro-life scaremongers out there with some propaganda. Plus people attempting without having done their homework. Or on impulse. I HAVE TO BELIEVE THIS or I will never CTB. I keep reminding myself that tachycardia & panic attacks feel the same & to be prepared for that. That a fast heart rate isn't the same as wanting to live. And that if I really want this, & I have to suffer, I will. It won't be for long, especially considering the pain that lays ahead of me healthwise anyway. I think N or whatever is the dream but most of us here either can't get or are too scared to break law etc. The only possibly helpful thing I can say, as someone who hasn't attempted, is that SN was being used as a humane way to kill feral pigs. It was so humane that it got people's heads thinking it'd be a great way to CTB. So, I'll leave you with a quote & I KNOW it's not going to replicate our experience, but it might be a comforting thought in the back of your mind, considering that SN is used in PPH & the first word is "peaceful" & this, about the pigs - "They take a mouth full or two of bait and say, 'Oh that's making me feel a bit woozy', walk away to sort of snooze it off, and while they're sleeping it off, they just go into a deeper and deeper slumber and die," Dr Staples said.
What if we get woozy, then snoozy, then float away????? What if??

I sure hope we just get a bit woozy and sleepy. Reading about it in here has really turned me off. Tachycardia and difficulty breathing are normal symptoms for me that cause me a lot of distress. I don't like the thought of having them and wonder how much worse it would be being sick then getting those symptoms from sn also?


I would truly like to know if it's peaceful. Like are people even conscious when they are having seizures and vomiting, gurgling ? It might be they are unconscious and it just looks and sounds horrible to witness but they aren't actually suffering at all and aren't aware of what's happening.

 

[Juggernaut1010]

Unfortunately, even if there are issues with it, I'm really not aware of anything else that is as effective, without significant risk. I know CO can work, but I've always been too afraid that I'd mess something up and become a vegetable. Here's to hoping it is a peaceful way to go.

 

[Wolf Girl]

There's just no way to know how it will feel for any individual and how much the effects will distress them. It's very reliable that you'll ctb if you take a big enough dose of a high enough purity SN, but the process can be different for different people because it's poisoning. You ultimately can't ctb unless you have a reduced fear of the potential pain of death.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

I sure hope we just get a bit woozy and sleepy. Reading about it in here has really turned me off. Tachycardia and difficulty breathing are normal symptoms for me that cause me a lot of distress. I don't like the thought of having them and wonder how much worse it would be being sick then getting those symptoms from sn also?


I would truly like to know if it's peaceful. Like are people even conscious when they are having seizures and vomiting, gurgling ? It might be they are unconscious and it just looks and sounds horrible to witness but they aren't actually suffering at all and aren't aware of what's happening.

I'm pinning hopes on not being aware
of anything bad after a certain point, that the benzos will do their job. I have experience with an episode of severe tachycardia & even while hooked up to heart monitors with proof that it was physical, my brain was still convinced it was an anxiety attack. Which seems to be the opposite of most people - convinced they're having a heart attack when it's "just" a panic attack. But I'm so used to living with anxiety that I couldn't differentiate. Heart thumping equals anxiety. I couldn't override that feeling / thought.
I can't take beta blockers & am scared that I'll equate the tachy with SI, but think I'll have to keep repeating it to myself that it's "just" tachy & have faith that no matter what negative talk is here about SN, we can really never know someone else's experience or truth, but the PPH wouldn't endorse it if it wasn't peaceful.

 

[Asleepatlast]

I'm pinning hopes on not being aware
of anything bad after a certain point, that the benzos will do their job. I have experience with an episode of severe tachycardia & even while hooked up to heart monitors with proof that it was physical, my brain was still convinced it was an anxiety attack. Which seems to be the opposite of most people - convinced they're having a heart attack when it's "just" a panic attack. But I'm so used to living with anxiety that I couldn't differentiate. Heart thumping equals anxiety. I couldn't override that feeling / thought.
I can't take beta blockers & am scared that I'll equate the tachy with SI, but think I'll have to keep repeating it to myself that it's "just" tachy & have faith that no matter what negative talk is here about SN, we can really never know someone else's experience or truth, but the PPH wouldn't endorse it if it wasn't peaceful.

I feel so silly stressing about it but it's a legitimate fear of mine. And since getting sick I don't tolerate meds well so I don't know how I'll handle all the AE's for prep. Like one AE I might be fine but days worth or even triple dose. I don't know. That's what's making me hesitant about this method.

If you don't mind sharing how come you can't take a beta blocker?

I don't even have access to benzos so not an option for me. I sure wish you peace in your journey. Sorry we've been brought to this.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

I feel so silly stressing about it but it's a legitimate fear of mine. And since getting sick I don't tolerate meds well so I don't know how I'll handle all the AE's for prep. Like one AE I might be fine but days worth or even triple dose. I don't know. That's what's making me hesitant about this method.

If you're hesitant about having to do a 48hr or 72hr regimen, it's worth noting that the stat dose is equally as effective according to the SN Bible (and the PPH advises the stat dose as well).

