Ptsd making me want to die

[divinemistress36]

Its just one of those days...

 

[CatLvr]

Bless your heart -- I have these days, too. And feeling like you are being hunted is EXACTLY how it feels for me also.

Do this for me -- make yourself your favorite warm drink (mine is a hot tea), then turn on whatever music that calms you (mine is what my kids call "witchy-whooey music), and wrap yourself in a nice, warm blanket. Then take a sip of tea and pretend I am giving you a big, nice, warm hug. I hope you feel better soon, my friend.

 

[Sn00t]

There's a quote I like which I heard from Norman Finklestein which he claims to attribute to himself, it's "for what is depression, but life stripped of its illusions". Perhaps when the instincts of optimism are stripped away, our nervous system, our brains react accordingly to the danger or fate. What's more appropriate for the evil nature of life but the rotting, horror inducing feeling of depression and anxiety?
Is it perhaps that the depressed are the normal people giving a normal reaction to life? Maybe then, it's just a cope. Anyways, take care of yourself

 

[divinemistress36]

Bless your heart -- I have these days, too. And feeling like you are being hunted is EXACTLY how it feels for me also.

Do this for me -- make yourself your favorite warm drink (mine is a hot tea), then turn on whatever music that calms you (mine is what my kids call "witchy-whooey music), and wrap yourself in a nice, warm blanket. Then take a sip of tea and pretend I am giving you a big, nice, warm hug. I hope you feel better soon, my friend.

Thank you kind soul <3

There's a quote I like which I heard from Norman Finklestein which he claims to attribute to himself, it's "for what is depression, but life stripped of its illusions". Perhaps when the instincts of optimism are stripped away, our nervous system, our brains react accordingly to the danger or fate. What's more appropriate for the evil nature of life but the rotting, horror inducing feeling of depression and anxiety?
Is it perhaps that the depressed are the normal people giving a normal reaction to life? Maybe then, it's just a cope. Anyways, take care of yourself

I love this. I think the more aware people are the more depressed they are

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Same tbh. When my PTSD is particularly bad, I'm definitely more miserable.

I think the more aware people are the more depressed they are

Also agree with this sentiment. Life is worse when you're acutely aware of how shitty it is. I think when you're more aware, you can take off the rose-tinted glasses.

 

[divinemistress36]

Same tbh. When my PTSD is particularly bad, I'm definitely more miserable.


Also agree with this sentiment. Life is worse when you're acutely aware of how shitty it is. I think when you're more aware, you can take off the rose-tinted glasses.

I think ctb will be really hard with ptsd. We have a strong fight or flight response body trying to keep us safe at all costs

 

[CatLvr]

I think ctb will be really hard with ptsd. We have a strong fight or flight response body trying to keep us safe at all costs

I have found this to be VERY true of myself. The couple of times I tried (and failed, obviously) I had to get myself really fucked up to even get on with it and give it a try. I was so disappointed when I came to after each of my two attempts. And I wondered if my CPTSD had something to do with it. Like maybe I unconsciously sabotaged myself??

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I think ctb will be really hard with ptsd. We have a strong fight or flight response body trying to keep us safe at all costs

You know, I never thought of that. I've been really desperate to CTB recently, but my SI has been super strong. It honestly could be that, which I never thought about. Like @CatLvr said, maybe subconsciously sabotaging myself this whole time.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

There's a quote I like which I heard from Norman Finklestein which he claims to attribute to himself, it's "for what is depression, but life stripped of its illusions". Perhaps when the instincts of optimism are stripped away, our nervous system, our brains react accordingly to the danger or fate. What's more appropriate for the evil nature of life but the rotting, horror inducing feeling of depression and anxiety?
Is it perhaps that the depressed are the normal people giving a normal reaction to life? Maybe then, it's just a cope. Anyways, take care of yourself

I have found that when I'm deeply depressed I'm able to confront the saddest, most disturbing aspects of my life which must otherwise be avoided at all costs when I'm less depressed. I feel more myself during deep depression, becase my life simply is deeply depressing. I can never not be depressed again, at best I can be medicated and repress it to some degree. It's sad, but I'd rather accept a sad truth than flail around in ignorance.

I think ctb will be really hard with ptsd. We have a strong fight or flight response body trying to keep us safe at all costs

I've been struggling to ctb because my mind is coming up with all kinds of means to avoid it. A lifetime of traumas have made me sensitive and skittish. Many of the thoughts and memories that compel me to ctb are locked away in the vaults reserved for dangerously upsetting memories. Pushing against the headwinds is exhausting and I don't get anything done for days.

It's so difficult to navigate all these landmines of fears and repressed memories. I know I want to die, so why does my brain have to get in its own way?!!!

 

[Tig]

Just , I'm feeling you.