lonestar96
New Member
- Dec 3, 2021
- 3
Hi everyone,
I've mostly observed of this forum since the pandemic started, but now I'm an official member, and I wanted to ask a question.
For some background info:
- age 25
- plus-size
- queer
- womxn of color
So I'm already in the recycling bin of most people's perception + I've had suicidal thoughts since age 11. My depression and anxiety have really amped up over the past couple months for a variety of reasons, and everything, big or small, has been difficult to manage.
I love trying to understand how things work, so naturally I've attempted to do that with my own mental illnesses; and last night, I was reading about how highly introverted people and those suffering from depression and anxiety can experience less dopamine being released when interacting with others socially. Because less pleasure is being experienced from human interaction, this can contribute to:
1. Feelings of isolation or "it's like no one understands"
2. Needing more time to recharge from social interactions
For whatever the hell they're worth, personality tests have always deemed me over 90% introverted, and I find myself needing more and more time away from everyone to recharge.
On the other side of this, I feel incredibly isolated, unloved and worthless. I know this isn't factual because friends and family express their love for me all the time. The problem is I don't feel *connected* to anyone. If it makes any sense, I care about them all deeply, but I don't feel seen or understood by anyone. It's like I know they would help me if they could, but I don't treat them as if they can help. I see it as out of their control, and I'm starting to feel like it's out of my control as well. It feels like an invisible wall sits between me and the brink of forming a meaningful connection. Maybe I was just born broken, and I don't need to toss and turn over finding of way to "fix" myself.
TLDR: Sad girl wants to know if anyone has ever gone from feeling like they'll never connect with anyone to finding and maintaining fulfilling relationships
Sorry if there are any typos - on my lunch break at work trying to keep from crying and scaring everyone
I've mostly observed of this forum since the pandemic started, but now I'm an official member, and I wanted to ask a question.
For some background info:
- age 25
- plus-size
- queer
- womxn of color
So I'm already in the recycling bin of most people's perception + I've had suicidal thoughts since age 11. My depression and anxiety have really amped up over the past couple months for a variety of reasons, and everything, big or small, has been difficult to manage.
I love trying to understand how things work, so naturally I've attempted to do that with my own mental illnesses; and last night, I was reading about how highly introverted people and those suffering from depression and anxiety can experience less dopamine being released when interacting with others socially. Because less pleasure is being experienced from human interaction, this can contribute to:
1. Feelings of isolation or "it's like no one understands"
2. Needing more time to recharge from social interactions
For whatever the hell they're worth, personality tests have always deemed me over 90% introverted, and I find myself needing more and more time away from everyone to recharge.
On the other side of this, I feel incredibly isolated, unloved and worthless. I know this isn't factual because friends and family express their love for me all the time. The problem is I don't feel *connected* to anyone. If it makes any sense, I care about them all deeply, but I don't feel seen or understood by anyone. It's like I know they would help me if they could, but I don't treat them as if they can help. I see it as out of their control, and I'm starting to feel like it's out of my control as well. It feels like an invisible wall sits between me and the brink of forming a meaningful connection. Maybe I was just born broken, and I don't need to toss and turn over finding of way to "fix" myself.
TLDR: Sad girl wants to know if anyone has ever gone from feeling like they'll never connect with anyone to finding and maintaining fulfilling relationships
Sorry if there are any typos - on my lunch break at work trying to keep from crying and scaring everyone
I often wish I were an extrovert
