Discussion PTSD Vent. Also post if you find anything relatable.

[CuriosityAndCat]

I deal with complex PTSD. My parents wanted to know why I'm STILL having freezes, nightmares, and flashbacks.

I told them again. They barely remember any of the times they beat me, screamed at me, or emotionally abused me. I remember so many events. It all was just become so normalized. I asked if they even remembered the last time my dad had beat me the month before I left for college. They didn't remember. It was angry and violent, and I had protect my head with my arms. I've had flashbacks and nightmares about that for so long.

My mom's explanation is that it's part of the culture and wasn't excessive. It went far beyond cultural norms. She gave me an example of when her dad beat her brother till he peed. That's also beyond what's acceptable.

They also told me my grandfather (her dad) isn't doing well and is likely going to die soon. I don't want to go visit. I don't even feel like caring. I don't want anything to do with my extended family or culture. It's not rational as no one there has treated me poorly.

I've been interviewing people during my therapy. So many had never even been beaten or otherwise abused. It was rarer to have it happen multiple times a week. I checked Whatsapp and reddit and news articles for what was viral/ newsworthy to get a baseline for what was considered abuse. Everything I found indicates what I went through was beyond cultural acceptance.

I've been explaining it all to myself as my dad's on the spectrum he couldn't tell how his actions affected me. My mom is just unable to handle her emotions. However, they had implemented a positive reward system for my younger brothers. It feels like abusing me was an active choice they made since they were capable of something better. My mom explained that as they had to treat me like that because I had ADHD and was a bad child. Testing shows I don't have and probably never had adhd.

I feel frustrated that therapy is slow and has taken 4 years so far. Right now I spend about 29 hrs a week going for therapies, meditating, walking during panic attacks, working out, and therapy homework just to remain stable and not feel like I want to or should die.

I'm starting to feel burnout. If you got all the way here, thank you for spending the time reading.

 

[Argo]

There are no "bad children", that's the whole point of the difficulty of raising a child. There are unskilled parents, though. And unskilled parents will create the illusion of a "bad child". Sorry you found yourself with abusers for parents-- sounds like gaslighting comes with it too, where they conveniently don't remember their disgusting behaviors. No one deserves to be treated the way you were. My advice would be to not look to them for any kind of resolution, they generally don't go "Oh yeah, that was psychopathic, how we treated you-- we're deeply ashamed and sorry". That... just doesn't happen, generally speaking. Their excuses will never be well reasoned, their answers will never be genuine, and will never be in touch with the reality of the harm.

It's a bit like being attacked by a bear in the wilderness, and then returning to find the bear that mauled you to see if it feels bad so you can finally heal from your injury. It only causes more harm, right? That's sort of what it's like with abusive parents. It's motivated by a desire for closure, which is something I relate to and is fully understandable, but it just does more harm. I think that's important to not continue suffering. Wishing you the best of luck in your efforts to overcome this.

 

[Pluto]

It's a bit like being attacked by a bear in the wilderness, and then returning to find the bear that mauled you to see if it feels bad so you can finally heal from your injury.

That's a very good analogy. The one positive is that you'll find they are consistently harmful.

The only thing I can add is that for me, the nightmares mostly ended when I was no longer living in that creepy environment. In my case, there was little violence but a high level of emotional abuse, of course combined with covering up everything that happened and falsely diagnosing me with a genetic disorder.

Also, I can confirm that ALL violence against children is considered bad based on modern research. Citation below:

Corporal punishment and health

Corporal or physical punishment is highly prevalent globally, both in homes and schools. Evidence shows that it is linked to a range of both short- and long-term negative outcomes for children across countries and cultures. Rather than being an effective method to improve child behaviour...

www.who.int

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

Also, I can confirm that ALL violence against children is considered bad based on modern research.

It's not new research either. My dad is a pediatrician so it's really difficult to find grounding by trying to explain the memories.
He also misdiagnosed me ADHD.

There are no "bad children", that's the whole point of the difficulty of raising a child. There are unskilled parents, though. And unskilled parents will create the illusion of a "bad child". Sorry you found yourself with abusers for parents-- sounds like gaslighting comes with it too, where they conveniently don't remember their disgusting behaviors. No one deserves to be treated the way you were. My advice would be to not look to them for any kind of resolution, they generally don't go "Oh yeah, that was psychopathic, how we treated you-- we're deeply ashamed and sorry". That... just doesn't happen, generally speaking. Their excuses will never be well reasoned, their answers will never be genuine, and will never be in touch with the reality of the harm.

It's a bit like being attacked by a bear in the wilderness, and then returning to find the bear that mauled you to see if it feels bad so you can finally heal from your injury. It only causes more harm, right? That's sort of what it's like with abusive parents. It's motivated by a desire for closure, which is something I relate to and is fully understandable, but it just does more harm. I think that's important to not continue suffering. Wishing you the best of luck in your efforts to overcome this.

That kinda makes me feel like I got resolution. Thank you.