The movie "The Menu" with Ralph Fiennes inspired me on the greatest way to CTB. Before he commits mass murder/suicide he says "You represent the ruin of my art and my life, and now you get to be a part of it. Part of what I hope is my... masterpiece."
As a complete failure at life I want nothing more than to die. The world would be better and the only living thing who would truly suffer is my cat. Family wouldn't care. GF would be upset but she deserves better and would be happier long term even if she doesn't know it. Work could have someone cheaper. Landlord could have a tenant who pays more without rent control. Gov't wouldn't spend on VA stuff on me. Any organs useful would go to people. Everyone wins except the IRS (more reason to do it).
Since I live in a democrat state I can't legally get a gun without giving up VA benefits for PTSD (at least in mine). Apartment doesn't have anywhere to hang a rope (guess I didn't want to die when moving here). As a total failure I'm certain I'd fuck up slitting my wrist or throat and end up just in a hospital or worse.
Poisons are getable but seems less certain to work, or may take looong times. Of course SN and N are banned/hard to get in US. But those seem too subtle anyway.
Would love to make my suicide a public spectacle at a sports game or gambling place in the spirit of "The Menu". Sports was often an escape. Now with the excessive shoving on betting down people's throats at every turn (at games, on tv, every marketing material) the combination of sports and gambling has put me in a spot where I'm ending it all with the impurity of sports now. It would be great to somehow do a big "fuck you " to both leaving details on why they're bad while offing myself in public. Since my life is a waste maybe my end can help others. At the least it would inconvenience some people. Would be great to do something that the establishments can't just hide and would draw attention to it.
As a complete failure at life I want nothing more than to die. The world would be better and the only living thing who would truly suffer is my cat. Family wouldn't care. GF would be upset but she deserves better and would be happier long term even if she doesn't know it. Work could have someone cheaper. Landlord could have a tenant who pays more without rent control. Gov't wouldn't spend on VA stuff on me. Any organs useful would go to people. Everyone wins except the IRS (more reason to do it).
Since I live in a democrat state I can't legally get a gun without giving up VA benefits for PTSD (at least in mine). Apartment doesn't have anywhere to hang a rope (guess I didn't want to die when moving here). As a total failure I'm certain I'd fuck up slitting my wrist or throat and end up just in a hospital or worse.
Poisons are getable but seems less certain to work, or may take looong times. Of course SN and N are banned/hard to get in US. But those seem too subtle anyway.
Would love to make my suicide a public spectacle at a sports game or gambling place in the spirit of "The Menu". Sports was often an escape. Now with the excessive shoving on betting down people's throats at every turn (at games, on tv, every marketing material) the combination of sports and gambling has put me in a spot where I'm ending it all with the impurity of sports now. It would be great to somehow do a big "fuck you " to both leaving details on why they're bad while offing myself in public. Since my life is a waste maybe my end can help others. At the least it would inconvenience some people. Would be great to do something that the establishments can't just hide and would draw attention to it.
