Hi,
www.change.org
I am still here but each day making more and more peace with myself that I have to go because damages to myself/my life(overall big picture) are irreperable x not recoverable. They royally messed up bcuz of how 'system' works, how some doctors 'work'/distrust patients/know 'the best' and are smartest(even when in the end patient is right and was right all along).
My deluded GP not only failed to treat my condition(severe disability of feet which wasresult of previous medically indicated treatment). She been, as it turns out, fooling and deceiving, misleading whole lot of NHS/other healthcare people about my mental status, what is inside my head x my ideas, and about surgery which she represented as 'cosmetic' and that includes created by her false allegations of childhood abuse where I was 21 yo adult withoutt any signs of abuse. To make matters worse she represented it/with participating in my abuse hospital and its staff willingly part-taking activity in 'the game' of hers(she is sick with MUNCHAUSEN by proxy aka healthcarer disease/medical abuse and she has high attention seeking needs/act like 'saviour/helper' needs arising from her profession) as 'my disclosure'-where I haven't known about that and behinnd my back, behind my records she painted some 'fairytale fantasy story' about who I am on inside, my dreams and plans/needs/wants, she misrrepresented my family as some sort of pathology where I had most happy and loving childhood, she been fooling other ppl about my physical health leading to other drs denying referrals, surgical referrals, refusal of letters to claim benefits x seek housing, seek private physiotherapy as they were going on 'lowest' possible help her line.
They led me to critical status. I am fully, entireely non functional and husk of former self. The daily tasks/errands that normal person would wrap up and do in 1hour-it takes me 3 hours. The tasks normal person would do(and me in past, before they neglected me to current level due to their own comforts) in one day, I need like 2 weeks to achieve-because its how bad it is.
She been as recently aas this year continuing with her obsession/attention seeking from other healthcare ppl-fooling them about my behaviour x life needs. The neglect of hers towards mee is so bad that I am effectively out of working capacity, there is no realistic chances I will work even in part time job in near future as I need fully to re-qualify to do some sort of sit down job as neglect is about my lower limbs. DUe to failures to treat chronic pain altogether I developed 2 neurological pain conditions-I scream in night to pillow x 4 ppl moved out of my housing unable to deal with my condtion and pain(you can call them secondary victims).
I try my best to hold on but I had job I loved, pet I loved, and she took it all away. She has been obsessed over my person after grooming me as 21yo kiddo(legally adult, mentally naive x gullible x prone to suggestion kid) where I was so trustworthy and I trusted her, she been brainwashing me with body-related psychiatric diagnoses(started out in 2014 as body dysphoria, then in 2020 she started to suggest to me that I am transgender)-over 9 years she had excessive access to me she sexually molested me dozens of times under treatment disguises(for major part it was her touching my chest/breasts/slipping her hands under my shirt and asking me how I feel/how it feels) and in last 3years(2020-2023) when she deteriorated x her obsession grow stronger to 'help me' she started to convince me I am transgender, brainwash me with trans ideologies(where I was my whole life girl x am girl and never been or felt anybody else but girl). She was forcing me to go around and seek therapist and to say other doctors I have those issues she was imposing on me with her disorder(to make it look like its coming out of me/its my problem where she was coercilvelly controlling me and imposing self on me). She fed me antipsychotic meds to sedate me and facilitate vaginally fingering(violently raping) me on at least 5 occasions. The suffering she has caused me with her growing needs and growing 'help me' obsession(in wrong ways, bcuz she was imposing her ideas on me x inducing illnesses and symptoms in me and faking/fabricating my records aka fabricating symptoms) is unmeasurable and I can;t stand it anymore. I lost everything in life I genuinely worked for and that includes good and happy career(well, not most successful but I had life purpose, team, sense of belonging and routine and purpose in life and I was happy in that job, really, really happy). With excessive access to me x my state being so vulnerable due to pain disorder and my mind being weak, she convinced me job is place of stress, place of all issues and problems, began convincing me to work for nhs. She ended everything.
Side effects of antipsychotics aggrevated x made worse pre existing condition to point I had to give away my beloved fur daughter, my cat.