SN Bible Sodium Nitrite Method (Comprehensive Guide SN Method)

Sodium Nitrite (SN) Method Introduction This document is a compilation of different sn information, members inputs, important posts related to sn, recorded suicide cases related to sn, different research on sn and so on. This document also give a full understanding of SN, what it is, how it...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Some people will not want to wait 2 days or fear that two days of using an antiemetic will have a negative effect on them. Stat dose is equally successful as the two day regime. Dignitas only use a Stat Dose process. Remember to consider the appropriate fasting and try not to drink for 2 hours beforehand.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/pph-essentials-2022.107973/
(Page 114-115, and 116 with the full protocol)

 

[schrei_nach_liebe]

Saying this with an extensive knowledge and experience with hypoxia (all the different kinds) as an observed participant, observing participants, caring for patients, and simply first-hand experience. We're talking hypobaric chambers (hypoxic hypoxia), simulated hypobaric chambers (increased nitrogen, displacing oxygen, hypoxic hypoxia), getting drunk (histotoxic hypoxia), trauma patients (hypemic hypoxia), g-force (static/g-lock hypoxia), and I've had SN patients. I feel bad that I've done my job when I had SN patients. Emergency scenario and no one in the room knows what's going on, I see the veins, I see the skin, I see the vitals, and I'm like doc we need methylene blue stat, methemoglobinemia, don't ask me how I know. And then I'm like fuck why did I do that. It's just the training, see something say something.

I'm pretty confident that at worst SN is like getting too drunk and having Szechwan hot pot (the spicy spicy broth that numbs your tongue and isn't on the menu unless you order it in mandarin). It's not likely to last long, and you're not that conscious if you're even conscious at all before the worst feeling physiological side effects would hit. Just my best guess, and I'm drawing from a bunch of real world experience.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

I feel so silly stressing about it but it's a legitimate fear of mine. And since getting sick I don't tolerate meds well so I don't know how I'll handle all the AE's for prep. Like one AE I might be fine but days worth or even triple dose. I don't know. That's what's making me hesitant about this method.

If you don't mind sharing how come you can't take a beta blocker?

I don't even have access to benzos so not an option for me. I sure wish you peace in your journey. Sorry we've been brought to this.

It's definitely not silly. It's definitely legitimate. Tachy is terrifying to some people - I am one of those people. I'd imagine most people here haven't experienced it (just a guess) & that might contribute to the amount of people that call for help - confusing a physiological reaction with a rational thought. Again, just a guess. I have a million different illnesses with a million different meds with a million different side effects - at this point, it's just take the ones that keep you moving & disregard the ones that do more harm than good. As @Plato'sCaveDweller said, stat dose is quoted as being equally effective as 48 hour, so that may be a better fit for you & your circumstances. Getting a hold of the large amount of benzos recommended might be difficult but they hit really hard when people aren't used to them, & hit even harder when crushed - if there's a chance you could get a small prescription for an imaginary one-off highly stressful event or if you can get one or 2 here & there from people you know with legitimate access, that might be enough to ease the fear. I really don't have any advice on how to get benzos or overcome fear or anything really, I'm in the same boat (bus) but my boat (bus) has benzos in it.
I'm sorry we're all here / I'm glad here exists. Best of luck to you.

 

[ringo99]

I can deal with the tachycardia and nausea. I take BP medication and metoclopramide and antacids are easy to get here. My only concern is how long it'll take for me to die. I'm overweight at 90kg so I just hope I'm dead by the end of it. I'll be doing it in the middle of the night so there's little danger of being discovered for several hours

 

[skylight7]

Okay, how bad is dying by SN, really? Are we ever going to get a more humane way to CTB?

I have everything ready to go. SN, proper AEs, benzos, etc. Had honestly a lovely life, filled with wonderful people, but a series of psychiatric hospitalizations and debilitating medications have taken the fight out of me. I've tried a lot of things to get better. I'm truly ready to go.

I've read most of the threads of people who've taken SN and been rescued, and the comprehensive thread of successful/unsuccessful attempts.

But still, I'm TERRIFIED of what it will feel like. Some of those threads have described such awful effects (gurgling, seizures, etc), that I wish I hadn't read them. Cause that fear is pretty much the only thing that stops me. I know there's nothing better right now, but do we ever think there will be?

I don't even know what I'm asking for here, but maybe for someone to give me comfort that if I do choose the SN method, it might not be a horrible, choking, gasping, death. Thanks yall.

You're lucky to have it. At least you know it's there for you if you choose to CTB. I'm from the US and it's impossible to get here.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

You're lucky to have it. At least you know it's there for you if you choose to CTB. I'm from the US and it's impossible to get here.

it is possible to get in the US, considering I just recently got mine. you just need to know what sources will ship here.

 

[Roadrunner]

Saying this with an extensive knowledge and experience with hypoxia (all the different kinds) as an observed participant, observing participants, caring for patients, and simply first-hand experience. We're talking hypobaric chambers (hypoxic hypoxia), simulated hypobaric chambers (increased nitrogen, displacing oxygen, hypoxic hypoxia), getting drunk (histotoxic hypoxia), trauma patients (hypemic hypoxia), g-force (static/g-lock hypoxia), and I've had SN patients. I feel bad that I've done my job when I had SN patients. Emergency scenario and no one in the room knows what's going on, I see the veins, I see the skin, I see the vitals, and I'm like doc we need methylene blue stat, methemoglobinemia, don't ask me how I know. And then I'm like fuck why did I do that. It's just the training, see something say something.

I'm pretty confident that at worst SN is like getting too drunk and having Szechwan hot pot (the spicy spicy broth that numbs your tongue and isn't on the menu unless you order it in mandarin). It's not likely to last long, and you're not that conscious if you're even conscious at all before the worst feeling physiological side effects would hit. Just my best guess, and I'm drawing from a bunch of real world experience.

I really appreciate your very informative post. Definitely helps me worry less about what the experience will be like. Not that I was that concerned, but this helps reduce my anxiety about it, just that much more. Your comment about muscle memory requesting methylene blue stat was interesting.