chelpus
just wishing to be happy with her forever
- Feb 20, 2026
- 7
This is a continuation to my initial post. I'm happy to say that I have answered my own question, and I have found peace in my death. What comes with this is realizing the tragedy of the universe, and I may not have the ability to put an end to it, but at least I can put an end to my own personal tragedy.
sanctioned-suicide.net
What I've realized is that I had already answered my own question "Is it possible to find peace in my own death?" within that same post without realizing it.
"If I ever regain consciousness or life after dying, I would have my identity completely stripped away from me. I would not have memories of who and what I used to be in the previous cycle, and I would be given an entirely new identity within a world that would probably be vastly different from where we currently exist."
I had failed to realize that this was already the answer I was looking for. I'm killing myself to get rid of this identity, to get rid of everything that makes up who I am, and erase every bit of it from existence. When I cease to exist from this world, all of my problems would be solved. My personal tragedy of suffering from existing in this world would be over. Absolutely. Finally.
But I've looked too far, and saw another tragedy. I've firstly realized a flaw in my argument of "I had already been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born... but I was suddenly born into this world." There was no "I" before I was born, there was simply the absence of me. I had not been brought out from the state of nothingness. My birth was not a simple transition from nothingness to something, it was the result of specific sequences of events occurring within this universe. My grandparents from both sides had sex, and out of the millions of other sperm racing for the egg, my mom and dad happened to win that race. They then survived for years, met each other and reproduced. The same cycle repeated, and I had been created. I grew up in my mother's womb for 9 months, before I was introduced to the outside world. A sculptor can carve a statue from a block of marble. Before the statue existed, there was just that block of marble. I can't say that the "statue" was in a state of nothingness, waiting to be carved. The statue simply didn't exist until the sculptor created it. If I smash the statue to dust, the "statue" doesn't return to a state of waiting, it simply ceases to be. I am that statue, and my parents and the chain of biology and evolution were the sculptors. My consciousness and existence was the tragic result of an emergent process.
If my existence was a product of specific sequences of events that occurred in the universe, then my death, which is the erasure of everything that makes up who I am from this universe, would also be a part of that sequence of events. The show doesn't go down with me, I simply just become no longer a part of it. My turn to act in the show would simply be over. But I then wondered to myself, if this universe with this specific sequence of events somehow got to exist, then wouldn't it prove that another universe, with other new sequences of events, capable of creating consciousness and suffering, could exist?
If so, then we land to a paradox. The Ship of Theseus is a paradox that simply asks, if all the material that makes up a ship gets replaced over time, would it still be the same ship? You could argue no, because the material that previously made up the ship is no longer there, therefore the ship of Theseus is a new ship. But you could also argue that yes, it is still the same ship, because at no point did it cease and get replaced by a new ship. What remains is the continuous history of the ship, not its parts. And even if a different type of material is used, the ship is defined by its structure, not its matter.
The same paradox could go for the emergence of a new universe. In this case, if you as the reader or I loses our lives and ceases to exist from this universe, and another form of consciousness arises from a different kind of sequence of events in a different universe, would it still be considered the same life that we have? You could argue no, because the materials that make it up is not the same as ours (the experiences that we have in our lives, the events that occur, the emotions we have, our way of thinking, everything that makes up who we are, is not the same as the ones from another life). But you could also argue yes, it is the same life because of one thing that it inherited from us, which is consciousness itself, and the ability to be aware of its own.
To pick a side within this paradox, I've chosen no. In my previous post, I've used Sisyphus as an analogy to life repeating in another universe:
"Sisyphus is a figure from Greek mythology who is forced to push a huge boulder up a hill, but every time he reaches the top, the boulder falls back down, forcing him to start again, over and over. If consciousness does repeat, then I would become Sisyphus. The act of pushing the boulder up a hill would be equivalent to living, it falling back down would be the equivalent to dying, except when it has fallen back down with me and I start to push it back up, I would not have memory that I had already gotten to push it up before."
But I've realized a flaw with this analogy. Sisyphus has the name "Sisyphus" because it is part of his identity, and dying is the erasure of everything that makes up the identity of one's own self. I've realized that Sisyphus can be freed, and death is not represented by the boulder falling back down, but rather Sisyphus himself being crushed by the own boulder that he pushed up the hill. When he is crushed, he becomes unrecognizable. He can no longer go down to push the boulder once more, he gets freed. If a life or consciousness ever emerges in a different universe once again, then the boulder is pushed not by Sisyphus, but another man with a different identity.
The tragedy of the universe is the existence of itself. The sequences of events that occur within it that is capable of creating life and consciousness, is the tragedy of the universe. It is a tragedy that none of us have any control of, but our own lives is a smaller tragedy within it that we do have control of. I have the ability to end my own personal tragedy, and that's the end of it. I no longer have to worry of "me" suffering once more, because even if a new life in a new universe emerges, my own personal tragedy would not be continued by it. And with that, killing myself would bring me the rest that I am looking for. Death is eternal, and I do not have to worry of rebirth. I've looked too far in my previous post.
