Psychodelic drugs to avoid CTB

[nozomu]

Still really struggling with the darkness here. And my partner is becoming irritated and exhausted with my lack of steady recovery.

I want to try psychodelic substances as a last ditch effort to avoid CTB. What would you recommend? (Also I don't need help sourcing just want to hear experiences)

I struggle with CPTSD/RSD most, so I think I'm leaning towards MDMA given what CTs have shown. I also heard it's harder to have a bad trip on it (but still possible).

My partner doesn't seem to want me to do this, but I think he'd be willing to sit for me if I did try them since I explained there's scientific research on this subject and I'd have my shit tested before I use it. Also so I can be safe while doing it.

I would lock up anything that could be used as a method so if there's a come down I wouldn't be able to compulsively CTB (tips on avoiding welcomed, I read taking 5HTP after can help) because I don't want to CTB impulsively


I really need help everyone. I don't know what to do anymore

 

[Sulyya]

I wish I knew more and could help! Maybe one time couldn't hurt? For all that I know it could though.... Therapy, medications, pot etc are not helping? Or moving too slowly?

Mindset/philosophy changes can help also but I don't know anything about your particular struggles that you mentioned.

 

[kindalone]

I always suggest kratom because it's cheap, there's no significant crash or hangover and has very mild withdrawal symptoms. I use it daily and it is helping me through some difficult times. It might also be legal in some states/countries. I don't know if it is effective for your condition though.

 

[guayabas]

with psychedelics you might wanna try microdosing. I tried it for a while but most drugs make my chronic muscle tension worse. I was getting muscle spasms and tension headaches. This is not a typical reaction afaik, my body is just sensitive. I can't do caffeine either.

I do suggest making sure your partner is a safe person to have around as a trip friend. It sounds like you're not feeling super supported by them, you feel pressured to recover, they're on the fence about you trying alternative methods, etc. Do you have any other friends or ppl who could support you through this?

If you do microdosing, you won't need a trip sitter. I didn't experience any psychedelic effects when I tried microdosing. when I take a normal dose, I start feeling happier for a while before any visuals or anything kick in. It felt like that for me, but on a smaller scale. I also think it's supposed to be like an everyday kinda treatment and I wasn't able to do it for longer than a week before my muscle spasms made me stop. So I can't give any info on a LT experience

I hope you're able to find something that helps <3

 

[nozomu]

I wish I knew more and could help! Maybe one time couldn't hurt? For all that I know it could though.... Therapy, medications, pot etc are not helping? Or moving too slowly?

Mindset/philosophy changes can help also but I don't know anything about your particular struggles that you mentioned.

I was in therapy for 12 years and it stopped helping. Tried different therapists too. Meds are just meh. Benzos help me calm down but nothing gets rid of my PTSD/RSD and I don't feel safe enough to try stuff like EMDR. Unfortunately I'm pretty heavily traumatized

Don't think pot would help either I get anxious pretty easily

with psychedelics you might wanna try microdosing. I tried it for a while but most drugs make my chronic muscle tension worse. I was getting muscle spasms and tension headaches. This is not a typical reaction afaik, my body is just sensitive. I can't do caffeine either.

I do suggest making sure your partner is a safe person to have around as a trip friend. It sounds like you're not feeling super supported by them, you feel pressured to recover, they're on the fence about you trying alternative methods, etc. Do you have any other friends or ppl who could support you through this?

If you do microdosing, you won't need a trip sitter. I didn't experience any psychedelic effects when I tried microdosing. when I take a normal dose, I start feeling happier for a while before any visuals or anything kick in. It felt like that for me, but on a smaller scale. I also think it's supposed to be like an everyday kinda treatment and I wasn't able to do it for longer than a week before my muscle spasms made me stop. So I can't give any info on a LT experience

I hope you're able to find something that helps <3

Which ones did you microdose?

Also he is safe for me to be around, I trust him and he apologized for this morning when he was frustrated with me. He said he just feels frustrated because he doesn't know how to help me sometimes, and said it wasn't right to act frustrated with me.

 

[nozomu]

I always suggest kratom because it's cheap, there's no significant crash or hangover and has very mild withdrawal symptoms. I use it daily and it is helping me through some difficult times. It might also be legal in some states/countries. I don't know if it is effective for your condition though.

I don't do well on opiates (extreme nausea and poor reaction) so I think it wouldn't do well for me, but I'm glad it helps you

 

[western_heart]

ketamine has been the biggest help for me for CPTSD, I think it's gentler for a first time experience than most serotonergic psychedelics. It has helped me tremendously with processing things that have happened to me. I started out doing research chemical dissociative analogues, and now just get ketamine prescribed for at-home use. It costs more than DIY would for the same dose, but having the prescription makes it harder to overuse and easier to talk about with family.

