Hi everyone.
I'm pretty new here but posted a few days ago about a failed CTB attempt recently.
I'm looking for a space to vent and perhaps some advice really as I'm so confused at the moment.
As a brief overview I took an overdose of propanalol with a zopiclone and co-cocadmol chaser in my attempt - it almost worked, but my ex found me and called an ambulance. At the hospital I was put into crisis care, but not committed as they said I was functional and it wasn't needed, but wanted me to have help (I'm UK based btw). This crisis care has not happened even though I've been chasing. It also meant that my ex has now moved back in with me as he's scared I'll try again and doesn't want to lose me, although he is still continuing the affair he was having which culminated in the end of our relationship. This man is my soulmate, no question, but this isn't something I think I can forgive, but, having him near has been helping with the darkness of my depression.
Tonight however, after failing in being able to chase up crisis care again, and having a really dark episode which I didn't tell him about as frankly I don't fully trust him, he returned home from work and essentially said 'how long do I need to be here for?' It has absolutely broken me. I have wanted to try to CBT again since failing previously and this has just cemented it, and the sooner the better.
Luckily I've managed to get my hands on some prescribed medication and currently have 70 x propranolol 40mg, 30 x fluoxetine 20mg, 10 zopiclone 7.5mg and 36 co-codamol tablets. I'm wondering whether this would be enough to get the job done correctly this time, or whether to try and stick it out for another month until I can get another prescription for the same amount t of tablets again (minus the co-codamol as I can get that OTC).
I just want out. I've been through so much in my life that breathing is absolutely unbearable, but I absolutely do not want to fail again.
If you've gotten to the end of this, thank you for reading, I know I've rambled on for a while, and any thoughts, advice, words of encouragement or indeed discouragement, would be so incredibly welcome.
I'm pretty new here but posted a few days ago about a failed CTB attempt recently.
I'm looking for a space to vent and perhaps some advice really as I'm so confused at the moment.
As a brief overview I took an overdose of propanalol with a zopiclone and co-cocadmol chaser in my attempt - it almost worked, but my ex found me and called an ambulance. At the hospital I was put into crisis care, but not committed as they said I was functional and it wasn't needed, but wanted me to have help (I'm UK based btw). This crisis care has not happened even though I've been chasing. It also meant that my ex has now moved back in with me as he's scared I'll try again and doesn't want to lose me, although he is still continuing the affair he was having which culminated in the end of our relationship. This man is my soulmate, no question, but this isn't something I think I can forgive, but, having him near has been helping with the darkness of my depression.
Tonight however, after failing in being able to chase up crisis care again, and having a really dark episode which I didn't tell him about as frankly I don't fully trust him, he returned home from work and essentially said 'how long do I need to be here for?' It has absolutely broken me. I have wanted to try to CBT again since failing previously and this has just cemented it, and the sooner the better.
Luckily I've managed to get my hands on some prescribed medication and currently have 70 x propranolol 40mg, 30 x fluoxetine 20mg, 10 zopiclone 7.5mg and 36 co-codamol tablets. I'm wondering whether this would be enough to get the job done correctly this time, or whether to try and stick it out for another month until I can get another prescription for the same amount t of tablets again (minus the co-codamol as I can get that OTC).
I just want out. I've been through so much in my life that breathing is absolutely unbearable, but I absolutely do not want to fail again.
If you've gotten to the end of this, thank you for reading, I know I've rambled on for a while, and any thoughts, advice, words of encouragement or indeed discouragement, would be so incredibly welcome.
