moonrose
•┈┈┈••✦ ♡ ✦••┈┈┈•
- Nov 11, 2023
- 1
The world is a strange place, so many innocent people getting harmed. Unbearable things happen to babies, mothers, normal people like you and me. I don't believe there is a God or a hell or an afterlife I believe that we just exist and we are alone in this universe without a higher power. It doesn't scare me, at least not anymore what scares me more is humans. I don't trust them I can't even trust my own mother, and don't even know my father or his side of the family. My mother has made my life hell and has been the reason since I was age 10, fantasizing about death. Wanting to stab my stomach in the kitchen crying and convincing myself to do it obviously I didn't I was just a dramatic kid I guess (☞͡͡°͜ʖ͡͡°)☞. At 15 planning my overdose on top of the van that was in back of the yard under the night sky. We lived away from the city so you'd see all of the beautiful stars. As to now I am 18, I never would of thought I would be back here again. Life Is not a fantasy or a movie, those who say "It gets better" well not for everyone. The world makes me sad (Tʖ̯T) and I want to commit in new york. I was thinking about this when I was 17. Either hanging or jumping off something, I just wanna be there. My old friend though, I don't want to leave without talking to him. We haven't talked in over a year and I think about him every single day. I know life is not all too sad, I know love is real by the way I love. I would die for him (ironic lol) but living for someone is the ultimate definition of love; I would be lying if I said I would live for him. I just want him happy healthy and safe I really really do I worry about him. I just want to talk to him again the least and most special thing that could happen. But life doesn't care what you want sometimes. I want death I want to be gone and I'll make sure I take myself out instead of a car accident, old age, or something else. I got into a car accident. my ex friend said she wish I would've died in the car accident and now in October two days before Halloween her mama died in one. So fucking sad. I keep thinking about that.
She is a two faced lying homophobic bitch but she is still human and I feel sad for her and no matter how much I don't like her I would still protect her even though she'd probably want me dead over something so stupid(#×_×).
I'm 18 but it feels 50 years, all my life it's never been not worrying. I've always worried, and no it's not about 'Mindset' shut up about that already toxic positivity is making my brain explode. I'm scared to be happy I don't want to sound edgy or whatever but especially in my last days on earth. I don't want to spend time with my loved ones not that they give a shit now about my mental health as they may when I'm dead and use my death for victimizing themselves like my mom did when my uncle died lol. I just hate people, hate how the world is like this and I'm not saying I'm a perfect angel oh heck no. I wouldn't hurt anyone, I want to protect people and animals. From all the bad in the world I wish I could cause apparently God is too busy doing his nails to do so. But again this is life, not a fantasy. It's all about your looks, your jobs, not your feelings or your brains. It's a superficial world that depends on how much good luck you have and I want no part of it!! I always lose at bingo and lottery and scratchers.
Ugh queen of drama island I am but I mean it.
Idk if this made sense and it's probably so scattered but yeahh ［(－－)］zzz
One of the good things in life is my little sister. We have the same humor and laugh and the dumbest memes with no meanings.
Now that's worth living for, my little sister.
I need to set a good example for her,
Goddammit I want to take myself out but I then think of her! Ugh, sibling career is real!
She is a two faced lying homophobic bitch but she is still human and I feel sad for her and no matter how much I don't like her I would still protect her even though she'd probably want me dead over something so stupid(#×_×).
I'm 18 but it feels 50 years, all my life it's never been not worrying. I've always worried, and no it's not about 'Mindset' shut up about that already toxic positivity is making my brain explode. I'm scared to be happy I don't want to sound edgy or whatever but especially in my last days on earth. I don't want to spend time with my loved ones not that they give a shit now about my mental health as they may when I'm dead and use my death for victimizing themselves like my mom did when my uncle died lol. I just hate people, hate how the world is like this and I'm not saying I'm a perfect angel oh heck no. I wouldn't hurt anyone, I want to protect people and animals. From all the bad in the world I wish I could cause apparently God is too busy doing his nails to do so. But again this is life, not a fantasy. It's all about your looks, your jobs, not your feelings or your brains. It's a superficial world that depends on how much good luck you have and I want no part of it!! I always lose at bingo and lottery and scratchers.
Ugh queen of drama island I am but I mean it.
Idk if this made sense and it's probably so scattered but yeahh ［(－－)］zzz
One of the good things in life is my little sister. We have the same humor and laugh and the dumbest memes with no meanings.
Now that's worth living for, my little sister.
I need to set a good example for her,
Goddammit I want to take myself out but I then think of her! Ugh, sibling career is real!
