Quitting drinking, failed at the first hurdle

[MidnightDream]

Posted here like 2 days ago about quitting drinking. Mentioned going to a social event where I was going to 'mocktail taste' with another teetotal friend. I was pretty confident...I lasted an hour - One alcohol free cocktail before I jumped on the 2 for 1 deal with another friend. They all offered to buy me drinks since they know my financial situation, so I had 3 shots and 3 cocktails bought for me. How was I supposed to say no to that? I hadn't eaten all day, so I'm now wasted. Luckily my bad personality didn't trigger.. So I'm okay. But damn, talk about failing at the first hurdle

 

[Rounded Apathy]

That's really shitty of other people offering alcohol to you while trying not to drink, assuming they knew. If not, important to communicate this kind of thing, maybe avoid this kind of event, and/or go with a solid accountabili-buddy. Sucks to have a setback but once you sober up you can try again.

 

[MidnightDream]

That's really shitty of other people offering alcohol to you while trying not to drink, assuming they knew. If not, important to communicate this kind of thing, maybe avoid this kind of event, and/or go with a solid accountabili-buddy. Sucks to have a setback but once you sober up you can try again.

Yeah.. I mentioned multiple times at the start of the evening that I was trying not to drink, and that I didn't usually have a good experience with drinking. I also went with someone who never drinks, who was supposed to try and keep me accountable. But she didn't really bother, and as the others got more drunk I don't think they remembered what I'd said, or really cared. I was the oldest there, so I think they just trusted me to be responsible for myself.. Onwards and upwards I suppose

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Ah, if you are in or among a young demographic that makes a big difference. Unfortunately you will have to be the "adult" I guess. Avoiding situations where relapse is easy or even possible is likely key. Good luck

 

[western_heart]

I'm sorry that happened! It took a few tries of me trying before I actually stopped. I set rules in multiple ways & broke them & had bad experiences in different settings before my brain truly committed to stopping, I guess.

If your friends won't respect your boundaries, it might be best not to spend time with them in places where alcohol is served. Doesn't have to be that way forever - could be temporary until you work on reducing cravings / develop better self control. Or at least limit time spent out (perhaps meet up, get a non alcoholic beverage, then leave early once others start to get drunk). I've found that even if I can keep myself from drinking, it's not always a good time for me to be around drunk people while I am sober.

 

[Jack4230]

I decided to quit drinking all of October. I lasted until today. Fuck

 

[Dead Ghost]

I'm not very sociable, but if I remember a few years ago, when even my father, being invited to a wedding within the family, would take pains with me to refuse to drink alcohol.
The same thing happened to me in a course I did at a school, I refused to go to a beer party one day.

In fact, other people's impression of me is bad because I don't want to share a social space with alcohol. In reality, it has happened to me very rarely due to social phobia, but if I remember them well because they see it as a grievance, as an act of ingratitude.

In reality, it's been a long time since I stopped caring, I've never been able to drink alcohol and I can't stand its smell, it's the same with coffee, only that I accept it if I tried it as a child, a simple drop left in a glass , and I had to spit it out because my mouth was burning.
The whole world can be convinced that I won't drink alcohol.

//

Jo no sóc gaire sociable, pero si m'enrecordo de fa bastants anys, quan fins i tot el meu pare, al ser invitats en unes noces dins de l'àmbit familiar, s'emprenyava amb mi per negar-me a beure alcohol.
Em va passar el mateix en un curs que feía en una escola, em vaig negar a anar un día a una festa de la cervesa.

De fet la impressió de les altres persones cap a mi es dolenta pel fet de no voler compartir un espai social amb alcohol. En realitat m'ha passat molt poques vegades degut a la fóbia social, pero si les recordo bé perquè ho veuen com un greuge, com un acte de desagraïment.

En realitat fa temps que ja no m'importa, jo mai he pogut beure alcohol ni soporto la seva olor, em passa igual amb el café, només que l'acohol si el vaig provar de petit, una simple gota que quedava en un vas, i la vaig haver d'escupir perquè em cremava la boca.
Ja es pot emprenyar el món sencer amb mi que no prendré pas alcohol.

 

[Julgran]

Posted here like 2 days ago about quitting drinking. Mentioned going to a social event where I was going to 'mocktail taste' with another teetotal friend. I was pretty confident...I lasted an hour - One alcohol free cocktail before I jumped on the 2 for 1 deal with another friend. They all offered to buy me drinks since they know my financial situation, so I had 3 shots and 3 cocktails bought for me. How was I supposed to say no to that? I hadn't eaten all day, so I'm now wasted. Luckily my bad personality didn't trigger.. So I'm okay. But damn, talk about failing at the first hurdle

Possibly, your friends could have thought that you quitting alcohol could have been an excuse given by you in order not to feel shameful for not having the financial stability to keep drinking as usual - it's just a thought, and I don't know exactly what you told your friends earlier that night.

If there's a will, there's a way, so you may be able to quit alcohol eventually.

Good luck!

