Psilocybin and suicidal relief

[fightingforchoice]

I thought I'd just offer my experience with Psilocybin last night to see if anyone has experienced similar.

I have a list of 'things to try before you let yourself die'. As obviously I'd rather recover and live happily than CBT. A high dose mushroom trip was on the list.

I am fairly well seasoned with psychedelics, though I've been scared to do anything but microdose since falling into a deep depression at the start of this year in case it made me worse. Anyway, as things aren't lifting for me no matter what I do - I went in for it last night.

The first few hours were difficult, I felt like i was being (gently and kindly) told off by the mushrooms for wanting to die . I had SN on order and I cancelled it. I planned to confess to my family what I had planned, to apologise and say I was committed to getting better.

I then had a few blissful hours of 'normal'/ positive thinking - which I haven't experienced for months and months, since becoming depressed. My past was in the past, I saw how much I had to look forward to, I was overcome with gratitude with what I have going for me.

I've tried to reach this place on my own of course, but there's no way I could have got there without this intervention. It felt so good to sit back and have my brain be reset in this way without all the fight and the futile force.

What a relief.

Today has been rocky. I felt like my higher self has reminded me of the light that is there. But I've felt my old depressive and suicidal thinking trying to pull me back down.

Recovery is possible but i don't feel like I have the strength or courage to get there, after so long in the dark.

I'd love to know if anyone else has had any similar experiences, whether on psychedelics or not x

 

[deathxo]

It's really great & kinda amazing that the mushrooms were able to provide this kind of positivity to you!
Last time I got drunk I wondered if I could get through life if I was high in some capacity all the time I know not the greatest idea but why the demonizing of drugs & why all the pressure to be sober all the time, when drugs could really help with day to day living.

Recovering & not falling back into the suicidal spiral has to be one of the hardest things. Especially when you've been living with the ideation for a decent amount of time. Reverting to the idea of death & non-existence becomes such a safe & cozy place to stay in.

 

[fightingforchoice]

It's really great & kinda amazing that the mushrooms were able to provide this kind of positivity to you!
Last time I got drunk I wondered if I could get through life if I was high in some capacity all the time I know not the greatest idea but why the demonizing of drugs & why all the pressure to be sober all the time, when drugs could really help with day to day living.

Recovering & not falling back into the suicidal spiral has to be one of the hardest things. Especially when you've been living with the ideation for a decent amount of time. Reverting to the idea of death & non-existence becomes such a safe & cozy place to stay in.

so true, it's made me think I should succumb to anti-depressents even though I'm quite against them . Though I doubt they'd give the same effect! Im sadly right back into suicidal ideation this evening :(

 

[deathxo]

Have you tried anti depressants before?
My mind just rejects the idea of therapy or medication, I've just convinced myself life will still be hard, miserable & unsuffurable so why add on to others' financial burden by even trying!

Sorry to hear that you're back to it :( Your descriptions of your trip gave me really nice, warm feelings.
But we just keep coming back to this :( Which is why I try not to even let myself entertain hope much anymore. It's all kinds of fucked up on the inside man.

 

[InLoveWithAGhost]

Anti-depressants definitely do NOT give the same effect as shrooms lmao, it's more like having a blanket put over top of your depression/having its metaphorical voice coming from another room. This is making me wish I had tried shrooms when they were offered to me...

 

[moondazed]

I tend to do psychedelics once or twice a year, as a way of resetting my brain when I start to inevitably feel robotic. Last time was on new years, and it really helped me start healing from grieving the loss of someone very close to me.

I think psychedelics have a ton of value in dealing with difficult emotions and traumas. I'm glad the world is opening their minds to it as a potential therapeutic and even simply as a recreational option.

Obviously they can exacerbate problems if you aren't careful or are predisposed to certain more extreme psych issues. I think it's important to respect their power and not take it for granted.

 

[fightingforchoice]

Have you tried anti depressants before?
My mind just rejects the idea of therapy or medication, I've just convinced myself life will still be hard, miserable & unsuffurable so why add on to others' financial burden by even trying!

Sorry to hear that you're back to it :( Your descriptions of your trip gave me really nice, warm feelings.
But we just keep coming back to this :( Which is why I try not to even let myself entertain hope much anymore. It's all kinds of fucked up on the inside man.

I have tried prozac but only for about 3 weeks, I really didn't like the idea of being on it and it didn't help. But I know I didn't give it long enough.

I think before you kill yourself , therapy and medication is a must. We've got to try it all!

I've realised my brain is addicted to these negative thought patterns and there is another way out, but theyre so deeply ingrained its going to be very hard

Anti-depressants definitely do NOT give the same effect as shrooms lmao, it's more like having a blanket put over top of your depression/having its metaphorical voice coming from another room. This is making me wish I had tried shrooms when they were offered to me...

thank you , this is really helpful. Guess I'll just stick to big trips and microdosing because I really don't like the idea of medication!

I tend to do psychedelics once or twice a year, as a way of resetting my brain when I start to inevitably feel robotic. Last time was on new years, and it really helped me start healing from grieving the loss of someone very close to me.

I think psychedelics have a ton of value in dealing with difficult emotions and traumas. I'm glad the world is opening their minds to it as a potential therapeutic and even simply as a recreational option.

Obviously they can exacerbate problems if you aren't careful or are predisposed to certain more extreme psych issues. I think it's important to respect their power and not take it for granted.

That's great to hear. Do you feel the effects stay with you for some time?

 

[real human being]

If you ask me, it's stupid that psychedelics are banned and demonized while antidepressants are handed out like candy by psychiatrists, when antidepressants cause emotional numbing for a majority of users, cause various mental and physical short term and long term side effects (for two examples of long term effects google pssd and brain zaps), and cause withdrawal that can make them very difficult to quit.

 

[moondazed]

That's great to hear. Do you feel the effects stay with you for some time?

I'm usually in a dreamy state for a day or two after, then sober reality kicks in, but I'm more mellow and mindful for awhile and sometimes motivated to pick up good habits