Quitting Therapy

[NumbItAll]

Therapy really has a strange power dynamic -- making yourself completely vulnerable and paying someone to give some wack ass advice that never actually helps. Honestly I've had a good experience with therapy over the last few years, but I've come to realize that for me it's basically like having a paid cheerleader and doesn't really help change anything. My life and outlook are still pretty much the same after all this time. Also my last session unexpectedly made me very angry and felt very inappropriate for reasons I'd rather not get into, which just confirms that it is time to cut ties finally. I'm curious about everyone's thoughts on therapy and whether anyone has been able to utilize it to help create lasting positive changes. For me it was always just a temporary release/boost which was fine for a while but that's not really working for me anymore.

 

[toasterbath]

Wasting money and going into debt accessing therapy that doesn't even help would just further fuel my decision to CTB. Through listening to many peoples experiences, some therapists just try and push you and hold you accountable not knowing how much of a struggle it is for people to function. Many end up feeling gaslit and victim blaming is a common theme too.

 

[Moonomyth]

I guess it depends on what the "anything" being changed is. I don't think they're especially helpful if you have significant problems stemming from the material conditions of your life, but they can be useful for working out problems in interpersonal relationships.

It sounds like it's been useful to you up to a certain point, and that is on paper what therapy is supposed to be: At some point you are supposed to stop. If you think you've reached that point, then I don't see any reason not to do so.

 

[Heartaches]

From my experience currently going to therapy, but have changed therapist many times over the last few years, I've always struggled finding the adequate type of therapy/therapist for me, it can be such a flipcoin without much middle ground. I think I've learned some lessons along the way, but most of my improvement came from small things rather than getting to the root of the problem until very recently. I understand why, but I feel I've had to repress so much along the way because, in the end, I didn't feel comfortable with the treatment or the people treating me; sometimes I'd feel they were working for their own interests rather than for my well-being.

Right now I'm feeling comfortable with my current therapist, have been making progress and genuinely feel understood without being judged. But it has been such a long way, and for a good amount of time I was afraid of therapists because I thought they were simply for the buck and didn't care how I turned out in the end.

In my opinion, I feel therapy still has a long way to go. There is so much misinformation, lack of education/conscience and prejudice among the general population and professionals, especially in countries where mental health isn't taken as seriously (I should know, Iive in one) and there aren't many professionals that attend very specific issues, it can be difficult. Sometimes it feels whatever progress you manage to achieve in therapy can be easily stopped by how the medical system is designed. It sucks, and I don't blame anyone for thinking they're going nowhere or they're just wasting money.

I don't know if my progress will carry with me in the long run, so I'm just hoping for the best.

Sorry for what you've gone through, it's none of your fault. Hope you can find something that better suits you in the near future.​

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

Your original post is 100% correct. Therapists are not to be trusted. Do not make yourself vulnerable to someone who gives you whack ass advice.
Want to vent? Be careful who you trust. Write in a journal. Come to these forums. Do not confide in therapists. Therapist = the rapist. They rape your soul before you know it.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Despite me feeling rather comfortable with her, and able to open up about the backdrop of everything being against suicide, I've decided to bail on my current therapist after last week's session. I can only afford student practitioners so I'd only have had until May anyway, but she was just too unfocused and tangential for me. I'd say at the beginning what I'd want to focus on, and more than once I had to steer her back to the topic of focus. In that same session she was saying something I already know and told her I needed in my life - more positive things to balance the shit - but given what's available to me now she was just recommending I force myself to try old shit I used to enjoy but now don't (for whatever reason) and maybe something good would come of it next time. Dude, don't you think I've tried that? Several times? Christ.

She didn't seem like a bad person and I was actually able to get some stuff out that really needed to happen...even if she couldn't keep on track to help me get further along with it. Was a positive experience overall, mostly just sad that the unfortunate expectation of ineffectiveness turned out to be right so early.

The problem with therapy for the suicidal is, like cancer, it is so insanely multi-faceted. The external and/or internal reasons for feeling this way. That will work for us, what won't. The type of practitioner/style that'll gel, those that fall flat. The fact that there are several schools of therapeutic approaches just makes it all the more ridiculous when people use the blanket statement "go to therapy" - it's like telling people with any ailment to just "take some medicine".

