Ready to ctb... But

[filthystray]

So I have been suicidal for over a decade now and I am pretty much done with this place. I like nothing about life and all I seem to live for is suffering another day. I have taken all routes to make it better all ready too, I am currently in therapy and am on medication. Like the title suggests though there is a but, and that is for some reason I just can't bring myself to do it. Basically I wanna figure out what that part of me is so I can stomp it out. Does anybody have tips or wanna talk it out with me an figure it out. Then also proceed to think of a way to silence it?

 

[SVEN]

Survival instinct is a hard one to overcome. One way I'd suggest to gradually quiet it down would be to choose your method, obtain the supplies you need, then walk yourself through the entire procedure a good few times. Right up to the point where you ctb. This way when (if) you resolve to journey on nothing will seem strange or alarming to you, for you will have been this way so often before.
And, of course, you are committed to nothing until you make a final decision, you are always in control and can stop anytime you wish.
Sending good thoughts, whatever your chosen course of action.

 

[filthystray]

Survival instinct is a hard one to overcome. One way I'd suggest to gradually quiet it down would be to choose your method, obtain the supplies you need, then walk yourself through the entire procedure a good few times. Right up to the point where you ctb. This way when (if) you resolve to journey on nothing will seem strange or alarming to you, for you will have been this way so often before.
And, of course, you are committed to nothing until you make a final decision, you are always in control and can stop anytime you wish.
Sending good thoughts, whatever your chosen course of action.

Thank you, this actually sounds like helpful advice to me

 

[FuneralCry]

In my opinion I just don't believe that people can force themselves to ctb, I believe that many who succeeded had access to a method that they felt confident in and they just got so determined to leave, I envy those people as suicide is just too unnecessarily difficult, I wish it's much more straightforward to finally leave. But anyway I hope that you eventually find what you are searching for.

 

[filthystray]

In my opinion I just don't believe that people can force themselves to ctb, I believe that many who succeeded had access to a method that they felt confident in and they just got so determined to leave, I envy those people as suicide is just too unnecessarily difficult, I wish it's much more straightforward to finally leave. But anyway I hope that you eventually find what you are searching for.

I agree with the comment the other person made. I think it's a survival instinct and in that case yes it's hard to silence such a primal instinct like that one. I respectfully disagree though I don't think it's impossible to stop it.

Thank you though, I hope I reach what I want too