Reacting to breaches of trust

[symphony]

Trust is built slowly and broken quickly. I don't want to go into detail about what's happened, but let's just say with this individual, not much trust was ever built up in the first place, and recently they took that little bit of trust and smashed it against the floor. I'm not sure our trust is reparable, or if I even want to pursue that relationship anymore if it is.

I've been looking online for ideas and answers, and all I've found is countless pages talking about how to repair trust once it's broken. Sure, I could pursue that route, but honestly I don't think this individual deserves anything from me anymore and I'm not sure that would be worth my time.

So I guess I'm asking, how would you guys (or have you in the past) react to a major breach of trust, both emotionally and behaviorally in terms of your relationship with the others involved?


Edit: I guess I'm willing to add as a relevant consideration that this individual is a close family member I'm currently largely dependent on.

 

[waitingforrest]

If it was a person that I am not dependent on, then I would tell them to go and f**k themselves. As vengeful as it is, they aren't entitled to my forgiveness unless they have truly earned it.

But for someone I am dependent on, I just stop telling them important things or secrets. I start to treat them as a acquaintance, someone I am okay with being around for a while, but not someone I would ever expect to be reliable.

But that's what I do in my circumstances, everyone has different reactions to betrayal. It would be unfair to say one is more correct than the others.

 

[symphony]

If it was a person that I am not dependent on, then I would tell them to go and f**k themselves. As vengeful as it is, they aren't entitled to my forgiveness unless they have truly earned it.

But for someone I am dependent on, I just stop telling them important things or secrets. I start to treat them as a acquaintance, someone I am okay with being around for a while, but not someone I would ever expect to be reliable.

But that's what I do in my circumstances, everyone has different reactions to betrayal. It would be unfair to say one is more correct than the others.

Yeah, thanks for your two cents. I absolutely agree no one is entitled to trust or forgiveness as a default, but it seems no one is willing to say as much...

 

[Pluto]

If we are talking about an 'empathy-deprived' type of person, the relationship needs to be abandoned any way you can. They will never change.

If I could go back in time, I would never waste time thinking my father or my sister would one day change, or would tire of cruel mind games. I eventually got them out of my life but their legacy remains. Of course it takes time to escape, but the bad habit of treating them as important figures can cease.

 

[symphony]

If we are talking about an 'empathy-deprived' type of person, the relationship needs to be abandoned any way you can. They will never change.

If I could go back in time, I would never waste time thinking my father or my sister would one day change, or would tire of cruel mind games. I eventually got them out of my life but their legacy remains. Of course it takes time to escape, but the bad habit of treating them as important figures can cease.

God, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, I'm glad they have less influence over you now.

Unfortunately for me it's not so black-and-white. Most everyone agrees this individual seems like a great person, and even now I believe they do care about me. They show that care not just in their words, but in their emotional responses to seeing my suffering and their behavior in helping me get treatment. I always thought the worst of it was that they tend to be kinda pushy with their beliefs and invalidating of others, but what I discovered this weekend was much, much worse...

There really is no easy answer. But thank you for your reply.

 

[houseofleaves]

Most everyone agrees this individual seems like a great person, and even now I believe they do care about me. They show that care not just in their words, but in their emotional responses to seeing my suffering and their behavior in helping me get treatment. I always thought the worst of it was that they tend to be kinda pushy with their beliefs and invalidating of others, but what I discovered this weekend was much, much worse...

I think i have almost the same situation — and, for me, it makes me kinda happy that i won't break their hearts when i CTB. One suffering person less! Who would've thought…