Pushing myself

[Parnate]

This is serious. I strongly believe in the supernatural.
I am a very coward person, also I am wishful thinker and hopeful in an unrealistic way. I don't think I can CTB even if i have nembutal.
My main issues are ADHD, AVPD(depression and anxiety) and hyperhidrosis.
I could live with the other two if the ADHD could be treated. I was treated with atomoxetine, methyl phenidate and bupropion, none helped. I am the employee with the poorest performance in my team at my office. Any other company would have kicked me out long ago. My company has been generous and kind. But i dont want this to go on forever. I want to end this. Am from a middle class family. Don't have sufficient money to live a life without working a good job.
I am thinking of summoning a spirit or demon. I believe that if it takes control over me i will eventually die or so i believe from what I have read about most cases of possession.
When my depression started in 2012 i performed many rituals of Hindu Gods to get better but nothing ever helped. I feel that if Gods didn't help maybe the evil will...
There is a 1percent chance that the evil might help me. If it doesn't then it will make me die.

 

[Darkover]

i'll sell my soul to the devil if he kills me now, let me know if you do manage to get some evil to help you i could do with some help

 

[Parnate]

i'll sell my soul to the devil if he kills me now, let me know if you do manage to get some evil to help you i could do with some help

Actually i don't want to sell my soul, I strongly believe in rebirth ,maybe cause of religion and upbringing. I am very much hopeful that all the good deeds I have done in this life will give me a better next life, may be i am illogical but this makes me feel good, cause there are so many things I wish i could have done in this life and not being able to do them ever will break my heart.

 

[SVEN]

Not being well informed on demonology or the supernatural, I can't help wondering if summoning a demon or spirit might not negate a lot/all of the good you feel you may carry over into a next life.
Also, from what little I've read about these type of spirits they seem malignant, very untrustworthy and certainly unlikely to do anything for you without some kind of psychic payment. Even if a demon killed you, I can't see how you could be sure you'd be in a better place or condition.
Best wishes whatever choices you make.