preparing to ctb tonight

[kittyswift]

hello again! i feel like im posting too much on this site. but not for long! if you didn't read my earlier post, i collected my SN today. originally i thought i would wait before taking it because there are a few things i needed to do. But the moment just feels right. i spent a few hours writing my notes, cleaning and gathering everything i will need. the things i was going to do aren't going to matter if im dead so i figured why not? i have everything set out for when im found and the last thing i really need to do is actually drink it. im worried about the taste. im hoping to just take it in one quick gulp and then have some gum or something to help with the taste. ive taken some propranolol to help with my heart racing. im dressed in comfortable clothes, all black of course! now i just need to work up the courage to actually drink it. its weird isnt it? i can finally be free and all i have to do is drink this drink but its also the hardest thing i have ever had to do. Would appreciate it if people could keep my company during my last few hours :) any advice for the taste? thats honestly my biggest worry right now

 

[Adûnâi]

Are you going to be lying down? Because I thought sitting on the floor would be more epic, but imagine losing consciousness and boinking your head, would be awkward :(

 

[CantDoIt]

hello again! i feel like im posting too much on this site. but not for long! if you didn't read my earlier post, i collected my SN today. originally i thought i would wait before taking it because there are a few things i needed to do. But the moment just feels right. i spent a few hours writing my notes, cleaning and gathering everything i will need. the things i was going to do aren't going to matter if im dead so i figured why not? i have everything set out for when im found and the last thing i really need to do is actually drink it. im worried about the taste. im hoping to just take it in one quick gulp and then have some gum or something to help with the taste. ive taken some propranolol to help with my heart racing. im dressed in comfortable clothes, all black of course! now i just need to work up the courage to actually drink it. its weird isnt it? i can finally be free and all i have to do is drink this drink but its also the hardest thing i have ever had to do. Would appreciate it if people could keep my company during my last few hours :) any advice for the taste? thats honestly my biggest worry right now

I hope you find the peace you're looking for. For the taste, some people recommend eating a chocolate or gum or something to numb the mouth first.

 

[kittyswift]

Are you going to be lying down? Because I thought sitting on the floor would be more epic, but imagine losing consciousness and boinking your head, would be awkward :(

i was thinking of just laying in bed. definitely don't want to boink my head haha
this is so unimportant but i think its funny to mention im wearing all black but wearing purple fuzzy socks im going out in style!!

 

[maniac116]

I hope you have a peaceful transition

 

[Adûnâi]

My favourite colour used to be green, but over the years I've started loving purple more, purple socks definitely look nice.

Do you have specific dreams of an afterlife? Or would you rather choose non-existence, if possible? (OR maybe existence, but on a higher plane, so not as annoying?)

(Of course, I hope your travels are very safe and blemishless, that goes without saying!)

 

[kittyswift]

My favourite colour used to be green, but over the years I've started loving purple more, purple socks definitely look nice.

Do you have specific dreams of an afterlife? Or would you rather choose non-existence, if possible? (OR maybe existence, but on a higher plane, so not as annoying?)

(Of course, I hope your travels are very safe and blemishless, that goes without saying!)

i hope theres something better for me because its really miserable to think that this is it. i find it hard to believe there is but its nice to hope i guess. i find it hard to think about me never existing to begin with, i just wish things turned out differently

 

[GuessWhosBack]

i hope theres something better for me because its really miserable to think that this is it. i find it hard to believe there is but its nice to hope i guess. i find it hard to think about me never existing to begin with, i just wish things turned out differently

This is pretty much how I see my life and existence, too. I'm sorry your life led you here. If in any case you have doubts, there's always tomorrow.

Whatever you choose, though, I hope is what's best for you.

 

[Adûnâi]

i hope theres something better for me because its really miserable to think that this is it.

I absolutely concur, so at least you're not the only one thinking that. It may not be a democracy, but a vote is a vote^^

 

[kittyswift]

if im being honest im actually really scared. im scared something will go wrong. im scared im going to die alone- which i know i am but its just i have felt alone for the majority of my life and in an ideal world i wouldnt die alone. but obviously this is far from an ideal world and i think i just have to be grateful that im going to die today

 

[Valhala]

hello again! i feel like im posting too much on this site. but not for long! if you didn't read my earlier post, i collected my SN today. originally i thought i would wait before taking it because there are a few things i needed to do. But the moment just feels right. i spent a few hours writing my notes, cleaning and gathering everything i will need. the things i was going to do aren't going to matter if im dead so i figured why not? i have everything set out for when im found and the last thing i really need to do is actually drink it. im worried about the taste. im hoping to just take it in one quick gulp and then have some gum or something to help with the taste. ive taken some propranolol to help with my heart racing. im dressed in comfortable clothes, all black of course! now i just need to work up the courage to actually drink it. its weird isnt it? i can finally be free and all i have to do is drink this drink but its also the hardest thing i have ever had to do. Would appreciate it if people could keep my company during my last few hours :) any advice for the taste? thats honestly my biggest worry right now

As far as taste neutralization is concerned, mention is made of chewing gum after swallowing, mouthwash and sucking on an ice cube.

