Venting ranting about psych wards and involuntary commitment

[vultureilse]

it legit pisses me off so much that you can get hospitalized against your will for being suicidal. pretty recently i started thinking about going to therapy because theres certain mental illnesses that ive been suspecting i might have and a diagnosis would be helpful because i want to know whats wrong with me. problem is that i know opening up about being suicidal, self harm, an eating disorder and certain self destructive behaviors will immediately get me thrown into a psych ward. and therapy wont do shit if youre not honest so too bad im gonna have to keep dealing with this on my own ig

i hate that i cant be open with anyone without immediately getting locked in a whats basically a prison that completely takes away my freedom and privacy and treats me in the most dehumanizing way possible because being mentally ill makes me a literal subhuman i guess!!! all that without my consent. i was in a ward twice because of my psychiatrist, both times i was a minor so i had no say in it. it gave me so much more trauma to deal with and destroyed all my trust i had in mental health professionals (though its not like i had a lot of it in the first place)

my first stay lasted little over a month. there was no time where i could be alone which made me feel unsafe and was incredibly mentally draining, i heavily value privacy becasue of having basically none while growing up so the lack of it felt so violating. one of the people there had anger issues thst they decided to take out on me, both physically and verbally but nobody did anything about it even when they could see it happening. generally the nurses didnt give a single fuck and treated everyone like shit you could report stuff all you wanted and nothing would be done about it

the entire time i spent there i was disassociated to the point where i was basically a walking zombie because of the stress and i was put on antidepressants that gave me terrible side effects which made everything even worse

i still get occasional anxiety attacks when randomly remembering this shit and i will genuinely never forgive my psychiatrist for putting me through it and then DOING IT AGAIN when they fucking knew how damaging my previous time was my mental issues got so much worse because of it

tldr fuck mental health professionals all they do is make me want to kill myself even more <3

 

[Un-]

It's one reason why I don't want to go to therapy, or try at recovery at all. You have to be honest. But if I was honest, I'd be put here. And even just being forcefully put in a place you don't want to can be damaging.

Maybe it's not all bad. But the people that it claims to help, I feel, aren't that damaged to begin with. Someone like myself is far too.. Gone for.. This type of stuff, I think. Sigh.

 

[Forever Sleep]

This is what I just don't get- you've summed it up perfectly. Presumably- to get the best treatment, it's better to be completely honest with your therapist. (You wouldn't go to a doctor, only tell them half your symptoms and then hope they'd make the right diagnosis.) Yet- if you do that- you might well end up somewhere that makes everything much worse. It's no wonder people don't reach out for help!

I remember a post by @TAW122 about the 'culture of blame' in our society. If therapists and doctors weren't so afraid of being sued if someone expressed suicidal thoughts and weren't prevented from carrying them out- maybe they wouldn't be so quick to basically imprison their patients. There have to be better ways for some people.

Plus, I expect loads of people live with these thoughts for years- sometimes decades. What makes them think that EVERYONE is a danger to themselves the moment they start talking about them? I would have thought repressing all that stuff is worse. And I expect we've all been doing that for years.

I REALLY hope you can find some help out there. I just don't know HOW much you can let on without being locked up. Still- you deserve support of some kind. I hope you find it and wish you all the best.

 

[purplehearted]

i feel you, psych ward stays genuinely just make me more suicidal lol. idk how they help people honestly. i'm sorry you had to go thru that it fucking sucks

 

[TAW122]

This is what I just don't get- you've summed it up perfectly. Presumably- to get the best treatment, it's better to be completely honest with your therapist. (You wouldn't go to a doctor, only tell them half your symptoms and then hope they'd make the right diagnosis.) Yet- if you do that- you might well end up somewhere that makes everything much worse. It's no wonder people don't reach out for help!

I remember a post by @TAW122 about the 'culture of blame' in our society. If therapists and doctors weren't so afraid of being sued if someone expressed suicidal thoughts and weren't prevented from carrying them out- maybe they wouldn't be so quick to basically imprison their patients. There have to be better ways for some people.

Plus, I expect loads of people live with these thoughts for years- sometimes decades. What makes them think that EVERYONE is a danger to themselves the moment they start talking about them? I would have thought repressing all that stuff is worse. And I expect we've all been doing that for years.

I REALLY hope you can find some help out there. I just don't know HOW much you can let on without being locked up. Still- you deserve support of some kind. I hope you find it and wish you all the best.

I think this is the thread, "What if mandated reporting was made optional or abolished?" you are referring to.

 

[BurningMan]

I was put into a psyche ward for about 3 days involuntary. It was a weird experience. I can't say that it helped at all. I remember one of the psychiatrists or psychologists there told me nobody would ever pay attention to a drug addict like me after I had attempted and mentioned that I had dabbled with substances. It was honestly awful to hear and that put of despair I felt in that moment in a place that was supposed to be helping me… Awful. I don't think I'll be ever honest about my experiences again after how everything went down in that building.

