Story Previously good life

[In2TheVoid]

I don't think my story is necessarily representative of most here, I have actually been extremely lucky throughout most of my life but the one thing that has always plagued me is a pathological gambling addiction involving cryptocurrency.

Worked all year and made enough $$$ to live the life I wanted for the next 10, but the cumulative stress of 2020 + prescription amphetamines sent me into a manic episode. Lost all my money in a delusional state, which wouldn't have been the worst except for the fact that it's happened 5/6 times now (have lost >$500K at today's ETH prices) and this time it broke something in me psychologically... I am stuck in a severe "dorsal vagal" state, which basically feels like being dead already, and I seem to have given myself brain damage of some kind.... I feel so bad for my family and girlfriend, they have been very supportive but it's been months now and I haven't gotten better... I so badly want to be done with this life and so badly don't want to hurt them... I am so tired

I am tortured and haunted by images of the life I "should have" lived, and the one that I would be living now if I had done nothing, if people around me had known more about manic episodes, if I myself had recognized it, if I had taken better steps to prevent myself from gambling.

I am trying to get enough comments etc so that people can DM me... I am trying to get A's email address for N but am having trouble purchasing the latest PPeH due to age

 

[roguetrader]

Welcome to my life haha.
I've traded stocks and options for almost 30 years now and I can understand how it feels. Been through it dozens of times and have seen highs and lows. The pain can be unimaginable at times......

 

[Nolen]

I would avoid living in the "would have/ could have world". For every good opportunity that you missed there probably also was a bad one and good things like a lot of money or a relationship can also lead to bad things happening so there is no way to really know where you would have ended up. Focus on the present and yeah you might still end up with the conclusion that everything is shit but at least your not unnecessary torturing yourself with these mind games.