I am currently all alone in life, without friends or purpose, as isolated as you can imagine. No own family x am not sure now how and when I will start my own family if I literraly flip at ppl trying to touch me. My trauma is bigger than any therapy NHS offers and especially that past NHS therapy experience is part of problem(currently I have court ordererd MHTR sessions with as well nhs psychologist but its like lottery-this time I landed good x professional and skilled, trained person)-like chances within NHS of landing right person x good professional whio cares are about 2-4%. NHS is crisis bcuz doctors fuel crisis themselves with laziness, comfy post seeking and overall culture of 'comfortable and negligent' attitude to their profession(the older doctor, the more likely they ignorant, dismissive, denying help, beaurocratic and careless). Often few associated doctors harm actively one patient where they prey upon vulnerable and unsuspecting people/kinda collude agianst patient to keep own jobs x pays x bonuses safe.
SO I am kinda ready to go. I booked trip just before x-mas to see my family. I am going for 2 weeks to spend with them before I do final decision. I am awaiting outcomes of Police/NHS investigations but I am not raising my hopes up. Odds of them fixing it up(where I will never function again in any semi normal, working normal way) are about 5-15%. I say so low, becuase I will need years of therapy, I will need now more surgeries to fix neglect, I will need surgeries and extra tests done to assess and fix damages caused by wrong medications given(they kinda play hit and miss lottery with diagnoses and meds-some GPs and they refuse to listen to you because 'you just patient x no medical degree stupid persona).
How I prep them x current psychologist who looks after me for my suicide? My family obviously loves me, is hurt by all ordeal as I only recently fully tolld them what they did to me, and they say 'do not talk like that' and that psychologist she actually cares. She cares, and she talks in caring way, her behaviour and face says she cares. SHe is one of really small % of NHS side that I can say is good and caring. How I lessen their hurt x how prepare them? My family and psychologist.
I think she is either same age as me/slightly older. How I make her not feel like 'she failed me' because I only met her almost 4 months ago and when I met her I was 'gone already' due to NHS failures x all over place wrongful, years acting activity and due to their lies and how royally they messed up. She is so young and really good and skilled and trained, and she cares and is empathetic. I do NOT want to break her and her career with my suicide during/shortly after our sessions end and that will be outcome if NHS doesn't fully admit liability and pay up for their failures x this specific ex GP delusional activity/her own mental disorder.
How I do not break her? Any ideas? I think she can help so many people who system and life hurt, she is really honest, genuine and admits own mistakes and getting things wrong/or when we clash because of my past trauma and I can have open dialogue with her(contrary topast one sided conversations with ex GP who was flying in her delusions and totally detached from MY LIFE reality and needs/help I needed and what other professionals said-that ex GP affectiveluy denied me surgical referrals where orthopaedic specialist said I will need more operations, stated it in letters repeatedly and said my condition is so serious amputation was in talks)-so rare those days in people, especially in NHS-that psychologist. She is so good. What do I do??
I thought written card, memory photo, socks and maybe a book? I really do not want to break her career, break her inside(in a way my career and life purpose was broken) becuase my understanding is that its psychologist job to fix people mentally/make stronger and able to move on and push through life and patient commiting suicide will be kinda opposite of her job goal/target. Just I can;t do this anymore. That ex GP activity lasted too long and caused too much harm, scarred and traumatized me to unbearable levels, and I have lost everything I worked for and my future-my career built up from scratch, from bottom and my cat. DO not say there is recover x rebuilding because there is none. In past 7 years I have been alive x surviving only because of being recipent of student loans and past 4.5+ years I barely work/barely manage. Financially I am broken, no more student loans money, and obviously I failed degree obtaining becuase univeristy was helping in exact same way as NHS-Just abuse x delusional staff worrying own posts and overworked ppl taking on more students than they can help to and serve.
It's almost 8 years I spend fortune on transport(this is how bad my mobility is) and Uber trips. On TA food/pre preapared meals because I can;t manage. In all of that-almost 8 years I haven;t been given any letters to obtain benefits, haven;t been given help and support to obtain social council housing but was sent over to useless outpatient physiotherapists(where my condition requires manual physiotherapy and years lasting x regular), useless occupational health(where they tried to solve problem with 'better shoes; where I been spending fortune on special shoes past 13 years and now i am more towards wheelchair/permanent usage of 2 crutches) who made some randomized recommendations of 'equipment to help in housing' totally failing to address I lvied in 4 ppl share household, no place for store equipments x I have no power to carry it and I am at point(like at least 4-5 years ago) where I need housing adapted to my needs(that includes structural adaptations-shower, handrails, bed sand kitchen) and due to severity of my condition I need single occupancy housing just to stay afloat( as my condition makes me jobless-I stay home alll the time, which makes me disturb other mates and eg. I need to use foot soaking machine for feet relief and that is noisy and so on). ANd yeah, People are tolerant just how much longer NHS can fail me x zero systemic help since its them who led me to critical status where I lived and paid taxes here?
