Psychosis increasing SI

[phantasmagoria]

I experience many delusions and much schizo thinking and for some reason I keep thinking that one day I will wake up from this nightmare of life magically and everything will be okay. Like, my psychosis has led to false hope, and that false hope is very annoying because logically, it won't lead to anything and no miracle will happen. But still, I wait for "the magical day," indefinitely, but nothing but disappointment comes. It's like I have an abusive relationship with hope. Has anybody else experienced something similar?