MDMA was my first drug, it was a very good experience, though it was recreational (I was 23 and going to a club for a friend's birthday). I felt good for days after. I remember walking down the street the following week and everything felt so magical. However I've never noticed a significant change in my own trauma symptoms after I've taken MDMA. I've done MDMA about five times and other ecstasy-like drugs dozens of times, but not since I realized I had/was diagnosed with PTSD.

I really like LSD and it can be helpful but it's something best tried with someone experienced IMO, and (for me) did not actually reduce desire to ctb. I was using it weekly-ish in the few months before my attempt and I think it made me prepare to try to end my life.
Shrooms / 4-AcO-DMT are probably better for a first time psychedelic

 

[manta]

I had a 2g psilocybin mushroom trip in 2020 and it pulled me out of a deep state of depression for a few months. Research and preparation is very important if you're looking to use psychedelics. For me mushroom comedowns have always been very relaxing and the afterglow for the next few days was nice. There are trials out there showing that psilocybin may be effective with PTSD treatment. Having a sitter is important to keep you safe as well.
Hope this helps

 

[guayabas]

Which ones did you microdose?

Also he is safe for me to be around, I trust him and he apologized for this morning when he was frustrated with me. He said he just feels frustrated because he doesn't know how to help me sometimes, and said it wasn't right to act frustrated with me.

I microdosed LSD. I've done shrooms before too, just never microdosed. It's p much the same for me just doesn't last as long as LSD. Still get the muscle spasms.

I'm so glad your partner apologized and of his own free will. Feelings can get overwhelming for me as well and I snap at ppl but I always try to hold myself accountable and let the ppl around me know it wasn't their fault. ppl rarely do the same thing in return for me.

 

[iwantdeath6969]

i've heard of mushrooms being used for things like this. i've thought about microdosing/using them for this intention before in an ongoing way, and i think this would be the only thing that could really work for me as well. mushrooms work by helping you rewire pathways in your brain

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I had an experience with a friend who had this to say (I'm not sure if it's factual or accurate but I'm just echoing what he said); LSD is most consistent with good trips although not as good as mushrooms which have a higher tendency for bad trips.

Again, I'm not sure if this is accurate information. I urge you to do more research on your own. I wish you all the best with your struggles. <3

I had an experience with a friend who had this to say (I'm not sure if it's factual or accurate but I'm just echoing what he said); LSD is most consistent with good trips although not as good as mushrooms which have a higher tendency for bad trips.

Again, I'm not sure if this is accurate information. I urge you to do more research on your own. I wish you all the best with your struggles. <3

Just remembered that I should mention this as it might help you. This substance isn't a psychedelic but has similar effects, it's called DXM (dextromethorphan) - it's common in cough syrups and is OTC in many countries. I had a high 4th plateau experience (Plateaus are a way of classifying DXM intoxication) and I found it was really healing for me and now I am focusing on recovery with much more perspective on life and death than before. I'll link a few resources that can help with being safe while using DXM.

Drug Combinations
Dosage Calculator

 

[LocalAngel]

I had an experience with a friend who had this to say (I'm not sure if it's factual or accurate but I'm just echoing what he said); LSD is most consistent with good trips although not as good as mushrooms which have a higher tendency for bad trips.

Again, I'm not sure if this is accurate information. I urge you to do more research on your own. I wish you all the best with your struggles. <3

Just remembered that I should mention this as it might help you. This substance isn't a psychedelic but has similar effects, it's called DXM (dextromethorphan) - it's common in cough syrups and is OTC in many countries. I had a high 4th plateau experience (Plateaus are a way of classifying DXM intoxication) and I found it was really healing for me and now I am focusing on recovery with much more perspective on life and death than before. I'll link a few resources that can help with being safe while using DXM.

Drug Combinations
Dosage Calculator

DXM is the shit. 3rd plat is great for introspective, yet safe experiences. Think of it as ego death- but being able to only dip your toes into it. Able to come back, as opposed to complete ego death, where you're forced.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

DXM is the shit. 3rd plat is great for introspective, yet safe experiences. Think of it as ego death- but being able to only dip your toes into it. Able to come back, as opposed to complete ego death, where you're forced.

I agree, I had an amazing time on it. It felt as if I was floating through my mind and reality - I was only shown what was hidden to me. Overall amazing experience, first drug experience too which is great.

