really fucking stressed rn, venting about my living situation

[bijou]

my mil just moved her fiance in and it looks like a hoarding situation. this house was supposed to be my bf and i's now, we spoke to his mother about taking over the bills and mortgage, but this new moving situation was just sprung on us. they say it's temporary, but we're both skeptical. i guess the problem i'm struggling with the most right now is how fucking claustrophobic everything is making me. my bf and i worked so hard on making this a clean and comforting space...my only safe haven has been ripped from me. not to mention there are two cats in this house (originally MIL's cats SHE adopted that WE solely take care of) that have become incredibly stressed out due to the clutter.

i think the worst part of all this is the mess we know is going to become constant. we do all of the housework, i am violently suicidal and yet i have washed every dish over the course of the year i have been here. she doesn't lift a finger and is happier than ever with her engagement ring. i'm so upset, even though this event is small it's really backsliding me right now. i think anger is valid here though...a space where we were promised just being taken from us so so quickly. my bf is upset about it too and is entirely skeptical about the "temporary" nature of it.

gahhh we just want to live secluded with each other in PEACE.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Is she letting you guys just have the house and the equity in it?

 

[Someone123]

i'm so upset, even though this event is small it's really backsliding me right now

This really doesn't seem like a small thing but a huge probelm, it affects you all day every day in a really bad way. It's not clear who owns the house or what the overall situatino is, but you need to get away from them somehow, I hope you can find a way.

 

[jodes2]

That sounds like it really sucks

 

[bijou]

Is she letting you guys just have the house and the equity in it?

she essentially is...or was. she was going to transfer all bills into bfs name to rebuild his credit too, but we don't know what's happening anymore, we're in a place of limbo right now.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

she essentially is...or was. she was going to transfer all bills into bfs name to rebuild his credit too, but we don't know what's happening anymore, we're in a place of limbo right now.

That's pretty nice of her. A huge head start for you guys. I get how the limbo thing is stressful though.

 

[bijou]

This really doesn't seem like a small thing but a huge probelm, it affects you all day every day in a really bad way. It's not clear who owns the house or what the overall situatino is, but you need to get away from them somehow, I hope you can find a way.

we're hoping to get away too, we wanted the house for now since i'm going back to school for a year program in september. we were hoping to be in a space close to all of my job opportunities so i can get veterinary experience + it's close to his work as well. this house is unfortunately the place...the mortgage and bills combined is cheaper than the rent of a 1 bedroom apartment here, so it was a good thing for us to stay here for awhile at least. it absolutely sucks it's been taken so suddenly

That's pretty nice of her. A huge head start for you guys. I get how the limbo thing is stressful though.

that's why we were looking forward to being here ourselves...the place is in one of those condo complexes so it's not picturesque or anything, but taking everything over here is so much cheaper than renting anywhere else...plus we have like 7 reptiles too so if we were gonna rent we need a pet-friendly two bedroom, which rent is gonna be even more absurd for.

 

[color_me_gone]

It does not sound like your MIL has given you the house.

She still lives there, and is now moving her fiancée in as well.

She is just letting you live there in exchange for paying all the bills+mortgage AND doing all the housework.

The house does not officially become yours until the names are changed on the legal documents of ownership,
whatever that may be in your country.

The fiancée introduces a whole new set of problems, as he more than likely has a completely different view of the future.

Trying to maintain a household of four, where at least one person is a hoarder, and you are doing all the work sounds very challenging.

Financially, this is a good deal for you, BUT, the investments of your time, labor and peace of mind quickly turns it into a bad deal for you.

If it were me, I would only stay there until I could find a suitable replacement.

I have a suspicion the your situation in that house is only going to get worse, rather than better, as time goes on.

I wish you the best of luck in all the challenges you face.

J ❤

 

[whywere]

I have through the decades had folks who wanted to crash with me. I did it 1-time and never again. Took forever to convince him to move on. After that nope. It may make me sound like a jerk because I love helping folks out bit, I love my personal space and also, I am claustrophobic also.

With those aspects said, I sure do hope that the "house guests" get the hint and move on.

I feel so sorry for the both of you as having someone "couch surf" stinks.

Send both of you well wishes and thoughtful hugs.

Walter

 

[bijou]

It does not sound like your MIL has given you the house.

She still lives there, and is now moving her fiancée in as well.

She is just letting you live there in exchange for paying all the bills+mortgage AND doing all the housework.

The house does not officially become yours until the names are changed on the legal documents of ownership,
whatever that may be in your country.

The fiancée introduces a whole new set of problems, as he more than likely has a completely different view of the future.

Trying to maintain a household of four, where at least one person is a hoarder, and you are doing all the work sounds very challenging.

Financially, this is a good deal for you, BUT, the investments of your time, labor and peace of mind quickly turns it into a bad deal for you.

If it were me, I would only stay there until I could find a suitable replacement.

I have a suspicion the your situation in that house is only going to get worse, rather than better, as time goes on.

I wish you the best of luck in all the challenges you face.

J ❤

i guess i'm just complaining cause it was so close we could taste it…we're hoping to find other options though, i appreciate your input!

i think the crappiest part is they might try and force us out of our room (thats temp controlled with all the reptiles) into the basement with no heating or thermostat…all to make room for her fiance's daughter that comes every other week. i love his daughter, and get along with her best, but we have to stand our ground at some point!