TheRottingContinues
Low consciousness
- Aug 23, 2023
- 85
Method: partial hanging
Reason: idk really, some combination of hate myself, life sucks, so lonely, whatever whatever. I'm stupid and all my reasons are stupid.
1. Check for any potential hanging places (in my shed) (I need 1 hour alone)
2. Prepare the materials (rope, cloth, lotion, not, pull-up bar, clothes, chair)
3. Prepare the scenario (disarm house alarm, prepare myself, put materials in correct place)
4. Wait until nightfall, parents asleep
5. Execute the plan
It's scary knowing that posting this is pretty much one of the last things I'll ever do. But ah, whatever. GG, go next. Not a big deal. I don't ask anybody to remember me or mourn my life. I don't know what I was hoping to accomplish by making this post. Guess a part of me just wanted to leave one last mark on the world. If I survive, I'll update/delete this post.
I won't go into much detail about my story or whatever. I had the cops called on me three times already. I know saying "everybody is out to get me" is really stupid but it certainly feels that way. I just say one little thing and suddenly everybody got their guns pointed at me. Never tell anybody anything, especially if you live in a state where the "5150 involuntary hold" is in full effect. That place is a nightmare. Was lonely through my whole life, never really made connections with anybody. First thoughts of not wanting to live started all the way back when I was 9. 2019 formally decided "I want to kill myself." 2022 I set a goal for end of 2023. Here we are. I was carrying around my rope and cloth with me wherever I went looking for opportunities for an hour alone. I was on a pseudo-suicide-watch where somebody was with me at all times. It was painful. Catching up to 2023 I didn't get depressed or think about hating myself or hating life anymore; I was beyond that point. I just wanted to CTB, that's it.
Going into it I'm sorta scared but I know that everything will work out somehow. As long as I don't mess up. If I can just get to the shed without anybody noticing I'll have all the time I need. Left a suicide note, but I didn't talk about any of my thoughts or feelings cuz there's too many and they're all stupid. Love you all. Thank you all so much for finally talking to me and giving me the info I need. SS only place where I feel I can belong. Been lonely my whole life. Thank you for giving me some final peace. Never let this site be taken down.
Unlike other goodbye threads I feel it would be a disservice to you, wasting your time, if I make this too deep. My life wasn't that deep anyways. It's not that deep. I'll just say that a life where you have no control isn't a life at all. I guess that's my "final philosophy." Thanks for reading my shit. It means a lot that at least somebody acknowledges that I fucking died. Bye.
Reason: idk really, some combination of hate myself, life sucks, so lonely, whatever whatever. I'm stupid and all my reasons are stupid.
1. Check for any potential hanging places (in my shed) (I need 1 hour alone)
2. Prepare the materials (rope, cloth, lotion, not, pull-up bar, clothes, chair)
3. Prepare the scenario (disarm house alarm, prepare myself, put materials in correct place)
4. Wait until nightfall, parents asleep
5. Execute the plan
It's scary knowing that posting this is pretty much one of the last things I'll ever do. But ah, whatever. GG, go next. Not a big deal. I don't ask anybody to remember me or mourn my life. I don't know what I was hoping to accomplish by making this post. Guess a part of me just wanted to leave one last mark on the world. If I survive, I'll update/delete this post.
I won't go into much detail about my story or whatever. I had the cops called on me three times already. I know saying "everybody is out to get me" is really stupid but it certainly feels that way. I just say one little thing and suddenly everybody got their guns pointed at me. Never tell anybody anything, especially if you live in a state where the "5150 involuntary hold" is in full effect. That place is a nightmare. Was lonely through my whole life, never really made connections with anybody. First thoughts of not wanting to live started all the way back when I was 9. 2019 formally decided "I want to kill myself." 2022 I set a goal for end of 2023. Here we are. I was carrying around my rope and cloth with me wherever I went looking for opportunities for an hour alone. I was on a pseudo-suicide-watch where somebody was with me at all times. It was painful. Catching up to 2023 I didn't get depressed or think about hating myself or hating life anymore; I was beyond that point. I just wanted to CTB, that's it.
Going into it I'm sorta scared but I know that everything will work out somehow. As long as I don't mess up. If I can just get to the shed without anybody noticing I'll have all the time I need. Left a suicide note, but I didn't talk about any of my thoughts or feelings cuz there's too many and they're all stupid. Love you all. Thank you all so much for finally talking to me and giving me the info I need. SS only place where I feel I can belong. Been lonely my whole life. Thank you for giving me some final peace. Never let this site be taken down.
Unlike other goodbye threads I feel it would be a disservice to you, wasting your time, if I make this too deep. My life wasn't that deep anyways. It's not that deep. I'll just say that a life where you have no control isn't a life at all. I guess that's my "final philosophy." Thanks for reading my shit. It means a lot that at least somebody acknowledges that I fucking died. Bye.