 

[Sad_Squirrel]

Mdma might lead to a really really tough few weeks or months after, and that is a time where you really want to be on your toes given you want avoid acting compulsively. (DMT, shrooms or lsd don't have that hopeless after effect. If you don't have any prior experience with mdma, I'd avoid it in times where you're tempted to ctb. For some, the long low after can be really low and long, and there's no way to tell beforehand.)
Personally, I've never felt like mdma really changed anything bigger, it has helped dealing with traumas but for me hasn't really been that good of a tool to shape any bigger philosophies or helped me change how I experience being. To me it's good for dealing with what has been and what is, not so much with everything that comes after. So kind of depends what is it you're looking to get out of it. And all of these are pretty subjective, I can only speak on my experience.

Not knowing that much about your particular situation I'd go with shrooms or lsd, or both (I'd wait a few hours after acid before the shrooms before going down that road). I don't really believe in "bad trips", though sometimes it has taken months or even years to process a trip that hasn't gone as planned. For the trips I really have wanted to contemplate whether to catch a bus I've wanted to be alone, to me, a partner feels like a looot of pressure for a situation like this, so my sitter has been on call close by and so far they've gone pretty well so the sitter had no duty, though knew what was going on (about) and kept me company for that weird while between coming down and getting to sleep.

 

[spinningship]

Be careful when taking psychedelics that you are in a safe area that you can stay in for an extended period of time. Set boundaries with the people you are going to take psychedelics with ahead of time. Things like you might not be able to speak but you could agree to give finger signals for things like if you want them to speak with you or not. Often someone with bad vibes can ruin a trip and you can't even communicate properly to get them to stop.

I don't know if bad trips exist to be honest. I personally got psychosis from my first lsd trip but I was in a very bad space mentally already and i'm kind of schizoid. But months after having done it I would say it has lead directly to my recovery, and i'm so much happier than I would be had I not tripped. Was it a bad trip because I got psychosis? Maybe.

 

[didn't-it-rain]

if you're already feeling like shit, be careful with taking full rec doses of psychedelics. they can be life-assuring just as much as they can lead you down some negative thought cycles. however, i only have limited experience. be REALLY careful with edibles however. i think MDMA could be fun if you're doing it with someone you care about, like your partner - regardless of whether they take it with you or not - less chance of a bad trip as it's not a proper psychedelic. do NOT sleep on the vitamin regimen though and be prepared that you're gonna quite possibly have a bad comedown anyway. good luck to you!

 

[oneeyed]

Try researching into clinics that do trials. Since you have experience with therapy and conventional meds with little success, you may qualify to participate. Then it's in a safe environment with doctors nearby guiding you. Food for thought.

 

[SorrowfulDrugUser]

I've experimented with almost all compounds you can think of at this point. Anything from Marijuana to OxyContin and Codeine and everything in between. I just love the different and unique perspectives they give me. Thankfully never had troubles with addiction or anything like that. MDMA is a really solid compound in terms of helping with low mental state. Assuming you've done your own research on the compound. I don't see why you shouldn't. Just make sure you don't have any underlying mental health issues like underlying Schizophrenia as Psychedelics tend to bring that out. I think the only acceptable mental health circumstance to take it with is Depression and Anxiety as that's exactly what Ecstasy helps treat. Please test your MDMA too as it's very often laced with Methamphetamine and other shitty fillers.

 

[nozomu]

Try researching into clinics that do trials. Since you have experience with therapy and conventional meds with little success, you may qualify to participate. Then it's in a safe environment with doctors nearby guiding you. Food for thought.

With all due respect I've been trying to get into CTs for years and I don't think one is going to open up to me any time soon, which is why I'm asking on a suicide website lol.... Things are kinda bad to be in my position

 

[oneeyed]

With all due respect I've been trying to get into CTs for years and I don't think one is going to open up to me any time soon, which is why I'm asking on a suicide website lol.... Things are kinda bad to be in my position

Fair enough, just thought I'd put it that out there. If you are to try magic mushrooms, I believe in most countries, getting the spores to grow them is perfectly legal but somehow illegal to buy them directly lol. I don't know how long it takes to grow though.

 

[ivzxkou]

it's hard to say. i've done dissos and psychedelics and the trips are wildly different each time, just depends on the mindset you go in with. i've gotten REALLY damn close to CTB on an acid trip because the emotional pain became overwhelming so just... be careful i guess.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

it's hard to say. i've done dissos and psychedelics and the trips are wildly different each time, just depends on the mindset you go in with. i've gotten REALLY damn close to CTB on an acid trip because the emotional pain became overwhelming so just... be careful i guess.

