Venting Questioning my only reason to not CBT, advice apprecicated.

[AboutTom]

So, for the past 3 years my best friend has been my only reason for staying alive. I know i'm incredebly privileged to have someone like him as so many people here sound like they'd seriously benefit from a friend. I know that i want to cbt, but i don't wanna make him sad.

The reason i believe me ctb would have a negative impact on him is because he used to be struggling a lot and now he doesn't, i can't really point to any other reason to why he'd be doing better than meeting me. And the difference is very clear and has been for the past 3 years.

The plan was for us to live together and ctb together once we're old and one of us gets cancer or smt else like that. Well now i have glaucoma. At young age. It's one of the most common causes of blindness but for those who don't know, disorder where eye pressure causes gradual vision loss, you have to avoid anything that could speed it up from certain medications to your sleep position. Its pretty miserable knowing im doing everything right but only have multiple eye surgeries and gradual vision loss ahead of me at just 18 years old.

I haven't been living for myself for a long time. So it shoudnt rly matter how miserable i get, as long as he's happy. But how happy can he be if he's gonna have to pity me for rest of our lives. I feel like i'm now just gonna be a burden, even if i wont go fully blind i will be very visually impaired as time goes on. He said he would take care of me and it doesn't change anything but i think he doesnt unserstand or then he's lying. It absolutely changes everything. I wonder would he be happier having a blind friend or no friend at all. Like how fast would he forget about it if i ctb?

 

[FuneralCry]

I doubt that your friend would forget about it if you were to ctb, but I guess that if you did decide to go through with it, all that you could do is write a note to try and give some understanding as to why you decided to leave. But I guess that after all, only you know what's best, none of us are obligated to continue existing and that does sound like a horrible situation to be in.

 

[JusTired]

So, for the past 3 years my best friend has been my only reason for staying alive. I know i'm incredebly privileged to have someone like him as so many people here sound like they'd seriously benefit from a friend. I know that i want to cbt, but i don't wanna make him sad.

The reason i believe me ctb would have a negative impact on him is because he used to be struggling a lot and now he doesn't, i can't really point to any other reason to why he'd be doing better than meeting me. And the difference is very clear and has been for the past 3 years.

The plan was for us to live together and ctb together once we're old and one of us gets cancer or smt else like that. Well now i have glaucoma. At young age. It's one of the most common causes of blindness but for those who don't know, disorder where eye pressure causes gradual vision loss, you have to avoid anything that could speed it up from certain medications to your sleep position. Its pretty miserable knowing im doing everything right but only have multiple eye surgeries and gradual vision loss ahead of me at just 18 years old.

I haven't been living for myself for a long time. So it shoudnt rly matter how miserable i get, as long as he's happy. But how happy can he be if he's gonna have to pity me for rest of our lives. I feel like i'm now just gonna be a burden, even if i wont go fully blind i will be very visually impaired as time goes on. He said he would take care of me and it doesn't change anything but i think he doesnt unserstand or then he's lying. It absolutely changes everything. I wonder would he be happier having a blind friend or no friend at all. Like how fast would he forget about it if i ctb?

Do you have it in both eyes? I basically have it in one (another degenerative disease) so to some extent, I know what you are going through.

Nobody can know for sure how he would feel. All you can do is worry about yourself.

 

[AboutTom]

Do you have it in both eyes? I basically have it in one (another degenerative disease) so to some extent, I know what you are going through.

Nobody can know for sure how he would feel. All you can do is worry about yourself.

its in both eyes unfortunately.

 

[JusTired]

its in both eyes unfortunately.

I am sorry to read this. I am photosensitive and most days can do nothing but lay in bed with migraines and keep my eyes closed.

Cant sleep, can't drive, can't be outside, can't be inside with lights on, can't read, can't watch television, can't think about anything but how shit life is…

The worst thing, like you said, is to have this happen to you when you are still young. People expect it in old age, and tend to be understanding when elderly want to give up or are depressed because who wants to be in poor health like that, right?

People don't understand and it is an invisible disability. Even to be on disability, you have to be legally blind first in one eye. Doesn't matter that you are on your way and there is no turning back. Until then, you're fine, right?

I get it. If on,y I didn't, but I do.

If you ever want to talk about it more, don't hesitate to message me. If I am still alive I will always respond.