Really want to carry on living

[greencoat111]

The past few days I have seen a bit of a shift in how I have been feeling. A big part of my wants to live and make changes to how I've been living, however there is still another huge part of me that is terrified of my future. For much of my life most of my friendships and relationships have been with people who are emotionally abusive. I'm in my 30s and sometimes feel like it's too late to turn my life around, even though realistically I know it's never too late. My grandmother who is 83 was still working upto a few years ago.

My mind seems to battle with both fear and also determination to keep going at the same time. It's really difficult. I've been trying to take things day by day, sometimes literally hour by hour

 

[Squiddy]

A big part of me also wants to keep living, but I don't know if there's hope for me or not

 

[greencoat111]

A big part of me also wants to keep living, but I don't know if there's hope for me or not

I know what you mean. It's such a tough battle each day

 

[Squiddy]

I know what you mean. It's such a tough battle each day

Yeah it is. My NP prescribed me lithium which I thought would help with my suicidal thoughts, but so far, only a little success

 

[greencoat111]

Yeah it is. My NP prescribed me lithium which I thought would help with my suicidal thoughts, but so far, only a little success

I've never tried lithium, I had been on efexor for a little while but the side effects were awful sadly

 

[Kirbster]

A big part of me also wants to keep living, but I don't know if there's hope for me or not

I feel similar sometimes, but for me I'd say there is no hope. You deserve to live a happy life tho, y'know— Even if you feel u have no future, as long as you are alive there's a chance something amazing can happen. I wish u the best

 

[Squiddy]

I've never tried lithium, I had been on efexor for a little while but the side effects were awful sadly

That sucks :( I'm just hoping this Lithium works

I feel similar sometimes, but for me I'd say there is no hope. You deserve to live a happy life tho, y'know— Even if you feel u have no future, as long as you are alive there's a chance something amazing can happen. I wish u the best

Thanks

 

[Kirbster]

I've never tried lithium, I had been on efexor for a little while but the side effects were awful sadly

What side effects did u have if you don't mind me asking?

 

[greencoat111]

What side effects did u have if you don't mind me asking?

I kept getting really awful brain zaps and my eye pupils were constantly huge

 

[Midnight]

I have no advice but i'm in my early 30's aswell and looking at the future with great hopelesness. It's no longer of concern.

Anyway i just wanted to wish you all the best. Take care internet stranger. Be well and good luck.

 

[greencoat111]

I have no advice but i'm in my early 30's aswell and looking at the future with great hopelesness. It's no longer of concern.

Anyway i just wanted to wish you all the best. Take care internet stranger. Be well and good luck.

Thanks for your kind words. Wishing you all the best too xx

 

[Nem]

I hear you, it's a tough choice as whether to go or tough it out for possibly a worse outcome. It sucks when the gamble is your life getting worse
Peace/hugs

 

[greencoat111]

I hear you, it's a tough choice as whether to go or tough it out for possibly a worse outcome. It sucks when the gamble is your life getting worse
Peace/hugs

Exactly it really is a hard decision to weigh up

 

[Squiddy]

I hear you, it's a tough choice as whether to go or tough it out for possibly a worse outcome. It sucks when the gamble is your life getting worse
Peace/hugs

Yeah it does suck

 

[Starcitty]

Me too, but I feel like a person like me will continue to be made aware that I'm different or not as cool as others. People are gonna continue to mess with me and I'll continue to take things personally. I also wanna start taking antidepressants to help because I can't anymore of this social pressure of being "not enough".

Not sure if I'll ever ctb but I'll always have my suicidal thoughts.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

not as cool as others

This feel in particular will go away when you get old.

 

[Sensei]

Yeah it is. My NP prescribed me lithium which I thought would help with my suicidal thoughts, but so far, only a little success

It takes time, from a few weeks up to a few months.

 

[enjoy]

sometimes i want to live. then, i think about why i want to die and i return to that state of mind. i remember that i have too many problems that have become too convoluted and crazy for me to escape. even if i fixed all the problems that can be fixed, my trauma would still remain.