Help probably not gonna CTB rn but sure want to

[ghostspace]

I don't know why I thought I could do another year. My eating disorder controls me, I have to isolate myself from everyone so my BPD doesn't affect people, I'm never going to know what it's like to truly be close with someone. I have SN and meto, I don't think it matters if it's tonight or tomorrow or years from now because everyone I care about will be devastated either way, and if I stay alive I'm just hurting them and burdening them more.

Right now, everything is unbearable. I can't stop self-sabotaging and it's mentally and physically painful to fail over and over and over again when I'm trying as hard as I can. I contribute literally nothing to the world and I can't feel anything but the intensity of everything on me at once.

I'm tempted to just mix it and look at it and have it close to me. I want to feel as close to death as possible.

 

[faraway_beach]

Do you remember all the loving kindness that you spread yesterday to people who felt that they didn't deserve it? Don't forget yourself! You made a lot of people happier, even if just a little bit for a little while, that's still an achievement!

 

[bpdteacher]

I can't offer advice but wanted to let you know I feel roughly the same right now. I have bpd too, I feel the same fears, you're not alone. Sending love. X

 

[ghostspace]

Do you remember all the loving kindness that you spread yesterday to people who felt that they didn't deserve it? Don't forget yourself! You made a lot of people happier, even if just a little bit for a little while, that's still an achievement!

I love everyone so deeply and so much. That always, always stands, I never run out of love for others.

I can't deal with myself, I can't escape BPD, my emotions and feelings can change so quickly that it's like being tied to the back of a truck and dragged along a high speed car chase, getting pulled in all directions across asphalt. This is totally going to sound dramatic later, but that's absolutely what it feels like right now.

 

[the box is empty]

I love everyone so deeply and so much. That always, always stands, I never run out of love for others.

I can't deal with myself, I can't escape BPD, my emotions and feelings can change so quickly that it's like being tied to the back of a truck and dragged along a high speed car chase, getting pulled in all directions across asphalt. This is totally going to sound dramatic later, but that's absolutely what it feels like right now.

It sounds exhausting.

If you or anyone want to vent, I'm here.

 

[porfin1234]

This really speaks to me.
You aren't alone. And I respectfully challenge the thought that you don't contribute to the world. You said you have a lot of love for people. That's really sweet and with that attitude alone I bet you've brought joy to others. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. That in of itself can help others who may feel the same.

 

[noaccount]

I'm sorry that's happening. Is it informative or helpful for you to think of your suffering as a disorder of the personality bordering between neurosis and psychosis? Are there other ways you've thought of it?

 

[streams20]

You are loved

 

[Marktheghost]

Is BPD bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder, or something else entirely?

And I agree with what other people have said. The fact that you have so much love for other people is strong evidence that you do contribute something to the world.

 

[ghostspace]

Borderline personality disorder. The only treatment is learning to hide it and act normally, basically, so I'm going to feel this way forever, but nobody will be able to tell. It's really hard to think about.

Thank you all for the love, I'm really struggling this month.

 

[bpdteacher]

Borderline personality disorder. The only treatment is learning to hide it and act normally, basically, so I'm going to feel this way forever, but nobody will be able to tell. It's really hard to think about.

Thank you all for the love, I'm really struggling this month.

If it helps at all, statistically you're likely to find the symptoms improve with age. I think it's something like over 80% no longer meet the diagnostic criteria 10 years after diagnosis... Off the top of my head.

I'm holding on to the hope that my 40s will be my best decade.

 

[Viena]

[QUOTE = "a caixa está vazia, postagem: 638260, membro: 16024"]
Parece cansativo. : aw:

Se você ou alguém quiser desabafar, estou aqui.
[/CITAR]
Ola
Preciso CTB, nao suporto mais me ajudem a desaparecer desse mundo