 

[FuneralCry]

Psych wards really do sound like horrific prisons to me, people who want to die and are suffering don't deserve to be punished for feeling the way that they do. I think going in there would certainly just make things worse and your experience sounds so awful. It's like the people who work there want to torture others as much as possible.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Is there a local outpatient program you could try? I've been inpatient and outpatient and I feel like the OP treatment programs are much better. They also include eating disorders on some units, so that may not be a deal breaker.

On a day program, you get to sleep in your own bed at night, feed your pets if you have them, and there is a lot less stigma since you can still be seen and/or social on nights and weekends.

Both times I was outpatient it was because I asked. Once I was having suicidal ideations but was allowed to go home at night after signing a safety contract, the other time my therapist and I knew that my depressive episode was becoming problematic with some PTSD flashbacks and such.

The days often go like this: first a morning meeting where you'll discuss your goals for the day. When you start it might be just to listen attentively or to speak up once that day. As you attend more, you may want to be more specific. Then you'll have groups, just like inpatient, including everything from DBT to coloring. The day will close with another meeting and you'll look at your daily goals, make a goal for the evening (making yourself dinner is a good one) and, if needed, sign your safety contract.

I would do some research and see if such a program exists in your area. Then you can always have it in your back pocket if your therapist feels that you need more than just therapy.

It really removed most of the hovering and checks that made me so uncomfortable when I was an inpatient. Also, no creepy roommates.

I would think about this as an option if you want help but not to be locked away. I really feel like it's a good solution much of the time.

 

[vultureilse]

Is there a local outpatient program you could try? I've been inpatient and outpatient and I feel like the OP treatment programs are much better. They also include eating disorders on some units, so that may not be a deal breaker.

On a day program, you get to sleep in your own bed at night, feed your pets if you have them, and there is a lot less stigma since you can still be seen and/or social on nights and weekends.

Both times I was outpatient it was because I asked. Once I was having suicidal ideations but was allowed to go home at night after signing a safety contract, the other time my therapist and I knew that my depressive episode was becoming problematic with some PTSD flashbacks and such.

The days often go like this: first a morning meeting where you'll discuss your goals for the day. When you start it might be just to listen attentively or to speak up once that day. As you attend more, you may want to be more specific. Then you'll have groups, just like inpatient, including everything from DBT to coloring. The day will close with another meeting and you'll look at your daily goals, make a goal for the evening (making yourself dinner is a good one) and, if needed, sign your safety contract.

I would do some research and see if such a program exists in your area. Then you can always have it in your back pocket if your therapist feels that you need more than just therapy.

It really removed most of the hovering and checks that made me so uncomfortable when I was an inpatient. Also, no creepy roommates.

I would think about this as an option if you want help but not to be locked away. I really feel like it's a good solution much of the time.

outpatient definitely seems like a better experience than inpatient tbh i kinda forgot this is an option

if i end up deciding to go to therapy ill look into it thanks

 

[Wannagonow]

For many years now I always make sure I stop short of telling psychiatrists/therapists the complete truth about my thoughts and plans. Most of us know the line is there and we dare not cross it. I've had quite a few stays at inpatient psych hospitals over 30+ years. They always scare me. Sometimes the other people make me nervous, but mostly I hate the fact the doors are alarmed and I'm stuck there. I don't find the strip search any fun either. The 15 minute checks suck too. The staff have never been mean to me, but I've always found them cold and lacking in empathy. Due to my fear I've always been able to lie my way out. Always. I can be very convincing when I'm afraid. Alot of my involuntary stays have been at the same place. When discharged I always went to an outpatient program. Like someone who posted earlier said, outpatient is a much better experience. They provided transportation for me (45 miles one way) and yes- you get to sleep in your own bed. OP, I understand your anger and frustration. We are punished for our honesty and in return we don't get the support we are seeking. I hope you find a way to get at least some support. It's tricky. Good luck.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Those places couldn't care less about making their patients actually feel better about themselves or their lives. In fact they generally accomplish the exact opposite. I know the trauma I suffered there has only fueled my lifelong suicidal feelings, not quell them. So much in fact that I would like to CTB on the anniversary of the day I went there.

 

[Gaga786]

I was sent to a psych ward because I was self-harming (cutting). I was subjected to such distressing trauma that I immediately attempted suicide after leaving that location. Knowing what they had done to me left me in pain and I simply couldn't go on. Happyly, my psychiatrist shouted, "I do this to everyone as a lesson so they never hurt themselves again." Instead of being carried off to a mental health facility full of mature men, I needed someone to talk to or a hug from someone who could guide me due to the amount of bullying I was being faced with in school. The funny thing is that those bullies never faced repercussions, yet I did. That psychiatrist is winning all sorts of awards now for her supposed "outstanding work", it's a huge slap to my face knowing what she did. I was just a minor at that time

I totally understand your pain and the anger that you harbour. It is justified!