Again I'm really sorry what happened. I HOPE you know your value and your worth and how much you deserve to be respected because if you don't love yourself you're going to attract those people and allow them to treat you like that. People only treat you badly if you allow it. And since you said this is a pattern in your life it sounds like you don't have a lot of love for yourself which breaks my heart. Because you should love yourself. You should respect yourself and know your worth. You'll start to attract people that respect you and treat you with dignity.
There are a lot of wonderful people in the world who can't attract people who love them or treat them with respect. It makes sense in theory that if you do "a" then "b" will inevitably happen but in my experience that is not how life works.
Sometimes you don't know a person is toxic until after weeks, months, years. I find that if you have low self-esteem you will stick around longer than most. Even if you keep cutting out people in your life who mistreat you it doesn't guarantee one day someone will haphazardly meet you and decide you are worth their time.
Other people play a crucial part in our development as people who become resilient and self-loving. You can love yourself and do all the right things it still doesn't mean you will attract a loving partner.
I don't think their is a certain equation to get certain results. Hence bad things happen to good people. I know people who were great spouses and still got cheated on and abused.
People are fragile imperfect full of error gone haywire. I agree if you love yourself you will probably put up more boundaries with people when they reveal they are toxic but nothing is a guarantee to get you what you want.
I think I am a nice person and I do have self-esteem though not much. Too much trama has over my lifetime has caused me to struggle in relationships but I am a soild loyal friend and partner.
Life is so unpredictable. It is something that bothers me a lot. You can do all the right things and everything may still go to sh*t.
I have thought about what happened a lot since yesterday and realize in retrospect there were signs. I realized I shouldn't internalize a
the message his actions implied. I don't respect and like him anymore. I think it is okay to feel sad. I just want to make sure I see the sliverlining too.
If I had thought about it correctly I would have decided I should not feel sad\upset about someone who mistreated me. I should respond with justified anger and relief he showed his true colors. He is not someone I want in my life. Instead I allowed his behavior or what I felt it implied bring me to a dark place.
It hurts I can't advoid that entirely but you know what...who does what he did to another person. He isn't someone that matters to me at this point. The more I think about it the more I feel upset and hurt. It makes me rethink everything. I really need to have my guard up around other people until the can prove themselves. I let my guard down and was opening up to him but he hadn't actually earned it yet. This has to do with my struggling with trying to navigate relationships and my loneliness. I need to be more protective of myself, time, heart, emotions.
Again I'm really sorry what happened. I HOPE you know your value and your worth and how much you deserve to be respected because if you don't love yourself you're going to attract those people and allow them to treat you like that. People only treat you badly if you allow it. And since you said this is a pattern in your life it sounds like you don't have a lot of love for yourself which breaks my heart. Because you should love yourself. You should respect yourself and know your worth. You'll start to attract people that respect you and treat you with dignity.
It hurts still but I am starting to realize it is a positive experince because what happened was a red flag. I care more about how hurtful the behavior was than what it says about that person's character.
Did it hurt me? Yes. Did I hope he would over time prove to be a positive addition to my life? Yes. It was hard to be treated the way I was. It was a trigger and it was heart breaking. It is one thing for it to happen in private but not in front of like massive amount of people.
We don't share the same values, character, common dececy. That is the more important issue here I skipped over and went straight to feeling triggered.
I am building my self-esteem but it will never be complete as long as no one mirrors back my self-worth. Humans aren't meant to be alone. Without loved ones showing that support and giving that reassurance it will never fully develop. It is crucial to our development as people and our level of happiness.
Studies have been conducted about it. People need to find a tribe, family, friends, a romantic partner or we die earlier, become sick more often.
If no one loves and acceps us over months, years, and decades it starves a certain part of the soul. We need that sense of acceptence and love to know we are actually lovable. It is a social development type thing to help us function. I need and want that. What do I do of no one comes around who can provide this? I can tell myself I love myself 10000 times a day but if no other soul ever repeats it my voice will be an empty echo that has no impact.
So, in a sense, I can only have so much self-esteem. When you are only person telling yourself you matter and ect it gets old and you feel pathetic. People develop self-worth when they have people around them to share in their existence and affirm their worth through choosing to be a part of their lives.