NHS staff is delusional x years behind with their recommendations. All those years I haven't gotten any needed benefits where I am fully entitled to PIP and freedom pass. They would not even give me letters regarding how severe my condition is as my ex GP been obsessed with mental health aspects because she has her own untreated disorder. If you think to say 'there are other doctors'-yup and Nope- there are other doctors, but the way NHS system works, dr believes what other dr writes about patient. And some drs can lose it writing up fantasy stories of not existing issues, not existing symptoms, and saying things to your face different to what they state in their records. LIARS. LIfe ruiners. I want to break that ex GP. I want her know I am dead x feel responsible for what she has done to me and my life.
I just do not want to break that psychologist cause she is so genuine. How do I make her strong x ready x feel like its not her fault where its purely, solely this ex GP fault. Now that I saw my records, what she was stating about me, how she deceived x fooled others-classical munchausen by proxy syndrome x attention seeking and action seeking. Kind of these stories where nurse poisoned patients to make them be on verge life/death to act like saviour-kinda creating problems, false issues/false symptoms in order to act like good guy, useful and genuine and to alert whole lot of other staff to 'have action and adrenaline rush'.
She did this to me. How I feel is not possible to describe. SHe broke me, my life, my career, what I wanted from life and how I wanted to live it. I wanted that cat, that career, family and I was so unable to see what this ex GP was ding to me. I was blinded. How I recover x move on? I just can't. I am already massive victim of her. I do not want that psychologist to become additional side victim/collteral damage of situation that is not her fault. She obviously draws boundary because otherwise she would not be able to do her job but I tried to think like her, and its different to distance self from patients and different when patient commits suicide and the fault will be NOT on her for anything.
How I make her off the hook if anything happens? Only blame is on ex GP.
Also, here is my petition on change.org
www.change.org
If thinks end up badly for me keep sharing x spreading word across UK and people you know to sign. Maybe my death will not be in vain, and maybe there will be realistic change in NHS, in law and system and society. For me I think is too late. I have lost everything and I am in critical condition. There is no way forward for me. I am so grateful for finding peace in this forum in what appears to be final weeks of my life.
Sign the Petition
URGENT:Implement Accountability Measure for NHS-National Medical Neglect Database
www.change.org
I am still here but each day making more and more peace with myself that I have to go because damages to myself/my life(overall big picture) are irreperable x not recoverable. They royally messed up bcuz of how 'system' works, how some doctors 'work'/distrust patients/know 'the best' and are smartest(even when in the end patient is right and was right all along).
My deluded GP not only failed to treat my condition(severe disability of feet which wasresult of previous medically indicated treatment). She been, as it turns out, fooling and deceiving, misleading whole lot of NHS/other healthcare people about my mental status, what is inside my head x my ideas, and about surgery which she represented as 'cosmetic' and that includes created by her false allegations of childhood abuse where I was 21 yo adult withoutt any signs of abuse. To make matters worse she represented it/with participating in my abuse hospital and its staff willingly part-taking activity in 'the game' of hers(she is sick with MUNCHAUSEN by proxy aka healthcarer disease/medical abuse and she has high attention seeking needs/act like 'saviour/helper' needs arising from her profession) as 'my disclosure'-where I haven't known about that and behinnd my back, behind my records she painted some 'fairytale fantasy story' about who I am on inside, my dreams and plans/needs/wants, she misrrepresented my family as some sort of pathology where I had most happy and loving childhood, she been fooling other ppl about my physical health leading to other drs denying referrals, surgical referrals, refusal of letters to claim benefits x seek housing, seek private physiotherapy as they were going on 'lowest' possible help her line.
They led me to critical status. I am fully, entireely non functional and husk of former self. The daily tasks/errands that normal person would wrap up and do in 1hour-it takes me 3 hours. The tasks normal person would do(and me in past, before they neglected me to current level due to their own comforts) in one day, I need like 2 weeks to achieve-because its how bad it is.
She been as recently aas this year continuing with her obsession/attention seeking from other healthcare ppl-fooling them about my behaviour x life needs. The neglect of hers towards mee is so bad that I am effectively out of working capacity, there is no realistic chances I will work even in part time job in near future as I need fully to re-qualify to do some sort of sit down job as neglect is about my lower limbs. DUe to failures to treat chronic pain altogether I developed 2 neurological pain conditions-I scream in night to pillow x 4 ppl moved out of my housing unable to deal with my condtion and pain(you can call them secondary victims).