I've heard doing psychs when you're feeling down is just a recipe for disaster although I've never tried them so I wouldn't know myself had a trip off some dissociates a while back while being really excited and had an amazing trip.

Do you think it was a bad mood that affected the trip or something else? I'd lose to do acid or shrooms in the future so I'm keen to learn more from those with experience.

 

[scarscarscar]

Be careful, warping the mind might not be the best bet. You need it unwarped for being productive at a job etc. they are very good at instigating a break from reality.

 

[ivzxkou]

I've heard doing psychs when you're feeling down is just a recipe for disaster although I've never tried them so I wouldn't know myself had a trip off some dissociates a while back while being really excited and had an amazing trip.

Do you think it was a bad mood that affected the trip or something else? I'd lose to do acid or shrooms in the future so I'm keen to learn more from those with experience.

the way i've experienced it , it was definitely just a bad mood. for me acid in particular will exaggerate all emotions, good and bad, so it's SUPER important to be somewhere safe and comfortable and ideally have a sober trip sitter. especially if it's your first time. taking it alone hoping it will cure depression or give you some sort of life altering experience is silly and might end up with a really botched attempt to CTB at worst or developing paranoia symptoms at best. depending how low you are lol

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

the way i've experienced it , it was definitely just a bad mood. for me acid in particular will exaggerate all emotions, good and bad, so it's SUPER important to be somewhere safe and comfortable and ideally have a sober trip sitter. especially if it's your first time. taking it alone hoping it will cure depression or give you some sort of life altering experience is silly and might end up with a really botched attempt to CTB at worst or developing paranoia symptoms at best. depending how low you are lol

Alright thank you, definitely not a miracle cure but I found it can help me so I'm willing to try it again.

 

[nosoul]

My present desire to ctb was due to my excess use of dmt, I would say it may help initially but I kept blasting and now am unable to feel hunger or sleep, I have no emotions or my response is delayed. I've been only eating because I know I have to and sleeping only with the aid of klonopin.

Lsd and shrooms are safer I believe due to a natural tolerance you develop.

Whatever I did with dmt it screwed up my ability to feel cannabis or cigarettes. I just feel so trapped regarding ctb right now. Pets also and I'm all alone:(

 

[itsallpointless]

5meo DMT, if you can find a facilitator.

 

[QiTianDaSheng]

ketamine has been the biggest help for me for CPTSD, I think it's gentler for a first time experience than most serotonergic psychedelics. It has helped me tremendously with processing things that have happened to me. I started out doing research chemical dissociative analogues, and now just get ketamine prescribed for at-home use. It costs more than DIY would for the same dose, but having the prescription makes it harder to overuse and easier to talk about with family.

Wow, you get it prescribed. Jealous.
In which country?

I was amazed to see how much the NHS in Uk charges for ketamine treatment. Very stingy doses, half a grand a visit. No thanks.

But I do miss ketamine, it helps me a lot. I once accidentally had 100g of the stuff, and went psychonauting daily. It helped in many ways, but obviously all things in moderation. Which that wasn't.

It's been nearly a year now though, and I'm on this forum thinking of throwing in the towel... Coincidence?

Oh, and agreed. DMT is savage. I screwed myself up hard with that in my early 20s. Now people sell it in vape cartridges. Terrifying really.

Microdosing shrooms can help, but its not been as useful as ketamine in my opinion.
Also re: MDMA.
It's awesome for connecting with people, and seeing the good in the world. Sure. For like 8 hours.
After that you have the direct comedown, and then suicide-Tuesday a few days later.
I have some here I'm wary to take in the current mood, because I have no one to share the high with and nothing to distract from the low. Not recommended to avoid ctb (although connecting with partner, maybe).

Also re shrooms/acid when depressed. Can confirm, taking when suicidal made me more suicidal a couple of weeks back. It was an unnecessary ordeal.

 

[sunshiningbackwards]

Oh, and agreed. DMT is savage. I screwed myself up hard with that in my early 20s. Now people sell it in vape cartridges. Terrifying really.

some ass wipe pulled out this vape while I was sitting outside at a show a couple months ago and offered it to me and I was like "sativa or indica?" thinking it was a THC vape and he was like "DMT" and I told him to fuck off. If I hadn't asked what it was this dumb son of a bitch would have given a total stranger a DMT blastoff with absolutely no context. I hope that guy got run over

 

[western_heart]

Wow, you get it prescribed. Jealous.
In which country?

USA. I pay about $300/month total. Highest portion of that cost is the doctors (telehealth) visit which was actually less often than monthly, until I attempted and now my doctor wants to see me more often for now. The drug itself is about $50/month. He writes my other psych med prescriptions too and those are covered by insurance.