Venting PTSD feels like a death sentence

[Starry✧･ﾟDaze]

*no native speaker, sorry

So my therapist told me that PTSD is actually a healthy reaction of the brain to bad trauma. Your brain is desperately trying to make you survive at all cost, disregarding any quality of life or how you feel. Survival is the only goal.

So I can see that this was healthy in stone age or medieval times, but she also told me that there is usually no further need for this disorder in our time and age. Not on a daily basis at least.

I've had struggled with c-PTSD since childhood.
We are literally hardwired to develop this disorder for protection, it's actually a normal function of our brain.
So how am I supposed to battle this exactly?

Ancient functions of our brain interfere negatively with our modern society and societal expectations. In these times there is no place for those with a chronic "protection shield - system" and PTSD and it's symptoms srsly fuck up people's lifes.

Rewiring my brain with medication and therapy hasn't worked for me so far, I'm just so tired of this.
It feels like this age, this world, this life has no place for me. I doubt I'd be happier as some bronze age woman. Maybe you're fucked once you get therapy-resistant PTSD idk.

I will never fit in, trauma has changed who I am and I will never get my childhood back. Or the person I would have become without it.
Fighting my own mind feels more and more worthless, how am I supposed to win a battle like this?

A coffin seems like the only place where I could fit in just right.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really tiring and hard to deal with what you are going through, existence is just too cruel and I find it awful how people suffer all through no fault of their own. But anyway best wishes.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

From a fellow CPTSD sufferer I can relate to you so much, I've tried more therapies and medications than you can count and have come out of the other side more weary, exhausted and afraid. We aren't living in hunter gatherer societies anymore where being able to have a fight or flight response was crucial to day to day survival, so it just seems cruel for our bodies to have these responses hardwired in modern times, it's completely unnecessary and unwarranted-ironically posing a barrier to survival and normal functioning.

I cannot offer much except understanding, I know awful it feels to feel alienated from others due to having a traumatic past. It's something no one really understands unless they've lived through it themselves, and it's truly so lonely. Sending you love.

 

[Starry✧･ﾟDaze]

Thank you guys for reading this and thanks for your kind words ♥

From a fellow CPTSD sufferer I can relate to you so much, I've tried more therapies and medications than you can count and have come out of the other side more weary, exhausted and afraid. We aren't living in hunter gatherer societies anymore where being able to have a fight or flight response was crucial to day to day survival, so it just seems cruel for our bodies to have these responses hardwired in modern times, it's completely unnecessary and unwarranted-ironically posing a barrier to survival and normal functioning.

I cannot offer much except understanding, I know awful it feels to feel alienated from others due to having a traumatic past. It's something no one really understands unless they've lived through it themselves, and it's truly so lonely. Sending you love.

@KuriGohan&Kamehameha
Exactly, PTSD patients are prone to a lonely existence. Also, it's so weird and bizarre to fight a disorder that basically just tries to save your life. I can't even be truly mad at it. I can honestly relate to everything you've said, you put it straight to the point.

Thanks for taking your time, for your compassion and sending some love to me.
This was my first own thread-post on this forum and I have tears in my eyes basically the whole time when I'm exploring this site haha

There are so many people that understand these struggles so well and genuinely try to help. Call me weird, but it is really touching somehow idk.

I hope that you and everyone that's suffering in this twisted world will grow wings and find their peace some day ♥

 

[FindingHome]

Flashbacks are the worse. Living with this is HELL! I wish you healing and one day that you find the closure and peace that you need. What's worse are the people that tell you not to think about what happened to you. The flashbacks can come out of nowhere and take over. It's not something that you can just get over. I truly feel it is a death sentence.

 

[Starry✧･ﾟDaze]

Flashbacks are the worse. Living with this is HELL! I wish you healing and one day that you find the closure and peace that you need. What's worse are the people that tell you not to think about what happened to you. The flashbacks can come out of nowhere and take over. It's not something that you can just get over. I truly feel it is a death sentence.

Yes, I could go forward and call it a particularly nasty symptom, but that wouldn't do it any justice.

Just like you said, they come out of nowhere. Suddenly something pulls the trigger and the loop of terror and Trauma repeats itself.
Your soul breaks, again and again and again.
If there really is a hell, few things come close to it like a flashback does.

For me, the worst are those that root in childhood trauma. Very rarely, I have distorted visual hallucinations and delusions in that state. Sometimes minor, sometimes really bad.
One time I almost got hit by a car, because I ran away from something stalking me.

But most of the times, I cry in fear, holding my head, making myself really small on the floor or in bed, just waiting and praying to no one for the flashback, the memories of sound, smell and terror, to disappear.

Flashbacks are the reason some people started to see me as a full fledged "psycho". I wouldn't wish this nightmare upon my worst enemy.

I can't take people seriously who say to "just get over it", "let the past be past".

 

[tinystomps]

To be frank I don't think I'm gonna make it to the end of my lifespan. I'm just delaying the inevitable.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Metoo. It's a curse. Fuck God.

 

[Endoflifecomestoall]

All I can suggest I'd counselling and medication for ptsd may affect si

 

[zombiegirl]

i feel you. cptsd ruined my personality, my social life, my psyche, prolly everything in my life. i haven't stopped grieving my lost childhood and it feels like i just never will. i only hope i can heal to a certain point where it has less an effect on me. you too