It was one of the most thrilling moments of my life, and could be good practice for overcoming SI once I decide to hang myself. Up until then the thought of pulling a fire alarm as a prank was literally "unthinkable" to me. Not that it's some horrible act up there with murder and rape, but that of all the actions which I would possibly consider doing, it was certainly not one of them. Every fire alarm I had ever passed by before might as well have had the invisible words "Treat with extreme caution" written above it. But as I contemplated it, it rapidly became something that I had to do, because not doing it would mean that I was once again running from whatever made me uncomfortable, and I couldn't bear to see that side of myself prevail in yet another instance of my failed life. It was my form of rebellion against hesitation, comfort-seeking, "playing it safe", and within 5 minutes what had began as a sudden impulse had become the only thing I considered worth doing.
I stood at the end of a long hallway on the 5th floor until I was sure no one was looking, and after about 30-40 minutes of hesitating, I put my hand on the bar and pulled down, and then immediately ran down the stairs. Time passed so slowly that in the three seconds it took for the alarm to sound I began to seriously consider whether the alarm system was even set up right (I know, because I have it on video). As soon as the siren went off, the door opening into the stairwell automatically slammed shut, as did all the lower-level doors. I began to panic, thinking that this was their way of catching people like me. But at the very bottom there was an emergency exit door which lead out onto the street (kinda obvious there would be one, because what if there was a real fire lol), and from there I made my way to the front entrance to see how many people were in the building at the time (probably around 250).
For the span of an hour or two my depression was lifted, and I felt like a child again. I know that's cliche, but when you've had a life as hard as mine, and your only taste of true happiness was in childhood, that's your only understanding of it.
I stood at the end of a long hallway on the 5th floor until I was sure no one was looking, and after about 30-40 minutes of hesitating, I put my hand on the bar and pulled down, and then immediately ran down the stairs. Time passed so slowly that in the three seconds it took for the alarm to sound I began to seriously consider whether the alarm system was even set up right (I know, because I have it on video). As soon as the siren went off, the door opening into the stairwell automatically slammed shut, as did all the lower-level doors. I began to panic, thinking that this was their way of catching people like me. But at the very bottom there was an emergency exit door which lead out onto the street (kinda obvious there would be one, because what if there was a real fire lol), and from there I made my way to the front entrance to see how many people were in the building at the time (probably around 250).
For the span of an hour or two my depression was lifted, and I felt like a child again. I know that's cliche, but when you've had a life as hard as mine, and your only taste of true happiness was in childhood, that's your only understanding of it.