 

[wait.what]

I got a lot out of therapy as an under-socialized young adult. I'd spent my adolescence in fight-or-flight mode, and never expected to survive long enough to grow up. So I didn't bother learning how. I did really intensive therapy for about 2-3 years, 5 hours a week at some points. I think they call this "limited re-parenting" now, or maybe they always did. Idk. At 18 I was headed for some state hospital back ward, which I know because staff at the private hospital my parents sent me to told me so several times. They said it slightly more politely, but not much. By 21 I was just an asshole with too much emotional baggage to date. So almost indistinguishable from the rest of Generation X.

I've had diminishing returns since then. Partly because as you age, your personality becomes less moldable. Partly because of the bit about not transcending the material conditions of your life, as someone said above. And partly because the advent of managed care has changed the scope of therapy from life-transformational healing to hanging on by your fingernails until your appointment next week. For the anglo-speaking world, anyway, it's mostly replaced church as the opiate of the masses.

Edit: If one more therapist reads to me off a photocopied sheet about "Mindfulness," I am grabbing the nearest Encounter Bat™ and going nuts.

 

[Wannagonow]

Been in therapy for 20-30 years (on and off). Recently for about 10 years I had a really good therapist. Was compassionate, an active listener, gave me homework sometimes and when I was having a particularly hard time, she would text me on the weekends.

In the past year, 3 new ones have either retired or just quit. I agree with your thought about them just being cheerleaders. These younger ones are not active listeners, give little feedback and overall make very little investment in improving my mental heath. With each new therapist I'm expected to start from scratch and tell my life story for the millionth time. Nope. Not doing it anymore.

Here's the rub for me. I'm bipolar and do need medication. However, my insurance makes me see a therapist if I'm seeing a psychiatrist and being prescribed psych meds.

So, yes I've had meaningful successes with therapists, just not recently. I no longer trust them or find them helpful. It it wasn't for my insurance making me go- like you, I would quit. I hope you're able to make a good transition to no longer seeing a therapist.

 

[Cathy Ames]

My opinion is that therapy CAN be helpful but one crucial part of that is the skill of the particular therapist, and there are a hell of a lot of unskillful therapists out there. Also, someone without unlimited financial means and existing social support is going to be less likely to be able to access a skillful therapist. I think it IS worth at least trying. If you have a good one and do manage to make some changes, they may not be permanent (because they require maintenance and it is easy to fall off). However, at that point you can go back in for a "tuneup" to help you get back on track. At least in theory.

 

[NumbItAll]

I got a lot out of therapy as an under-socialized young adult. I'd spent my adolescence in fight-or-flight mode, and never expected to survive long enough to grow up. So I didn't bother learning how. I did really intensive therapy for about 2-3 years, 5 hours a week at some points. I think they call this "limited re-parenting" now, or maybe they always did. Idk. At 18 I was headed for some state hospital back ward, which I know because staff at the private hospital my parents sent me to told me so several times. They said it slightly more politely, but not much. By 21 I was just an asshole with too much emotional baggage to date. So almost indistinguishable from the rest of Generation X.

I've had diminishing returns since then. Partly because as you age, your personality becomes less moldable. Partly because of the bit about not transcending the material conditions of your life, as someone said above. And partly because the advent of managed care has changed the scope of therapy from life-transformational healing to hanging on by your fingernails until your appointment next week. For the anglo-speaking world, anyway, it's mostly replaced church as the opiate of the masses.

Edit: If one more therapist reads to me off a photocopied sheet about "Mindfulness," I am grabbing the nearest Encounter Bat™ and going nuts.

Wow 5 hours a week... that is so intense, I could never, lol. I run out of things to say pretty quickly.

I actually did have therapy in my teen years (multiple therapists), and it was generally positive, but it was the same thing: something to do, a place to vent, but nothing fundamentally changes. All that mindfulness crap and similar mental tricks do absolutely nothing for me. As such, I don't really find anyone in the mental health field to be credible anymore. It sucks to try for years and have little to show for it, but at the same time it is kind of freeing to just give up and move on.

 

[FrozenMango]

Well, at least you tried therapy and gave it at chance. Good for you! at the end of the day, only you know what is best for you

 

[whatevs]

Your original post is 100% correct. Therapists are not to be trusted. Do not make yourself vulnerable to someone who gives you whack ass advice.
Want to vent? Be careful who you trust. Write in a journal. Come to these forums. Do not confide in therapists. Therapist = the rapist. They rape your soul before you know it.

This is a little bit too strong, "Therapists, the Soul Defilers".