I have to agree with Now_And_Then that the state the world is in is the biggest problem. All of the corrupt systems we live under play a large part in making people like us that feel the need to find community through wanting to die, even if it's not always obvious. And even then I'd think many of us are better off than a lot of the other victims of these structures.
If I was to say only the things I'd need to make my life better, it'd be the treatments and medication I've been consistently denied and been unable to get so that I can start building a life for myself and go outside like a person again.
I'd need a way to get rid of all the damage my body has gone through living how I do, I'd need to feel like people would treat me like one of them rather than something lesser.
I'm not sure if there's a way to work through the mental issues I have even in a dream scenario. I think if I ever did get to a point where I'd want to keep going I'd have to have made peace with the fact my brain will always suck. I'm not sure I could see myself deciding just to bear with that forever.
I'd really like a partner I could dedicate myself to that wouldn't abandon me, I do a lot better when I have someone I can focus on making happy.
I'd appreciate not having to worry about the DWP taking away everything I have to live on, just not having to worry about money in general.
It would be great to have the creativity I used to have back, and a space with all sorts of tools so I could make things.
I'd also love to find community so I could feel accepted and less alone, and I'd like the chance to create with other people.
But yeah. Mostly, I'd just like to live in the world that doesn't kick people when they're down. Then maybe none of us would have to be here. It's hard to separate my need for a better world from what would make my life worth living, when the world is pretty much manufactured to break people like me.
I'm sorry I write so much, I guess it all spills out at once when I get the chance.
