On Replay
What a day What a day
- Sep 23, 2022
- 279
Watching one of my favorite YT channels.
Had an awkward moment with a family member this morning so it was needed.
Laughing so much, I needed it ! But then just now the smile immediately dropped from my face. Realizing I had no more to drink and wondering if i was only happy because the little I had left was in my system ?
I hate that I'm like this. I really do, wish I could find the happiness within myself like most people say it should be I guess ? Idk
But why is it that the crutch always feels better, always makes me happier. I'm not a "sloppy" drunk whatever that means , more of a suppressing the tears (but cries heavily when it's just me and Im not distracted enough or something is just weighing too heavily) numbing the pain kind of one. Should I call myself that if it's only heavily when things are really really bad ? Idk
This is making me feel like yes, I'm awful. Can't be naturally myself without it
Afterthought , is this off topic ? Sorry, I tend to think as I type when I'm like this. I mean I still would love to disappear, die , never have been on this miserable ass planet but yenno
"Present!" (Like we use to say in school)
Yeah move it I guess . I always re read and re read everything I say , always sounds stupid. Never right
Had an awkward moment with a family member this morning so it was needed.
Laughing so much, I needed it ! But then just now the smile immediately dropped from my face. Realizing I had no more to drink and wondering if i was only happy because the little I had left was in my system ?
I hate that I'm like this. I really do, wish I could find the happiness within myself like most people say it should be I guess ? Idk
But why is it that the crutch always feels better, always makes me happier. I'm not a "sloppy" drunk whatever that means , more of a suppressing the tears (but cries heavily when it's just me and Im not distracted enough or something is just weighing too heavily) numbing the pain kind of one. Should I call myself that if it's only heavily when things are really really bad ? Idk
This is making me feel like yes, I'm awful. Can't be naturally myself without it
Afterthought , is this off topic ? Sorry, I tend to think as I type when I'm like this. I mean I still would love to disappear, die , never have been on this miserable ass planet but yenno
"Present!" (Like we use to say in school)
Yeah move it I guess . I always re read and re read everything I say , always sounds stupid. Never right