 

[kittyswift]

As far as taste neutralization is concerned, mention is made of chewing gum after swallowing, mouthwash and sucking on an ice cube.

okay thank you i have some chewing gum and a chaser (dr pepper my beloved) hopefully this will be enough
i think im going to give myself another hour or so before i drink it. its funny that time seems to be flying by right now. life really is short? im scared

 

[genoke]

Maybe me too.

 

[kittyswift]

Me too. I just got banned from chat for something that isn't true about me... I made a small mistake to the wrong guy and I got nuked. I can't cope. It's gotta be tonight.

maybe ill see you on the other side :)

 

[Adûnâi]

im scared something will go wrong. im scared im going to die alone

Technically everyone dies alone, and if you mean emotional support, then some folks have known you here, so it's not much worse, or even better, as most people would not support you like that. It's honestly super cool to see what's on the other side, and without nasty things like suffering for years more.

 

[kittyswift]

im getting really tired from the meds i took to try snd calm down. ive got to do it soon before i fall asleep hahah. im just so scared

 

[Kurai]

Good luck and wishing you peace

 

[sorrowful]

if im being honest im actually really scared. im scared something will go wrong. im scared im going to die alone- which i know i am but its just i have felt alone for the majority of my life and in an ideal world i wouldnt die alone. but obviously this is far from an ideal world and i think i just have to be grateful that im going to die today

Don't feel the need to rush it if you're not quite ready yet. But if you're sure, then I can only hope that you find peace. Sending love, and best wishes in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Safe travels and good luck! I hope you find eternal peace!

I wish you all the best whatever you decide to do.

 

[rozeske]

I wasn't expecting you to go through it so soon but if it's what you want I hope you have thought it through and this isn't rushed. I wish you a peaceful journey

 

[Valhala]

Постајем стварно уморан од лекова које сам узимао да бих покушао да се смирим. Морам то да урадим ускоро пре него што заспим хахах. баш сам уплашен

Write us what is happening with you tonight and know that whatever you decide you have the full support of many members here. Good luck in any case.

 

[scubadam]

hello again! i feel like im posting too much on this site. but not for long! if you didn't read my earlier post, i collected my SN today. originally i thought i would wait before taking it because there are a few things i needed to do. But the moment just feels right. i spent a few hours writing my notes, cleaning and gathering everything i will need. the things i was going to do aren't going to matter if im dead so i figured why not? i have everything set out for when im found and the last thing i really need to do is actually drink it. im worried about the taste. im hoping to just take it in one quick gulp and then have some gum or something to help with the taste. ive taken some propranolol to help with my heart racing. im dressed in comfortable clothes, all black of course! now i just need to work up the courage to actually drink it. its weird isnt it? i can finally be free and all i have to do is drink this drink but its also the hardest thing i have ever had to do. Would appreciate it if people could keep my company during my last few hours :) any advice for the taste? thats honestly my biggest worry right now

hey! could you tell something about yourself so we can remember you by them? maybe something you liked doing, the type of music you liked listening to, your favorite book or a movie? wish you a safe and swift journey

 

[Praestat_Mori]

im getting really tired from the meds i took to try snd calm down. ive got to do it soon before i fall asleep hahah. im just so scared

How do you feel? Are you still with us?

 

[kittyswift]

im still here! i have just been staring at the drink trying to make myself pick it up. my hands are shaking

 

[fvckfamily]

estou ficando muito cansado dos remédios que tomei para tentar me acalmar. tenho que fazer isso logo antes de dormir hahah. estou com tanto medo

I gonna ctb tonight too My friend

 

[complex]

im still here! i have just been staring at the drink trying to make myself pick it up. my hands are shaking

Try to breath and relax and if u are unsure never think u can't just stop and enjoy the breathing and sedation instead??

 

[rozeske]

im still here! i have just been staring at the drink trying to make myself pick it up. my hands are shaking

We are here with you. If it doesn't feel right, it's ok to just dump the drink for now. There's always next time.

 

[kittyswift]

its done. burnt like hell while going down but i finally did it. this will probably be my final update. im going to lay jn bed and try and just slip away while listening to music. thank you all for accompanying me tonight, or whatever time it is in your area. it means the world :) thank you all for the kind wishes. kittyswift over and out!!

 

[syde44]

The use of a beta blocker is no longer recommended in PPEH because it slows the heart rate and therefore the chances of losing consciousness quickly as well, which may give time to feel more side effects. Tachycardia is certainly not pleasant but absolutely not painful, unlike the symptoms of methemoglobinemia, which are more and more unpleasant, which is why you have to hope to lose consciousness very quickly and a beta blocker risks making the process longer.

 

[complex]

its done. burnt like hell while going down but i finally did it. this will probably be my final update. im going to lay jn bed and try and just slip away while listening to music. thank you all for accompanying me tonight, or whatever time it is in your area. it means the world :) thank you all for the kind wishes. kittyswift over and out!!

Xxxxxxxxxx i hope you find peace xxxxxxxxX