Realizing I'm crazy in my adult years

[thinkkank]

i realized I was mentally ill later on in life. if I was diagnosed sooner things would have been much easier. i would have received proper medication and treatment and avoided so many problems. when i was young i knew i was weird and shy, but i thought i would grow out of it. it was in my 20s when i did research into some of my problems, and i found out that i exhibit symptoms that line up with a mental illness. i realized that the things i did when i was younger were a result of this illness and not some phase that i would grow out off. on the one hand this is helpful because now i know what the problem is and knowing is half the battle. on the other hand i now know that i won't grow out of it. there is no real cure. there are things i can do to mitigate the symptoms, but this problem will be with me for the rest of my life (however short that is). it has affected and will affect many things in my life, and i know that i will not have a good life because of it. i know all the ways that it will limit me and this is the greatest cause of frustration. if i was ignorant i would still believe that i would grow out of it

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Same. Got my autism diagnosis very late and am pretty sure I should have been looked at for some attachment disorder as a child.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Same. Got my autism diagnosis very late and am pretty sure I should have been looked at for some attachment disorder as a child.

I dont exude some of the typical autistic traits but I self diagnosed at 34 and it made most sense as why I always had challenges especially socially and at work place. Mostly I get overwhelmed quickly especially with work related interactions. Anyway, I wouldnt say there is much to be done about it but if I had known that I possibly had something, I wouldnt blame myself and let everyone including my family members thinking so low of me. But late than never I guess. I dont know if some autistics could relate but I always feel difficulty speaking or writing with good flow. Words switch places with one another also with sentences. Words get repeated unnecessarily or ommitted all together. It is like ok in my head but when it comes out all a big mess

 

[Arrow]

There's probably something wrong with me too I just haven't quite figured it out yet

 

[Snake of Eden]

There's probably something wrong with me too I just haven't quite figured it out yet

Let me tell you. If your hunch is strong and long about this then it may as well be right. Self diagnosis for autism for example is acceptable practice and considered valid. Not in official manner of course but to identify

 

[Arrow]

Let me tell you. If your hunch is strong and long about this then it may as well be right. Self diagnosis for autism for example is acceptable practice and considered valid. Not in official manner of course but to identify

If anything it's probably just muh depresion or whatever. I feel like if I had been happy in my teen years I would be in a pretty different place in life. In my early 20s but still, when you're happy life is just a different thing. I missed out on quite a bit of that growing up.

 

[Crazy4u]

I am lost for words. I don't know what to say.

I believe I suffer from cptsd, depression, and stress disorder. I have never been officially diagnosed. Would it make a difference if I knew earlier? probably not

I came from a poor abusive family. Mental health is not covered by insurance. I also don't like to take medication and chemicals. On top of all that, I can't talk and open up due to cptsd. cptsd is new not many therapists understand it.

I am glad that I stopped trying to improve my life and just accepted my ctb destiny. I consider hope to be my weakness.

 

[thinkkank]

i'm getting better at noticing when my mind plays tricks on me. it'll never stop playing tricks and I have to live with this, but I can remind myself that some things aren't real. it was always playing tricks on me, I just never knew it until I was older.

 

[OrcWitch]

on the one hand this is helpful because now i know what the problem is and knowing is half the battle. on the other hand i now know that i won't grow out of it. there is no real cure. there are things i can do to mitigate the symptoms, but this problem will be with me for the rest of my life (however short that is). it has affected and will affect many things in my life, and i know that i will not have a good life because of it. i know all the ways that it will limit me and this is the greatest cause of frustration. if i was ignorant i would still believe that i would grow out of it

It feels like such a double edged sword. Knowing you can only mitigate and manage your issue instead of getting rid of it. On one hand you are now self aware and can make moves to make life more livable, on the other hand you know you're permanently messed up and can't change. It was hard to hear a psychologist tell me this.

 

[Anxieyote]

Our parents spent too much time wishing we were normal instead of getting us the help we needed. It's difficult not to resent them for not doing more.

 

[thinkkank]

It feels like such a double edged sword. Knowing you can only mitigate and manage your issue instead of getting rid of it. On one hand you are now self aware and can make moves to make life more livable, on the other hand you know you're permanently messed up and can't change. It was hard to hear a psychologist tell me this.

if only i could make it livable. i'm choosing to check out early. no sense in sticking around long. if i do it will be a very hard life.

 

[thinkkank]

every day I have to stop and remind myself "i am mentally ill. these thoughts I have aren't real. my mind is playing tricks on me". it's the closet thing to treatment I can do. as you can imagine this is a bit of an inconvenience because I have to close my eyes and repeat this to myself for minutes. it becomes difficult to focus on things, especially complicated things, which means I can't learn or perform complicated tasks. if i can't learn complicated tasks i can't learn skills. if can't learn skills i can't get a good job. if i can't get a good job i will remain poor. being poor and in an unpleasant environment leads to anxiety and depression, which then leads to escapism and outright delusion. this forces me to remind myself that these thoughts aren't real, which means having to stop what i'm doing and force my mind to remember that the thoughts aren't real. this process of wrangling my mind prevents me from focusing and learning complicated things. it ends up being like a loop, the environment exacerbates the illness and the illness prevents me from being able to do anything that would lead to me leaving the environment. i can't break the loop