 

[SarRy]

I'm sorry to disagree, but you didn't fail. You can't "fail" at trying to be sober. It takes time and practice to change how you think and behave. Trying again is what defines. It's easy to say that since you "failed" to stay sober, then why not just drink? But, that's not how it works. Every day, every minute that you spend sober is one tick in the sobriety box. If you drink, that's one less you could add, but it never stops you from being sober tomorrow. Every drink not had is a win, even if the days aren't in a consecutive row. If you only drank once in a year, that's not a failed year of sobriety, that's 364 days of sobriety.
One of the saddest truths about people with addictions is that they often lack resilience because they have a negative view of themselves. Seeing that you deserve to take care of yourself and be cared for is not easy. It can give you the knowledge that a mistake isn't representative of who you are. It's just one time. It's not every time.
So, just try to put more time into the sober column. By the way, you didn't fail at the first step. By your count, your first drink was a "mocktail".
A good tip is to distance yourself from the drinking scene physically. Being drinking is just too tempting sometimes. It's like having a food problem and not buying sweets to stock your shelves at home. Not everything is about willpower. Much of how we behave is simply due to our surroundings. So, try to choose the right surrounding for you.
I hope you don't get too hard on yourself. It's not strange or uncommon. It doesn't define you or what you're capable of. You can do this.

 

[MidnightDream]

Possibly, your friends could have thought that you quitting alcohol could have been an excuse given by you in order not to feel shameful for not having the financial stability to keep drinking as usual - it's just a thought, and I don't know exactly what you told your friends earlier that night.

If there's a will, there's a way, so you may be able to quit alcohol eventually.

Good luck!

That's a very good point, I hadn't considered that

I'm sorry to disagree, but you didn't fail. You can't "fail" at trying to be sober. It takes time and practice to change how you think and behave. Trying again is what defines. It's easy to say that since you "failed" to stay sober, then why not just drink? But, that's not how it works. Every day, every minute that you spend sober is one tick in the sobriety box. If you drink, that's one less you could add, but it never stops you from being sober tomorrow. Every drink not had is a win, even if the days aren't in a consecutive row. If you only drank once in a year, that's not a failed year of sobriety, that's 364 days of sobriety.
One of the saddest truths about people with addictions is that they often lack resilience because they have a negative view of themselves. Seeing that you deserve to take care of yourself and be cared for is not easy. It can give you the knowledge that a mistake isn't representative of who you are. It's just one time. It's not every time.
So, just try to put more time into the sober column. By the way, you didn't fail at the first step. By your count, your first drink was a "mocktail".
A good tip is to distance yourself from the drinking scene physically. Being drinking is just too tempting sometimes. It's like having a food problem and not buying sweets to stock your shelves at home. Not everything is about willpower. Much of how we behave is simply due to our surroundings. So, try to choose the right surrounding for you.
I hope you don't get too hard on yourself. It's not strange or uncommon. It doesn't define you or what you're capable of. You can do this.

I needed this. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, it had more of an impact on me than you'll ever know

I'm not very sociable, but if I remember a few years ago, when even my father, being invited to a wedding within the family, would take pains with me to refuse to drink alcohol.
The same thing happened to me in a course I did at a school, I refused to go to a beer party one day.

In fact, other people's impression of me is bad because I don't want to share a social space with alcohol. In reality, it has happened to me very rarely due to social phobia, but if I remember them well because they see it as a grievance, as an act of ingratitude.

In reality, it's been a long time since I stopped caring, I've never been able to drink alcohol and I can't stand its smell, it's the same with coffee, only that I accept it if I tried it as a child, a simple drop left in a glass , and I had to spit it out because my mouth was burning.
The whole world can be convinced that I won't drink alcohol.

//

Jo no sóc gaire sociable, pero si m'enrecordo de fa bastants anys, quan fins i tot el meu pare, al ser invitats en unes noces dins de l'àmbit familiar, s'emprenyava amb mi per negar-me a beure alcohol.
Em va passar el mateix en un curs que feía en una escola, em vaig negar a anar un día a una festa de la cervesa.

De fet la impressió de les altres persones cap a mi es dolenta pel fet de no voler compartir un espai social amb alcohol. En realitat m'ha passat molt poques vegades degut a la fóbia social, pero si les recordo bé perquè ho veuen com un greuge, com un acte de desagraïment.

En realitat fa temps que ja no m'importa, jo mai he pogut beure alcohol ni soporto la seva olor, em passa igual amb el café, només que l'acohol si el vaig provar de petit, una simple gota que quedava en un vas, i la vaig haver d'escupir perquè em cremava la boca.
Ja es pot emprenyar el món sencer amb mi que no prendré pas alcohol.

I'm sorry you experienced that rejection, it's honestly shocking how ingrained drinking is in European culture. No one should ever feel rejected just because they don't want to do something

I decided to quit drinking all of October. I lasted until today. Fuck

Here for you <3
I just wanna say a massive thank you to all of you for taking the time to share your experiences and offer me support, it's greatly appreciated, more than you'll know