I try my best to hold on but I had job I loved, pet I loved, and she took it all away. She has been obsessed over my person after grooming me as 21yo kiddo(legally adult, mentally naive x gullible x prone to suggestion kid) where I was so trustworthy and I trusted her, she been brainwashing me with body-related psychiatric diagnoses(started out in 2014 as body dysphoria, then in 2020 she started to suggest to me that I am transgender)-over 9 years she had excessive access to me she sexually molested me dozens of times under treatment disguises(for major part it was her touching my chest/breasts/slipping her hands under my shirt and asking me how I feel/how it feels) and in last 3years(2020-2023) when she deteriorated x her obsession grow stronger to 'help me' she started to convince me I am transgender, brainwash me with trans ideologies(where I was my whole life girl x am girl and never been or felt anybody else but girl). She was forcing me to go around and seek therapist and to say other doctors I have those issues she was imposing on me with her disorder(to make it look like its coming out of me/its my problem where she was coercilvelly controlling me and imposing self on me). She fed me antipsychotic meds to sedate me and facilitate vaginally fingering(violently raping) me on at least 5 occasions. The suffering she has caused me with her growing needs and growing 'help me' obsession(in wrong ways, bcuz she was imposing her ideas on me x inducing illnesses and symptoms in me and faking/fabricating my records aka fabricating symptoms) is unmeasurable and I can;t stand it anymore. I lost everything in life I genuinely worked for and that includes good and happy career(well, not most successful but I had life purpose, team, sense of belonging and routine and purpose in life and I was happy in that job, really, really happy). With excessive access to me x my state being so vulnerable due to pain disorder and my mind being weak, she convinced me job is place of stress, place of all issues and problems, began convincing me to work for nhs. She ended everything.
Side effects of antipsychotics aggrevated x made worse pre existing condition to point I had to give away my beloved fur daughter, my cat.
I am currently all alone in life, without friends or purpose, as isolated as you can imagine. No own family x am not sure now how and when I will start my own family if I literraly flip at ppl trying to touch me. My trauma is bigger than any therapy NHS offers and especially that past NHS therapy experience is part of problem(currently I have court ordererd MHTR sessions with as well nhs psychologist but its like lottery-this time I landed good x professional and skilled, trained person)-like chances within NHS of landing right person x good professional whio cares are about 2-4%. NHS is crisis bcuz doctors fuel crisis themselves with laziness, comfy post seeking and overall culture of 'comfortable and negligent' attitude to their profession(the older doctor, the more likely they ignorant, dismissive, denying help, beaurocratic and careless). Often few associated doctors harm actively one patient where they prey upon vulnerable and unsuspecting people/kinda collude agianst patient to keep own jobs x pays x bonuses safe.
SO I am kinda ready to go. I booked trip just before x-mas to see my family. I am going for 2 weeks to spend with them before I do final decision. I am awaiting outcomes of Police/NHS investigations but I am not raising my hopes up. Odds of them fixing it up(where I will never function again in any semi normal, working normal way) are about 5-15%. I say so low, becuase I will need years of therapy, I will need now more surgeries to fix neglect, I will need surgeries and extra tests done to assess and fix damages caused by wrong medications given(they kinda play hit and miss lottery with diagnoses and meds-some GPs and they refuse to listen to you because 'you just patient x no medical degree stupid persona).
How I prep them x current psychologist who looks after me for my suicide? My family obviously loves me, is hurt by all ordeal as I only recently fully tolld them what they did to me, and they say 'do not talk like that' and that psychologist she actually cares. She cares, and she talks in caring way, her behaviour and face says she cares. SHe is one of really small % of NHS side that I can say is good and caring. How I lessen their hurt x how prepare them? My family and psychologist.
I think she is either same age as me/slightly older. How I make her not feel like 'she failed me' because I only met her almost 4 months ago and when I met her I was 'gone already' due to NHS failures x all over place wrongful, years acting activity and due to their lies and how royally they messed up. She is so young and really good and skilled and trained, and she cares and is empathetic. I do NOT want to break her and her career with my suicide during/shortly after our sessions end and that will be outcome if NHS doesn't fully admit liability and pay up for their failures x this specific ex GP delusional activity/her own mental disorder.
How I do not break her? Any ideas? I think she can help so many people who system and life hurt, she is really honest, genuine and admits own mistakes and getting things wrong/or when we clash because of my past trauma and I can have open dialogue with her(contrary topast one sided conversations with ex GP who was flying in her delusions and totally detached from MY LIFE reality and needs/help I needed and what other professionals said-that ex GP affectiveluy denied me surgical referrals where orthopaedic specialist said I will need more operations, stated it in letters repeatedly and said my condition is so serious amputation was in talks)-so rare those days in people, especially in NHS-that psychologist. She is so good. What do I do??