Is it possible to find peace in my death? (may be a bit long)
I used to see death as the final, ultimate liberation from suffering. I don't believe in the kind of afterlife or other concepts that religions suggest, as I believe religions, afterlives, spirits, and etc are concepts that we have made up as a way for us to not descend into insanity when faced...
sanctioned-suicide.net
What I've realized is that I had already answered my own question "Is it possible to find peace in my own death?" within that same post without realizing it.
"If I ever regain consciousness or life after dying, I would have my identity completely stripped away from me. I would not have memories of who and what I used to be in the previous cycle, and I would be given an entirely new identity within a world that would probably be vastly different from where we currently exist."
I had failed to realize that this was already the answer I was looking for. I'm killing myself to get rid of this identity, to get rid of everything that makes up who I am, and erase every bit of it from existence. When I cease to exist from this world, all of my problems would be solved. My personal tragedy of suffering from existing in this world would be over. Absolutely. Finally.
But I've looked too far, and saw another tragedy. I've firstly realized a flaw in my argument of "I had already been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born... but I was suddenly born into this world." There was no "I" before I was born, there was simply the absence of me. I had not been brought out from the state of nothingness. My birth was not a simple transition from nothingness to something, it was the result of specific sequences of events occurring within this universe. My grandparents from both sides had sex, and out of the millions of other sperm racing for the egg, my mom and dad happened to win that race. They then survived for years, met each other and reproduced. The same cycle repeated, and I had been created. I grew up in my mother's womb for 9 months, before I was introduced to the outside world. A sculptor can carve a statue from a block of marble. Before the statue existed, there was just that block of marble. I can't say that the "statue" was in a state of nothingness, waiting to be carved. The statue simply didn't exist until the sculptor created it. If I smash the statue to dust, the "statue" doesn't return to a state of waiting, it simply ceases to be. I am that statue, and my parents and the chain of biology and evolution were the sculptors. My consciousness and existence was the tragic result of an emergent process.
If my existence was a product of specific sequences of events that occurred in the universe, then my death, which is the erasure of everything that makes up who I am from this universe, would also be a part of that sequence of events. The show doesn't go down with me, I simply just become no longer a part of it. My turn to act in the show would simply be over. But I then wondered to myself, if this universe with this specific sequence of events somehow got to exist, then wouldn't it prove that another universe, with other new sequences of events, capable of creating consciousness and suffering, could exist?
If so, then we land to a paradox. The Ship of Theseus is a paradox that simply asks, if all the material that makes up a ship gets replaced over time, would it still be the same ship? You could argue no, because the material that previously made up the ship is no longer there, therefore the ship of Theseus is a new ship. But you could also argue that yes, it is still the same ship, because at no point did it cease and get replaced by a new ship. What remains is the continuous history of the ship, not its parts. And even if a different type of material is used, the ship is defined by its structure, not its matter.
The same paradox could go for the emergence of a new universe. In this case, if you as the reader or I loses our lives and ceases to exist from this universe, and another form of consciousness arises from a different kind of sequence of events in a different universe, would it still be considered the same life that we have? You could argue no, because the materials that make it up is not the same as ours (the experiences that we have in our lives, the events that occur, the emotions we have, our way of thinking, everything that makes up who we are, is not the same as the ones from another life). But you could also argue yes, it is the same life because of one thing that it inherited from us, which is consciousness itself, and the ability to be aware of its own.
To pick a side within this paradox, I've chosen no. In my previous post, I've used Sisyphus as an analogy to life repeating in another universe:
"Sisyphus is a figure from Greek mythology who is forced to push a huge boulder up a hill, but every time he reaches the top, the boulder falls back down, forcing him to start again, over and over. If consciousness does repeat, then I would become Sisyphus. The act of pushing the boulder up a hill would be equivalent to living, it falling back down would be the equivalent to dying, except when it has fallen back down with me and I start to push it back up, I would not have memory that I had already gotten to push it up before."
But I've realized a flaw with this analogy. Sisyphus has the name "Sisyphus" because it is part of his identity, and dying is the erasure of everything that makes up the identity of one's own self. I've realized that Sisyphus can be freed, and death is not represented by the boulder falling back down, but rather Sisyphus himself being crushed by the own boulder that he pushed up the hill. When he is crushed, he becomes unrecognizable. He can no longer go down to push the boulder once more, he gets freed. If a life or consciousness ever emerges in a different universe once again, then the boulder is pushed not by Sisyphus, but another man with a different identity.
The tragedy of the universe is the existence of itself. The sequences of events that occur within it that is capable of creating life and consciousness, is the tragedy of the universe. It is a tragedy that none of us have any control of, but our own lives is a smaller tragedy within it that we do have control of. I have the ability to end my own personal tragedy, and that's the end of it. I no longer have to worry of "me" suffering once more, because even if a new life in a new universe emerges, my own personal tragedy would not be continued by it. And with that, killing myself would bring me the rest that I am looking for. Death is eternal, and I do not have to worry of rebirth. I've looked too far in my previous post.