I thought written card, memory photo, socks and maybe a book? I really do not want to break her career, break her inside(in a way my career and life purpose was broken) becuase my understanding is that its psychologist job to fix people mentally/make stronger and able to move on and push through life and patient commiting suicide will be kinda opposite of her job goal/target. Just I can;t do this anymore. That ex GP activity lasted too long and caused too much harm, scarred and traumatized me to unbearable levels, and I have lost everything I worked for and my future-my career built up from scratch, from bottom and my cat. DO not say there is recover x rebuilding because there is none. In past 7 years I have been alive x surviving only because of being recipent of student loans and past 4.5+ years I barely work/barely manage. Financially I am broken, no more student loans money, and obviously I failed degree obtaining becuase univeristy was helping in exact same way as NHS-Just abuse x delusional staff worrying own posts and overworked ppl taking on more students than they can help to and serve.
It's almost 8 years I spend fortune on transport(this is how bad my mobility is) and Uber trips. On TA food/pre preapared meals because I can;t manage. In all of that-almost 8 years I haven;t been given any letters to obtain benefits, haven;t been given help and support to obtain social council housing but was sent over to useless outpatient physiotherapists(where my condition requires manual physiotherapy and years lasting x regular), useless occupational health(where they tried to solve problem with 'better shoes; where I been spending fortune on special shoes past 13 years and now i am more towards wheelchair/permanent usage of 2 crutches) who made some randomized recommendations of 'equipment to help in housing' totally failing to address I lvied in 4 ppl share household, no place for store equipments x I have no power to carry it and I am at point(like at least 4-5 years ago) where I need housing adapted to my needs(that includes structural adaptations-shower, handrails, bed sand kitchen) and due to severity of my condition I need single occupancy housing just to stay afloat( as my condition makes me jobless-I stay home alll the time, which makes me disturb other mates and eg. I need to use foot soaking machine for feet relief and that is noisy and so on). ANd yeah, People are tolerant just how much longer NHS can fail me x zero systemic help since its them who led me to critical status where I lived and paid taxes here?
NHS staff is delusional x years behind with their recommendations. All those years I haven't gotten any needed benefits where I am fully entitled to PIP and freedom pass. They would not even give me letters regarding how severe my condition is as my ex GP been obsessed with mental health aspects because she has her own untreated disorder. If you think to say 'there are other doctors'-yup and Nope- there are other doctors, but the way NHS system works, dr believes what other dr writes about patient. And some drs can lose it writing up fantasy stories of not existing issues, not existing symptoms, and saying things to your face different to what they state in their records. LIARS. LIfe ruiners. I want to break that ex GP. I want her know I am dead x feel responsible for what she has done to me and my life.
I just do not want to break that psychologist cause she is so genuine. How do I make her strong x ready x feel like its not her fault where its purely, solely this ex GP fault. Now that I saw my records, what she was stating about me, how she deceived x fooled others-classical munchausen by proxy syndrome x attention seeking and action seeking. Kind of these stories where nurse poisoned patients to make them be on verge life/death to act like saviour-kinda creating problems, false issues/false symptoms in order to act like good guy, useful and genuine and to alert whole lot of other staff to 'have action and adrenaline rush'.
She did this to me. How I feel is not possible to describe. SHe broke me, my life, my career, what I wanted from life and how I wanted to live it. I wanted that cat, that career, family and I was so unable to see what this ex GP was ding to me. I was blinded. How I recover x move on? I just can't. I am already massive victim of her. I do not want that psychologist to become additional side victim/collteral damage of situation that is not her fault. She obviously draws boundary because otherwise she would not be able to do her job but I tried to think like her, and its different to distance self from patients and different when patient commits suicide and the fault will be NOT on her for anything.
How I make her off the hook if anything happens? Only blame is on ex GP.
Also, here is my petition on change.org
Sign the Petition
URGENT:Implement Accountability Measure for NHS-National Medical Neglect Database
www.change.org
If thinks end up badly for me keep sharing x spreading word across UK and people you know to sign. Maybe my death will not be in vain, and maybe there will be realistic change in NHS, in law and system and society. For me I think is too late. I have lost everything and I am in critical condition. There is no way forward for me. I am so grateful for finding peace in this forum in what appears to be final weeks of my life.
